Son, I allow you to be \”shameless\”

Xiaobo\’s mother has been a little worried recently. She found that since her five-year-old niece CC came to the house, four-year-old Xiaobo has become too humble. The day she first arrived home, CC took out Xiaobo\’s toys one by one and played with them all over. After playing for a while, CC suddenly took a fancy to the Lego car beside Xiaobo\’s bed and couldn\’t help but take it out to play with. That was Xiaobo\’s favorite car. Xiaobo grabbed the car and said, \”You can\’t play with this.\” CC refused to let go and shouted, \”I want to play with this.\” \”This is mine!\” \”I want to play with it!\” \”Seeing the two children fighting over each other, Xiaobo\’s grandma stepped forward to stop her: \”Xiaobo, CC is a guest, let her play!\” Xiaobo still refused to let go. Seeing someone supporting her, CC burst into tears: \”I want to play. This.\” When CC cried, grandma couldn\’t help it and slapped Xiaobo\’s hand, \”Why are you so ignorant? What\’s wrong with playing with you?\” Xiaobo, who was hurt by the slap, had to withdraw his hand. In this way, CC relied on being a guest and tried her best to ask for everything. She had to pick everything first. She feels that customers are entitled to do whatever they want and get whatever they want easily. If Xiaobo refuses, CC will cry and make a fuss. In the end, Xiaobo will always be criticized: \”Why are you so ignorant? I have said that you are the host and CC is the guest. You must be humble.\” In the eyes of adults again and again Under the guidance of others, Xiaobo became more and more \”humility\”. One day, Xiaobo\’s mother took them to the park to play. Passing by the cake shop, let them each choose a cake of their choice. CC picked a cream cake and Xiaobo picked a strawberry cake. Who knew that when we arrived at the park and opened the food, CC changed her mind. Pointing to Xiaobo\’s strawberry cake, she said, \”I want to eat strawberry cake.\” Xiaobo silently gave the strawberry cake to CC. Looking at Xiaobo\’s aggrieved expression, Xiaobo\’s mother felt something was wrong and said, \”You each have half, so two You can even eat the cake.\” But CC grabbed the strawberry cake, picked out the strawberries on top and ate it as quickly as possible. When she ate the last one, she looked at Xiaobo proudly and said: \” The strawberries are so delicious.\” Then he quickly stuffed the strawberries into his mouth. Xiaobo watched helplessly as the strawberry was eaten by CC. He wanted to say something but in the end he didn\’t. Xiaobo\’s mother felt very sad when she saw this scene. After eating all the strawberries, CC came up with the idea of ​​cream cake. Said to Xiaobo: \”This is mine!\” Xiaobo pouted and said without confidence: \”I have eaten this.\” CC immediately burst into tears: \”This is my cream cake, I want to eat it.\” Listen. When CC started crying, grandma really started to criticize Xiaobo: \”Why are you so ignorant? How many times have I told you that CC is coming to our house as a guest, you have to be more generous.\” Xiaobo\’s eyes were red, as if he had done something wrong. Silently handing the cream cake to CC as usual. Watching Xiao Bo silently take back the \”strawberry\” cake that was chewed into pieces and without even a single strawberry. Only then did Xiaobo\’s mother feel that she cared too much about CC\’s feelings and wanted to be a responsible master, but ignored Xiaobo\’s feelings. Around us, there are too many ways of dealing with things like Xiaobo\’s mother. We often hear words similar to educating children: \”You are the sister, you must be humble.\” \”You are the master.You have to be generous. \”You have so many toys like this, and others just give them back to you after playing with them. Are you so stingy?\” \”We always feel that we should take care of others first, meet other people\’s needs, and let others choose everything first. As long as others are happy, it doesn\’t matter if we feel a little wronged. Our own desires and needs are suppressed as if we are guilty. While trying to suppress your own desires, you must also try your best to be kind to others and repay every drop of kindness. For every contribution made by others, you must repay a double portion, otherwise you will be terribly uncomfortable. Is this kind of kindness really good? In fact, it is not the case. Wronging oneself to illuminate the good of others is to please, and it suppresses one\’s own life energy. Because one\’s truest desires are suppressed, such suppression will inevitably bring grievances, and this grievance will turn into a The hatred is accumulated in the body. The better the external performance, the more submissive and submissive it is, the more suppressed the pain internally. All energy has one characteristic: the more it explodes when it is suppressed. These desperately suppressed desires will definitely find a hole to burst out. Because they have to look obedient to the outside world and cannot vent to others at will, but not to their family members. In front of their family members, they can show their truest self arbitrarily. Therefore, those children who have been suppressed in order to satisfy their parents\’ face are forced to let go. Children who are happy with others will vent their temper to the people closest to them through inexplicable anger, crying, etc. If a child loses his temper and his family prevents him from venting by beating, scolding, and scolding, these grievances and anger will accumulate in the Inside the body, they turn to attack the body and turn into various diseases. If you observe carefully, you will find that the more good people are, the less likely they will be rewarded. The more good people are, the more likely they are to get cancer, because all the aggression is reserved for themselves. So, no matter Whether it is for the sake of the child\’s physical and mental health or family harmony, the child does not need to wrong himself in order to make others happy. The child needs to understand the boundaries between himself and others. A very important step in this is to let him know from an early age that he values ​​his own things I have absolute dominance. In the process of educating Zai Zai, I always tell him: You are responsible for your things, and boundaries cannot be violated. When children come to play at home and want to play with Zai Zai’s toys, I will say: You have to ask Zai Zai Agree or disagree. If Zai Zai agrees, everyone is happy. If Zai Zai disagrees, please respect his opinion. When Zai Zai goes to other people\’s homes and wants to play with other people\’s toys, I will also tell him that you must first seek the owner\’s opinion. If others agree, you can Play. On the premise of respecting each other, let’s find more effective solutions together. Some mothers worry that such children will be too self-centered? My answer is: no. Those who dig through things in other people’s homes without permission and put them out Those arrogant and arrogant children who say I am a guest and you must respect me. Those children who cut in line at the playground and do not obey the rules are precisely the children whose boundaries are often violated and have not been respected. They cannot even protect their own boundaries. They want to violate other people\’s boundaries to gain inner balance. Those children who clearly understand their own boundaries know better how to respect other people\’s boundaries. Because they understand that they can not let others play with their own belongings, they can respect other people\’s belongings and cannot touch them without permission. Because Know your boundaries, so be aware of them in public placesFollow the rules. The energy of life is like this, what you want, work hard to get it, and what is yours, protect it with your heart. Only in this way can you live a wonderful life. When you need and long for it, when you have it by your own ability, when you are not rich enough to give it up to others, it means that you are simply incapable of being humble. If you are too satisfied with others, who will love and protect you? Keeping everything you own is the greatest love for yourself. This is not selfish or shrewd. It’s that you can never satisfy other people’s desires, and it’s not up to you to satisfy them. If you work hard to please others and suppress your energy for others, such humility will inevitably become worthless. In the end, others will not appreciate your grievances and efforts at all, but will think that your efforts are deserved. Tears of grievance are replaced by shameless ridicule. Continuous humility will gradually lose the courage to fight back. Buffett said: The most valuable teaching in his life was when his father repeatedly said to him: Respect your own feelings. The more unique you are, the more others will like to make irresponsible remarks about you. At this time, all you have to do is persist. your own feelings. So, kid, you don’t need to care about other people’s opinions. You can be shameless and work hard to think about yourself. You can be shameless and say no to others. Be with your own feelings and strive to bloom the light of your life. When you take better and better care of yourself, when you fully feel your life energy, the more you can discover your own energy and value, and you will have the opportunity to show your life vitality.