So, as a father, you can’t control your children?

A few days ago, when I sent CC to kindergarten, I saw a mother at the gate begging the teacher for mercy. The teacher discovered that the baby had a coin in his hand, and then informed the mother that for safety reasons, the child could not bring coins into the kindergarten. The mother said it was okay, he wouldn’t eat it. But teachers insist small items pose a risk of being swallowed. The mother obviously put in a lot of effort, using reason, emotion, and coercion, but the child just wouldn\’t let go. Mom finally said helplessly: Hey, I just can\’t take it out of her hand. Today is not about discussing good ways to get things out of children’s hands, nor is it about discussing the scale of love and pampering. The reason why I tell you such a small thing early in the morning is because it is a fairly typical example of children being given the power of their parents. I believe this kind of situation has happened around you or even to you countless times. It\’s almost funny to say that an adult mother can\’t get a certain small object from a child of a few years old. But many times, we subconsciously put \”parental rights\” into the hands of our children without even realizing it, let alone thinking about the impact of this on the parent-child relationship. God has given you the right of \”parents\” to help us become good \”teachers\” and \”teachers\”. The process of parents inadvertently handing over power to their children is the process of destroying their own image of parental authority. Every parent should know before disciplining their children that there is a difference between giving children the right to be independent and giving children the right to control their parents. Let’s take a look at how your parental authority is lost step by step in real life. Allowing your child to break the rules You may already know the importance of getting your baby to obey the rules, but you are still letting your child off the hook all the time. It is impossible for us to chase after the baby to monitor him to obey every rule, but if you choose to ignore the behavior that violates the rules, it is equivalent to giving up the power of parents. You are telling your child with your actions that you are not capable of putting what you have said into practice. One aspect of maintaining parental authority is punishing children. Although this is not a part worth advocating, it is a very necessary part of guiding children to become a successful person. (Punishment does not mean beating and scolding, it is more recommended to refer to positive discipline) There are three methods to help you achieve consistency between words and deeds. 1. Both spouses have the same attitude. When it comes to breaking the rules, mom and dad should be on the same page. If one is too strict and the other is too tolerant, the child\’s problems will eventually turn into problems between the two adults. 2. Don’t set too many rules. It sounds generous and easy, but it is really difficult to do. In fact, whenever we see bad behavior in our children, our automatic reaction is to set a rule for the behavior and then warn the child about the consequences of violating it. Why are you throwing the puzzle pieces away again? You should put it away when you are finished using it. If it is thrown away, I won’t give it to you. Oops, I fell down again and can\’t run anymore. If you run again, I won\’t let you play outside. Does this sound familiar? If you recall, maybe you were doing this just a minute ago. The problem is, you can’t remember every rule you say and its consequences, and neither can your kids! If there are so many rules that you are confusedIt’s confusing and unclear, and the implementation is sporadic. How can we get the children to comply? So, start by singling out some of the most important rules and establishing easy-to-understand consequences for breaking them. This way you can also have the energy to supervise and regulate your children at all times. Wait until a bad habit is completely resolved before changing to the next one. But what needs to be reminded is that when formulating rules, you must determine: which behaviors really need discipline, and which behaviors are just because he is still a child. For example, if you speak impolitely or hit someone, you need to be disciplined strictly and let the child accept punishment when necessary. Taking off their shoes casually in public, or forgetting to use a spoon when eating, etc., can be attributed to their age. At this time, we can remind them, but there is no need to \”punish\” them every time they violate. 3. Don’t say “harsh words” that you can’t do. If you throw a building block once, I will throw it out the window for you. You know you won’t really do that. So, when you decide on the consequences of a punishment, make sure it is enforced. In this way, when you warn your children that if they continue to do something, they will not be able to do it, you can truly implement it without having to dismantle yourself. Being controlled by your child\’s cry If you can\’t accept your child crying, then you are really in danger. It is unfair not to allow children to cry. Mother C has written many times before that she should not blindly stop her children from crying. It is a way for them to vent their emotions. However, it is not a means to blackmail parents. The only way to avoid hearing your children cry is to comply with their every request and become your child\’s servant instead of your child\’s parent. It was really painful to watch him cry, but he really couldn\’t want everything. As a parent, you have to accept that children learn things through crying. A parent\’s job is to guide their children, not to be controlled by their children. Allow your child to delay execution. When your child neither wants to carry out your wishes nor accepts punishment, what he will often do is procrastinate. I read this book before going to bed; I built this building block and brushed my teeth; I played on the slide for a while and then went home. In short, find every reason to procrastinate or distract you. She may be very flattering and say to you, Mom, can I put away my toys before going to bed? This can be regarded as recognizing the authority of parents. But if the final execution method is decided by the child, it is equivalent to taking away the power of the parents in disguise. (Sweat! Are you sure we are raising children and not acting in a palace drama?) Therefore, slow obedience is disobedience. In this case, parents should not always let it go. Because the initial indulgence will definitely result in your nagging in the end, and the feeling of tiredness that is obviously very unpleasant but not easy to break out, or even if it breaks out, it will be of no use. Allowing children to make excuses to be lazy is also a difficult level because it is usually a subconscious behavior. One second you tell your child to put the bowl in the sink after eating, and the next second he runs away and goes back to his room to concentrate on playing puzzles. Forget it, clean it up yourself. This is more obvious among children who go to school. Let me give you the most typical example. It was originally agreed that the family members would take turns washing the dishes, but on the day it was the child\’s turn, he couldCan you say, \”Oh, Mom, I have too much homework today. If I don\’t write quickly, I won\’t be able to finish it.\” Although you also know that teaching children to take responsibility is an important life skill. But, in fact, you yourself may make excuses for him (well, learning is important, learning is important) and then help him shoulder the part of the obligations he should fulfill. What you don\’t expect is that acquiescing to children to avoid responsibilities is also a way of undermining the authority of parents. When children are young, parents make more efforts to let them take responsibility for small things. When they grow up, they will be able to take on big things. Otherwise, there will be a lot of time in the future for you to follow your children, do their bidding, and help them clean up their messes. Ignore your children\’s disrespect for you. Many parents, and even grandparents, can completely ignore their children\’s rudeness and arrogance! and! No! See! Children can bump, kick, and disrespect their parents at will. Even if it\’s not something as serious as this, it can hardly be called polite. For a while, CC talked to me like, Mom, go get me an apple; Mom, come over and brush my teeth. At first I did as she was told, but as I continued to do it, I started to feel something was wrong. Why was she acting like a master and me acting like a slave? Later I said, Mom feels uncomfortable when you talk like that. You should say, Mom, can you help me with something? She can do it when she\’s in a good mood, but when she\’s anxious, she returns to an instructive tone. I stand still and ask, \”Can you think about what to say?\” \”Mom, can you get me an apple?\” Although at the beginning, it was still very stiff, with only a requesting sentence structure and no gesture of request at all, just like I was trying to catch a duck to the shelf. But after persisting for a long time, she also found that this tone made both parties comfortable. When you ignore your children\’s respect for you, you essentially allow them to trample on your majesty as a parent. But respect is not only the unilateral responsibility of children, but also complemented by the fact that parents truly deserve respect. It\’s easy to get your children to respect you – raise them in a respectful way.