She once wanted to jump from the 25th floor. How terrible is postpartum depression?

On Christmas Eve, news of He Jie\’s divorce flooded the screen. Celebrities have long been accustomed to being separated and reunited, but this time it has nothing to do with romance. The incompetence of parenting has ruined this model couple who have been married for three years and have two children. Giant babies, strong women and weak men, whether you want to be a mother or not… He Jie\’s experience has provided the public with a lot of talking points, and the one that worries me the most is: \”He Jie revealed that she had postpartum depression and thought about suicide.\” Anyone who has been a mother has more or less experience of the \”dark and dark\” period after childbirth. Today, I would like to share with you the story of my friend H. I got pregnant unexpectedly right after I got married. Should I have a baby or not? I have known H for more than ten years. I was one of the few people who knew what she was going through. Five years ago, 28-year-old H worked as a website editor for an Internet company and became pregnant unexpectedly just after getting married. But between giving birth and not giving birth, she hesitated for a long time: she had just gotten married, and the adjustment with her husband was far from complete. Can she cope with the sudden addition of a new life at this time? Her parents and in-laws have not retired and cannot help her for a long time. Is it a pity that her career, which has just entered the rising stage, has stalled? In the end, she decided to give birth to the child. She said: \”I don\’t want to be a DINK. Since raising children is a matter of time, just accept it calmly. You can start your career again. The elderly have no time to help, and it is not impossible to take care of your own children.\” Mission accomplished.\” During that time, she worked hard to adjust her mentality and prepare to welcome a new life. In a hurry, H was already in a dangerous state. However, the experience of giving birth made H suffer a lot – after more than ten hours, he finally had an autopsy. Not only did he suffer twice, but the child died immediately after birth due to lack of oxygen. Observed in isolation. The anxiety attacks her heart and affects her ability to breastfeed. She insists on breastfeeding and goes through a lot of hardships. Every day I gritted my teeth and drank all kinds of soup without adding salt. Instead of losing weight, I gained weight. I massaged until I was in pain. When my milk came down, my mastitis started to act like a time bomb again, and it would flare up from time to time. Everything was too difficult, which was H\’s deepest feeling at the time, and he could only bear everything by himself. During confinement, the design company where H’s husband worked took over an important project, and her husband took the lead and had to travel frequently. When her husband was in a dilemma, H \”understood the righteousness\” and supported her husband in putting his career first. At the same time, H\’s mother was injured in an accident and was unable to take care of her as promised, so her mother-in-law took the initiative to help. In the past, H liked her mother-in-law\’s quick words. However, during the confinement period, her mother-in-law\’s short temper made her suffer a lot: she wouldn\’t let H wash her hair or bathe, and she would always hold the child in her arms even though she had to wear so many clothes. She had endured all these H, but what crushed her was her mother-in-law\’s attitude towards breastfeeding. Seeing that H was having so much difficulty in breastfeeding and refused to add milk powder, her mother-in-law tried to persuade her openly and secretly, blaming H for finding the fault… H followed a scientific parenting attitude and had read many parenting books. He knew that a child crying was not necessarily because he was hungry, but maybe because he was hungry. It’s because I wear a lot of clothes and it’s too hot to be held in grandma’s arms. I know that although I don’t have much milk, the baby’s appetite is limited. It’s not necessarily a good thing to use a bottle to increase the baby’s appetite early… But I can’t help it. As long as the baby cries, my mother-in-law I immediately urged her to breastfeed, but she kept saying she didn\’t have enough milk. Gradually, when the child grinned, H became extremely nervous. He was so anxious that he instinctively covered the child\’s mouth, hoping that the mother-in-law would not come into the house to talk about breastfeeding. then, H didn\’t know how dangerous her state was until what happened next scared her awake. Standing at the window on the 25th floor, what are you thinking about? When the child was more than two months old, H mastitis broke out and he had a high fever. After putting the child to sleep at noon, she got up drowsily and poured water to drink. She heard her mother-in-law hiding in the bathroom and making a phone call: \”I don\’t have enough milk. The child keeps crying and your wife doesn\’t care. She also gets a fever at every turn. I\’ve never seen anyone else.\” Breastfeeding is so laborious. I told you before you got married that she was too thin and had physical problems. Also, with her body like this, how much nutrition can milk have? Milk powder is much more nutritious than her milk…\” H From what I heard, it must be my mother-in-law\’s son and my husband on the other end of the phone. H is so sensible that he video chats with his husband every day, but rarely nags about the pressure he is under. She firmly believed that her husband would support her, but she didn\’t expect that he would be patient enough to listen to her mother-in-law say so many bad things about her. She was completely defeated. Back in the bedroom, H\’s tears were streaming down his face. Afraid of disturbing her sleeping child, she tried her best to suppress her cries and squatted in the corner, huddled up. After crying enough, she stood up, her mind went blank, there was nothing in front of her eyes, only the windows on the opposite wall were brightly facing her… H described the feeling to me like this: \”My chest was so blocked that I couldn\’t breathe. I wanted to take a deep breath. The window in front of me became very big, and I just wanted to go out and take a breath.\” Just like that, H, who lives on the 25th floor, climbed to the window sill and opened the window… \”Actually, I\’m quite afraid of heights. But after opening the window that day, a gust of wind blew over me, and I just felt refreshed. Looking at the ant-like pedestrians below, I felt that there was a particularly free and beautiful world outside the window, and I should go there.\” When H told me this, I felt nervous My palms became sweaty. Fortunately, when she was \”enjoying the feeling of taking a big breath,\” the baby squeaked and woke up. H turned around and found that the child was lying on the bed looking at her, his bright eyes full of attachment and trust, pulling her back out of her body. The instinct of maternal love made her jump off the window sill, lie next to the child, and hold the child\’s little hand. H seemed to be in a dream – what was he doing? Why did life become like this in just a few months? Close the window and make a choice for yourself again. Thinking back to the feeling of standing at the window, H himself feels scared. After understanding that she suffered from postpartum depression, she weighed the pros and cons and decided to work hard to change the situation. She first discussed with her husband: \”Old people have their own lives. It\’s been very hard for my mother to take care of the children and me here for two months. After that, leave the children to me. You are usually very busy for this family, but in the future I hope that we can We all have a good grasp of the rhythm – the baby and I do need money, but we need love even more.\” Then, H began to look for reliable hourly workers to help him take care of the housework: he could save money on food and clothing, but the part-time workers would solve the problem for himself. Spending parent-child time with your baby is a big deal. H also joined a mother\’s group in the community and took her baby for a walk every day with several mothers she could chat with. This organized life suddenly reduced her loneliness. \”Having a baby is my own decision. The arrival of the baby will make my life more complete instead of messing everything up.\” H did this – after half a year of adjustment, without affecting the relationship between husband and wife or the relationship between parents and children, H made himself stronger and stronger, and even rebuilt the nearly broken relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. We are depressed, what should we do? Don’t contend with the rapid changes in endocrine. Many people still don’t treat postpartum depression as a disease. Some people still think that being a mother is too pretentious. In fact, postpartum depression has its physiological reasons – during pregnancy, maternal estrogen rises and reaches a peak; in just one or two months after the birth of the child, estrogen drops rapidly, and the rapid changes in endocrine provide abundant opportunities for depression. Soil. At this time, the most obvious feeling of new mothers is irritability: postpartum physical discomfort, inexplicable crying of the child, and unclear comments and suggestions from people around them can all make mothers irritable to the point of going crazy and losing control. After understanding this physiological factor, H no longer struggled with endocrine: \”I first accepted my manic self and no longer felt guilty for losing my temper. Only by taking care of my own emotions can I take good care of the baby; I can\’t listen to the baby. Cry, just reduce the number of times he cries. 24 hours a day, as long as he needs it, I will hang him on my body, using slings, suspenders, and waist stools in turn.\” Don\’t mess with your emotions, and don\’t force yourself. Suppressing bad emotions – \”sparing\” is much more effective than \”blocking\”. The more you want to be a perfect mother, the more likely you are to be depressed. Giving birth to a new life is sacred, but during the \”pregnancy\” process, our body no longer makes the decision on its own, and the \”self\” is \”deprived\”, which will definitely be accompanied by pain and loss. This is one of the psychological factors of postpartum depression, and women who have high demands on themselves will feel the pain more intensely. Just like H, even though she was 28 years old before giving birth, she was still often recognized as a schoolgirl. But when she was pregnant, she not only gained more than 30 pounds, but also had many spots on her face. You can imagine how painful it is for her, who has extremely high demands on her personal image. At this time, you must give yourself a period of time during which you allow yourself to be a little uglier and fatter. After weaning, as long as you have enough perseverance, you will definitely be able to regain your beauty. Self-doubt, pessimism and self-blame are the driving forces behind postpartum depression. Many mothers, like H, have experienced a difficult breastfeeding period. Faced with a baby waiting to be fed, no one is more anxious than a mother. But not everyone is born a good cow. Many mothers have self-doubt because of difficulty in feeding. If they can’t even feed their children, what else can they do? Dissatisfaction and disappointment with oneself are like a black hole, swallowing people up unknowingly. For the sake of the baby, the mother is not afraid of suffering, but she is afraid that no one will understand her suffering. At this time, family care and support are extremely important. The more relatives you have who can encourage you, the less likely you will be depressed. Sometimes husbands are just there to relieve emotions. Don\’t be reluctant to recall your own dark history. What H regrets most is that he shouldn\’t have protected his husband so well. As a husband and the father of a child, no matter what the reason is, the husband should not miss the first moments when the child comes into this world, and spend the most difficult time of the new life with his wife. At that time, if the wife is unreasonable, she must be more tolerant. Endocrine changes are beyond her control; if she does not know how to take care of the baby, give her more understanding. What she wants most is for the baby to be healthy.It must be the mother who has a healthy baby; if she is too tired, please let her sleep more. Good sleep will help the endocrine level to stabilize… If possible, ask your husband to tell the family not to put all the joy in the baby. , that woman who has tried her best for the arrival of a new life needs her family to chat with her more and go shopping. She needs you to help her open the door to life and close the window of depression. Whether He Jie is divorced or not is really not important to us. What is important is that we must learn to mobilize all factors to prevent postpartum depression from ruining our lives.