Shut up in time, the education that Chinese families lack most

Master Xuecheng said something that I agree with very much: \”What you say about life is your destiny.\” When making friends, people who can talk are more likely to gain favor than those who can\’t; in the workplace , people who are good at expressing themselves can have more opportunities than people who are clumsy in speaking; when it comes to love, people who know how to speak well are often more likely to maintain long-term and stable relationships. This is true for individuals, and even more so for families. When the fortunes of a group of people are gathered together, it is the fortune of the entire family. However, many Chinese families just lack the education to shut up in time. The most direct manifestation is that parents in many families always nag endlessly when faced with their children\’s mistakes, belittling them to nothing. American educationist Jane Nelson told a story. A child once lost his baseball. He returned home frightened and sadly explained the situation to his parents. As a result, the parents got very angry and scolded their children: \”Why do you do this every time! I will never buy anything for you again!\” They also talked about a lot of nonsense, trying to get the children to stop by scolding them head-on and mercilessly. Take the lesson. But the effect was exactly the opposite. The child made the same mistake again within a few days. Jane Nelson said that when encountering this kind of situation, she would just say to her child, \”I feel sorry for this too,\” and then shut up immediately, without any extra words. Wait until the child\’s mood stabilizes before communicating with him. Because education is not condescending and harsh, it is communication based on empathy. Only in this way can children gain respect and learn to reflect. Without empathetic communication, no matter how much parents chatter, it will be difficult for children to listen. Stephen Covey wrote in \”Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families\”: We are used to yelling at our family members, blaming them without understanding, giving orders without communicating, failing to learn how to say thank you, and failing to apologize. They all feel that they have paid too much for family life, but they have neglected the most critical point: effective communication. Real effective communication does not necessarily rely on language. Shutting up in time, staying silent, and letting each other calm down is also a way of effective communication. This is particularly important in the process of family education. The inheritance of good family tradition is first reflected in speech. How to speak and when to speak are all knowledge. A relative from my hometown struggled for many years and finally bought a house in the county. He returned home during the Chinese New Year just in time to attend his housewarming. There were also many relatives and friends who went to congratulate me. I didn’t know most of them, but I still remember one of them, a mother with a six- or seven-year-old child, because of her “outspokenness.” At that time, everyone was politely praising the beautiful house. The mother suddenly said: \”The decoration style of this house is a mixture of Chinese and Western styles. It looks so rustic.\” As soon as the words came out, the atmosphere immediately cooled down. A sister next to her took the mother\’s hand and helped her out: \”Every place is different. This style has become popular here in the past two years. You may not understand it. Let the owner introduce it to you.\” But the mother didn\’t understand what others meant at all. Instead, she held the relative\’s hand and continued to point, which made the people next to her feel extremely embarrassed. What was even more embarrassing was when eating later, everyone was having a great time drinking and chatting. The mother spoke again. She pointed to the plate of braised fish in front of her and said: \”This kind of fish should be steamed. The braised fish tastes so bad. I lose my appetite just looking at it.\” The child also echoed: \”The food here is so delicious, it\’s better to go home and eat it.\” When the mother heard the child say this, instead of blaming her, she touched the child\’s head and said, \”As expected, he is my own child. He has good taste.\” .\” Sitting aside, I was dumbfounded. This family is so violent! Treating pickiness as taste, speaking ill of others as nobility, these are all habits that were accustomed to you! As the saying goes, a kind word will warm you in three winters, but a bad word will make you feel cold in six months. Many words are sweet when spoken just right, but they can turn into poison once used incorrectly. Shutting up in time is to avoid letting your words become a dagger inserted into others and slandering others. A psychological survey found that on average, 1 in 20 people suffers from verbal violence, and 1 in 50 people suffers from mental illness due to verbal violence. In mild cases, they suffer from social disorders, and in severe cases, they commit homicide and suicide. I just happened to see an article some time ago, which mentioned that frequent insulting language towards one\’s partner is also a form of domestic violence. I saw a long message from a male fan underneath. He mentioned that he has been married to his wife for more than 20 years, and she always curses and insults him hysterically. Even in front of relatives and friends, she still curses and always puts him in embarrassing situations. No matter how strong his mind was, he could not withstand these repeated torments. Over time, many of his friends no longer dared to associate with him, and his spirit gradually became trance-like, and he even had thoughts of seeking death. I am reminded of what a Zhihu netizen said: \”With a majestic body of seven feet, don\’t listen to a three-inch tongue. There is a dragon spring on the tongue, and there is no blood in killing people.\” Many words that are said easily cannot be taken back, but also become scars for other people\’s lives. Those behaviors that do not care about the feelings of others, always use aggressive postures to vent their emotions, and often use words to slander each other wantonly can only be done by uneducated people. Being able to speak is an innate ability, but being able to shut up is self-chosen kindness. They shut up when they should be silent, know how to behave, leave room for others, and never embarrass others. I like Nietzsche\’s words very much, \”Don\’t judge others randomly, don\’t judge others easily, don\’t gossip behind others. Thinking less about others is what a good person does.\” To build a happy family, you also follow this principle. You shouldn\’t say The words that should be said should be kept silent, and the words that should be said should be appropriate. Don\’t turn language into a gun aimed at others, but turn language into a fire that warms others; don\’t make rash comments when you don\’t know what others have gone through; don\’t slander things even if you don\’t like them. There are two abilities to have happiness, one is to create and the other is to protect. When you cannot create, not destroying is happiness. When you can learn to exercise restraint, shut up in time, be enthusiastic but calm, and be kind but measured, your family will slowly move toward happiness. Too many people are accustomed to making their voices heard in the noisy world, but what is truly valuable is mastering the opportunity to shut up. If you can’t bring up a flower with your words, you have to understandSilence is golden, don\’t let your talkativeness become a stain in the future, and don\’t let your eloquence become a joke in the future.