Some people are not worthy of being parents

Have you ever met any weird people in your life? The kind of people who are unreasonable, very arrogant, or who take advantage of you at every turn and think you are stupid, or who never care about other people\’s feelings when they speak, and try their best to pierce your heart. Do you really think that after these people got married and gave birth to a child, their souls instantly sublimated, all their personality problems were solved, and they became good parents? If you get along with this kind of person a few times in your life, your blood pressure will easily rise, and you may even find yourself complaining online. It is conceivable that the children of these people can live a comfortable life? Children who grow up in this kind of native family are somewhat traumatized in their hearts. People nowadays like to blame their family of origin. I would sneer when I see someone being dissatisfied with their family of origin. At that time, I felt that if I could get rid of the negative influence brought by my family of origin, why couldn’t others? Just pretentious. People who blame their family of origin are mostly making excuses for their own incompetence and weakness. As my experience grows and I come into contact with more and more people at different levels, I find that this is not the case. It\’s not that people today are selfish and blame their families of origin, but the improvement of cultural standards and the popularization of psychological knowledge have allowed everyone to honestly face their own pain and the causes of pain. In addition, the Internet has allowed many people to see the truth clearly and suddenly realize: Oh, it turns out that not all children have to grow up under the abuse and suppression of sticks in their childhood…blaming the family of origin is not because the parents have no money and no money. With no ability, no backing, and no connections, I cannot provide myself with enough life experience and social resources to allow myself to comfortably be Mr. Zhou. They strive for resources that their families cannot provide and rely on their own abilities to make ends meet. It’s not that they don’t understand this principle, nor are they unwilling to put it into practice. What they really hate is their parents\’ vanity, selfishness, self-righteousness, narrow-mindedness, and feudalism. They are incompetent and like to talk and give random orders. They are unwilling to advance with the times and insist on putting their own narrow and old-fashioned ideas on their children. When things happen, If you can\’t solve the problem, you\’ll take it out on your children. If you don\’t have the ability to be a king when you get home, you\’ll be angry outside. I can\’t understand the big things clearly, I can\’t see the medium things clearly, and I can\’t stop talking about the small things! Sins of the original family. Part of the harm caused to the original family is because the parents have low cognition and cannot raise their children. Part of it is because the parents hate the child and abuse the child physically and mentally, or the parents themselves have violent tendencies and abnormal control. , mental and other problems. As far as I am concerned, I am the fifth eldest child in my family, with four older sisters above me. Logically speaking, as the only son in my family, I should be the apple of my eye and be loved by everyone, but my family of origin also has more than a little influence on me. My father is a person who is indifferent to his family members and likes to suppress them. In my impression, my father has never smiled at his family members. Even if he was talking and laughing with outsiders at the door a second ago, when he turned around and entered the house, he would always have a straight face and say nothing. There is never any positive affirmation towards our children, only harsh suppression. My mother, on the other hand, believes in the idea that \”poor children should become masters early, and they should do housework as soon as they become masters.\” She has never seen me idle since she was a child. No matter what I am doing, I will always find something to teach you. This is called my bowl. , then ask me to sweep the floor, this to peel garlic, thatWash the dishes, light the fire here, put away the clothes… some people will definitely say it\’s pretentious: aren\’t most children in families like this? But I want to say that the reality is always more specific than the description. If these things are not too exaggerated, I would not bother to talk about them. To give a recent example, about 2 years ago, when I came home, I happened to see my dad going up the mountain to put eucalyptus fertilizer, and he called me to help. Because he got up a little late in the morning, he complained a lot while working. At this time, Mr. Shu, a village guard in our village, happened to pass by, and he started to say, \”Look how hard XX works, they come out to work at seven o\’clock.\” , asking you to do something so difficult and so lazy, what\’s the point? \”Then he has no future?\” I retorted, \”You don\’t care if he is good or not, at least he is hardworking and will not die of hunger.\” I said plausibly. : “Then do you think I will starve to death? \”He didn\’t talk to me anymore… (My mother laughed on the sidelines) This still happened when I bought a car, a house, and my own company, and he suppressed me. As you can imagine, the suppression in childhood How serious it is. Also, I am indifferent to my family. I have brought three girlfriends home, and without exception, they would have a fight with me every time they came to my house. The reason was that they felt unwelcome by my family. The first time you come to my house, don\’t say how grand the welcome is. At least you have to be polite, ask to sit down, stay away from others, and eat more food. In our house, the only thing you can say when you meet is: \”I\’m back.\” . He turned around and went about his own business, then ignored him the whole time. The most outrageous thing I remember was when I took a certain girlfriend home for the first time, and I greeted her a day in advance, but when I got home the next night, There was only half a plate of leftover vegetables and pork on the table… Others turned green when they saw it: It\’s the first time I came to your house, and your family just served me with leftovers? As for my mother\’s preference? It\’s also very annoying to make mistakes. She doesn\’t care whether you are doing something serious or studying. In short, you have to answer every call. If not, just keep shouting until the whole village has to hear it, and do this and that trivial thing. Even if it\’s a small thing, I can call you three or five times. I have been very sensible since I was a child and know the importance of learning. But every time I take the initiative to study, I will be interrupted and asked to do this and pay attention. I couldn\’t concentrate at all. This gradually made it harder for me to concentrate than ordinary people. I couldn\’t concentrate in class. I was chewing my nails, peeling off my hands, peeling off tables and chairs, and even wandering away. I could only do it in the dead of night. Calm down and concentrate on studying. Therefore, I learned to stay up late to do my homework since I was a child. I already wore glasses for myopia when I was in fifth grade (there were no electronic devices at that time, so myopia was very rare at such a young age), and I stayed up until three in the morning in high school. Four o\’clock is the norm, because I can\’t do my homework during class, and I can\’t listen to the teacher\’s lectures. In most cases, I can only rely on self-study and understanding after class. In our village, there are 25 people my age who go to school with me, and there are 20 junior high school students. I was the only one who dropped out of school or only finished junior high school, and one of them was me. Among the dozen or so people in my family, I was the only one who went to college. I attribute this to my parents’ laziness. In the eyes, I am not as good as others in doing farm work, I don’t like to do housework either, and always use the excuse of studying to avoid doing work. Only I know that I am really studying and putting my diligence into study. Even people with a family situation like mine (the only son in the family, cared for by four older sisters) are all affected by the influence of their original family, including childhood retaliatory compensation psychology, a pleaser personality, an avoidant personality, low self-esteem, and disappointing emotional isolation… ··I have them all (I wrote about them when I was broke, so I won’t go into details here). What\’s more, what are children who grow up in families of origin that favor boys over girls, tend to be violent, and suffer from mental problems? Most people who have problems in their original family will definitely be criticized, scolded, or even beaten indiscriminately by their parents if they make a mistake when they were young, whether intentional or unintentional. And how scared they were at that time, I believe that many people still remember it vividly even after they become adults, and it has become an unforgettable pain, and they even have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). When they continue to receive such \”education\”, their hearts and personalities will also change. Finally, they become autistic, become silent, become afraid of others, become very concerned about other people\’s thoughts, and become Inferior self-esteem, dull eyes… These characteristics of not being talkative and dull eyes are instead described by those rubbish parents as being grown up and mature. And when they become like this, these parents will look down on you and even laugh at you for being a waste. They worked so hard to raise you and you turned out like this… Break away from the shackles of your native family and meet these natives. How to get rid of family problems? The first thing is that you must make yourself strong. Luo Yonghao once said: \”If your children earn enough money, your parents will gradually respect you. This does not mean that your parents are snobbish, but that when you do things your way, you will be more successful in society than your peers.\” If you are excellent, your parents will gradually suspect that they are wrong and you are right.\” For someone like Luo Yonghao, who grew up in a compound, he was being conservative. The truth is that some parents are just snobbish. When you are strong enough, they will be jealous of you and fawn over you. In the early years, when I was making a million dollars a year, my dad really told me that I would be the master of the family from now on. This is indeed what he did. He would come to me to discuss everything at home, including buying a TV. But in the past two years, my finances have been in dire straits, and the bad symptoms from before have resurfaced. Secondly, spiritually patricide. This may sound a bit rebellious, so hear me out first. If you cannot achieve the first point above in the short term, you must be independent. If they still want to control you as an adult, make you listen to them, and make you fall into internal friction, then isolate them physically and mentally. Comparing them, suppressing them, urging them to get married, and urging them to have children are completely ignored. Before the age of 30, your living status and happiness depend to a large extent on your family\’s financial strength and your parents\’ cognition and vision. After the age of 30, you have to learn to identify problems and solve them. Because you are already an independent individual, you have the right to choose to repair the damage caused by your family of origin, or at least accept it and embrace it.It, make peace with it. When you go through this journey and persevere, it is really Nirvana and rebirth. This is the only way for us to mature mentally and become ourselves.