Smart parents let their children become themselves

The moment I saw my cousin Yulian during the Spring Festival, I was shocked: Why is my cousin so haggard? My cousin burst into tears before she said anything: Cousin, I have no face to see you. My son has not given me any grandchildren even after ten years of marriage. How do you think I can go out to meet people? People who are about the same age as me often take their grandchildren with them or hold their hands when they go out. What do I have? \”Isn\’t it more comfortable if I don\’t have it? How can I be embarrassed to see others? Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings. Cousin, your health is more important than anything else.\” I advised my cousin. It turns out that my cousin’s son has been married for ten years and has no children. My cousin\’s husband complained all about her, and the family life was miserable. In the past ten years, my son and daughter-in-law have seen traditional Chinese and Western medicine, and my daughter-in-law has suffered from ectopic pregnancy and had in vitro fertilization… The young couple suffered a lot from this and tried every method they could think of. What\’s more, in addition to maintaining basic life, the young couple spent all their income on medical treatment, medication, and in vitro fertilization. Seeing that they are all in their early 40s, they are getting older and have done all the hard work they should do. The young couple consider not having children and want to live a good life for the rest of their lives. I went home during the Spring Festival and told my cousin what I was thinking. She burst into tears and scolded her son for being unfilial. My cousin\’s husband was even hysterical, scaring his daughter-in-law to the point of being overwhelmed. My cousin cried and scolded her, insisting that her son and daughter-in-law adopt a child, and even insisted on adopting a girl. She also begged me for help and saw that there was a suitable girl to pay attention to for her son (she was so sick that she rushed to the doctor and made me look like a human trafficker. How could I get a child for her to adopt?). I asked my nephew what his opinion was. \”In order to fulfill my filial piety and make the family happy, I will adopt a suitable one.\” My nephew said helplessly. I met people who pushed for marriage and had a second child, but I didn’t expect that there were also people who pushed for adoption and adoption of a child. I deeply feel that my nephew\’s filial piety is a bit foolish, but we Chinese are often easily kidnapped by filial piety and unable to carry out our normal lives. The one who impressed me the most was my mother’s friend Aunt Ying. Her son was from the DINK clan, and Aunt Ying couldn’t understand this very much. At first, I thought there was something wrong with the son and daughter-in-law and they couldn\’t have children, so they went everywhere to seek medical advice. The son was noncommittal because he didn\’t want to hurt his parents. Aunt Ying later learned that her daughter-in-law had suffered several miscarriages during pregnancy, and she even felt that her son was unfilial: If she didn\’t want the child even after it was born, wasn\’t she sincerely determined to have a child? Aunt Ying cried and quarreled several times. The son\’s point of view is that it is difficult to raise children nowadays, and he has no concept of continuing the family line. The key point is that if you cannot give your children a good education, it is also selfish for the children to be born just to satisfy their own instincts and those of their parents. Fortunately, Aunt Ying did not feel like her cousin did not have a problem with her own dignity, nor did she feel that she could not live without her grandchildren. She still recognized that \”children and grandchildren will have their own blessings\”. After many communications, Aunt Ying and her son reached a consensus: her son does not want children, and Aunt Ying does not have to worry about raising a grandson, and the quality of life will be higher. The family travels domestically and abroad every National Day and Spring Festival. Now that I see Aunt Ying again, I feel that she is much younger and has very good energy. I let go of unnecessary ties, danced, sang, and went to senior college with my retired elderly friends, and my life was rich and colorful. The son and daughter-in-law even plan two travel destinations early every year, and take Aunt Ying around the world to see different places.The scenery and the different delicacies made Aunt Ying so happy. Parents are not the children themselves. They should not decide their children\’s lives, let alone interfere with their children\’s choices of career and future. I once read a story by cartoonist Cai Zhizhong. Everyone knows that his comics are popular all over the world. Do you know that he has a belief in educating children: let children be themselves. Once, my wife went on a business trip to France and gave Cai Zhizhong the responsibility of taking her daughter to piano lessons. When the car arrived in front of the piano school, my daughter was sitting in the car feeling depressed and didn\’t want to get out. Cai Zhizhong asked his daughter: \”Why are you unhappy?\” \”What I want to learn most is not the piano, but the flute, but my mother thinks that girls should learn piano, because in my mother\’s opinion, learning piano is more useful than learning the flute.\” The daughter said. After hearing what his daughter said, Cai Zhizhong turned around and drove home without saying a word. The daughter was a little worried about her father\’s approach: \”Mom just paid 4,000 yuan in tuition. If I don\’t learn piano, and the money won\’t be refunded, what should I do?\” Cai Zhizhong said, \”Then I have to forget it.\” The daughter asked again: \”Mom comes back. What should I do if I complain?\” Cai Zhizhong said: \”Nothing is as important as your happiness.\” The tuition of 4,000 yuan is not a small amount for many families, but Cai Zhizhong believes that if you save a little, buy two fewer sets of clothes and eat less With a big meal, money can be earned, but a happy childhood for children cannot be bought with money. If you force a child to learn something he doesn\’t like, it will kill the child\’s interest in learning and make the child have no self and can only obey the wishes of adults. This is the biggest failure of education. Cai Zhizhong even told his daughter: \”Never give your inner self to others, and don\’t exchange mental pain for material satisfaction.\” Letting children be themselves is a profound educational concept. Being the daughter of Cai Zhizhong is lucky because she has a great father. Looking around, how many people can truly be themselves? Thinking back on our own growth path, have we ever thought about the simple question \”Who am I\” over the years? Similarly, as parents, can we treat our children\’s ideas from an equal perspective and give our children the opportunity to truly become themselves? Around us, we can see many people who are not themselves and will \”follow the trend\” in whatever they do: if other people\’s children learn piano, their own children should also learn piano, regardless of whether the children are willing or not, regardless of their financial strength. Bear with it; when other people’s children learn to dance, your own children cannot be left behind, regardless of whether the children like it or not; when other people’s children learn to draw, your own children must at least learn calligraphy, right? There are even more people who watch others making money by trading in the stock market, and then sell their houses to raise money to enter the stock market. They thought they could make a lot of money, but they never thought that they would lose everything. This kind of blind follow-up without one\’s own phenomenon is almost everywhere in real life. For thousands of years, people have always encouraged children to make progress and work hard, but they rarely teach children to objectively evaluate their own strengths and set a practical goal for themselves. As everyone knows, correctly evaluate yourself, have the courage to face your own shortcomings, and do things that you like and are beneficial to society in a down-to-earth manner.More important than anything else. I remember reading what Cai Kangyong said in his \”Qi Pa Shuo\”. Ever since I recorded \”Qi Pa Shuo\”, one of the things I hate the most is using filial piety to kidnap our debate questions. You know what I’m most grateful for for my mom and dad who passed away? They have never pushed me to get married. If they had pushed me to get married when they were alive, you would not see a free Cai Kangyong sitting here today. You have never heard me once use the stance of filial piety or non-filial piety to prove my point. Because we Chinese are easily kidnapped by filial piety, we can no longer have any discussion with multiple viewpoints. What is the most precious thing our parents value to their children? It is to give him an ideal environment and let him become himself, not the person we want him to become. Smart parents leave enough space for their children to make their own decisions. Don’t make decisions about everything about your child just because you have a child. Facing our imperfect selves, do we allow shortcomings in our lives? How do parents let their children be themselves and make their own choices? You might as well try the following suggestions: 1. Recognize the difference between families. There are differences between people, and there are also big differences between families. In real life, a large number of parents always like to compare with other families. They always think that if other people\’s children can do things, why can\’t their own children do it? What other people’s families can do, our own families should also do. If the comparison continues like this, it will be difficult to have a space of one\’s own, and it will be difficult for the child to be himself. 2. Give children the opportunity to choose. Choice is not only the right of adults, but also one of the rights of childhood children. Just like the cartoonist Cai Zhizhong, giving his daughter the opportunity to choose and let her choose what she likes to learn will make her more motivated to learn and become a better version of herself. When parents encounter matters related to their children\’s choices, they must learn to discuss with their children, give them the opportunity to choose, and do not use filial piety to kidnap their children. 3. Respecting the child\’s personality is different from choosing the child\’s personality, and the direction you choose is also different. Parents can respect their children\’s personality and choices and let them choose the life and career they like, rather than making choices based on their parents\’ interests and hobbies. Parents can respect their children\’s individuality and let them choose the life they like, rather than making choices based on their parents\’ interests and hobbies. Like my cousin, who forced her son to adopt the child according to her wishes, which made the whole family\’s life miserable; like Aunt Ying, who followed the wishes of her son and daughter-in-law, accepted the DINK family, and lived a harmonious and beautiful life; like the cartoonist Cai Zhizhong, his daughter even I am lucky to have such a great father. When parents\’ love is too great, it often interferes with the rhythm of their children\’s own lives. Wise parents, while allowing their children to become themselves, also become the parents themselves.