Son, you have the right to express your anger

There is a short video circulating on the Internet. When a little girl was questioned by her mother, she angrily replied: \”I know I was wrong, so what?\” \”I changed it, so what?\” This is a funny video. When you watch it for the first time, you may be amused by the little girl\’s series of \”so what\”, but when you look at it, the girl\’s hysterical anger makes you unable to laugh. She was really angry, a kind of anger that was not understood, a kind of anger that was forced to admit her mistake. She yelled: \”I\’ve already admitted the words I\’m sorry, right! No! Get up! I just want to be alone and ask you to go out.\” But the parents refused to give up, regardless of the fact that the child had an emotional breakdown, and repeatedly Emphasize whether you are wrong and whether you want to change it. Your attitude is not correct. Please write me a review. The subtext of the parents is: Why does this child have such a bad attitude? It’s so shameful. I have to treat her. At this time, the focus of both sides has nothing to do with what originally happened, but has become an emotional confrontation. Like this pair of parents, when many people face their child\’s anger, their first reaction is not why he is angry, but that I need to suppress his anger first. He cannot be so emotional. Because in our hearts, we unconsciously think that anger is a bad emotion. It represents dissatisfaction, venting and aggression, and we must eliminate it as soon as possible. Is the emotion of anger really as scary as we think? Regarding anger, Wikipedia explains it this way: Anger is an emotional reaction that refers to the self-defense mechanism and fighting response caused by being violated, disrespected, or wrongly treated. In other words: anger is an act of self-preservation. When a person is violated, anger is the body\’s instinctive reaction. It will help you quickly express your emotions at the moment and send out signals and warnings. Therefore, knowing how to express anger appropriately is a child\’s ability to protect himself. When a child is angry, it is actually harmful to him if you don\’t give him a chance to vent and express. My friend, little D, has been a good girl since she was a child. Her parents were very strict with her. In terms of study, she was not allowed to read any other books except textbooks. She read and did homework until midnight every day. She had to be among the top five in the class in the exam. If she didn\’t do well in the exam, she would be scolded. In life, you cannot play with classmates who have poor academic performance. You cannot go home after 9pm when you go out to play occasionally. All things must be packed neatly and clean, and you must be ready for mother\’s inspection at any time. Little D was overwhelmed by the tight control of his parents. She secretly wrote a diary and complained about her dissatisfaction with her parents. As a result, her parents saw the diary, almost slapped her in the face, and the diary was torn to pieces. She knew that her mother had a mysophobia and deliberately made a mess in the room, soiled her clothes and pants on purpose, and scolded her all over the face. In the year of the college entrance examination, little D failed the test and was locked up at home by his parents for 2 months. When the semester started again, little D began to have auditory hallucinations and fell into symptoms of depression. Freud said: \”A person must learn to express his aggression reasonably or symbolically, otherwise he will have psychological problems. Expressing anger is the first step to expressing aggression.\” Don\’t think that when a child is angry,If you suppress him, it will be fine. If a person has been cut off from a young age, he will not know how to deal with his negative emotions, and the unvented anger will continue to accumulate in his heart. This kind of Suppressed emotions can become dangerous. In her book, American writer Debbie Ford compares suppressed emotions to the beach ball effect: an inflated ball only rebounds from the bottom of the water after you press it into the water for a period of time, causing water to splash or hit the ground. on your face or the face of others. Every time you suppress your child\’s anger, you are planting a beach ball for your child that may bounce back at any time. When backlash breaks out, he can only direct his anger toward himself or others. Everyone is bound to face this kind of negative emotion. What should we do when anger comes? Smart parents know how to teach their children to resolve their inner anger and turn it into courage and strength. Regarding this issue, the way parents deal with it in the movie \”Wonder Boys\” is textbook level. 10-year-old Auggie suffers from Treacher Collins Syndrome, which leaves his face severely mutilated. After 27 plastic surgeries, he still cannot have an ordinary face. Because of this face, Auggie was ridiculed and isolated at school. The boys openly insulted and heckled, the girls hid behind their backs and whispered, and from time to time someone gathered to tease him. Faced with such malice, what should Auggie do? His anger had nowhere to vent, and he could only blame all his anger on his \”ugly\” face, which he hated deeply. His parents did not suppress Auggie\’s anger and scold him for being useless and ignorant of fighting back. They did not go to school to beat up these brats, nor did they go to school to accuse the teachers of their inaction. They faced Auggie\’s anger and pain, looked into his eyes, and told him: The marks on everyone\’s face are the path he has traveled throughout his life, just like the wrinkles on his mother\’s face, they are all natural. The face you don\’t like is my son\’s face and I love it. They used encouragement and affirmation to resolve Auggie\’s anger about his face, and helped Auggie build self-confidence and security. With enough love from his parents, Auggie learned to use kindness and wit in ways other than anger to infect his classmates when he faced evil again, and was finally accepted by everyone. Only those who know how to express and resolve anger can get along better with themselves and others; only those who know how to accept their emotions can better control their emotions. American psychologist Daniel Siegel proposed in the book \”Whole Brain Parenting\” that the human brain is divided into four parts: left brain, right brain, upper brain and lower brain. The left brain and upper brain control people\’s thinking ability. , logical relationships, self-control and other advanced activities, the right brain and lower brain control basic activities such as human behavior, emotions, and gross movements. Children\’s left brain and upper brain mature late and need good guidance and stimulation to gradually develop and improve. In other words, every time a child deals with negative emotions such as anger, it is a good opportunity to help him improve the development of his left and upper brain. Therefore, when faced with a child\’s anger, parents should not just put out the fire, but give him the right to express his anger and help him deal with his anger: accept the child\’s anger when the child is violated.When he makes a mistake, is disrespected, or is treated wrongly, he will have anger, which is an instinctive reaction of human beings. Therefore, when your child becomes angry, your first reaction is not to say NO, but to think about it: Why is he angry? Give him independent space to calm down. When your child is angry, don\’t try to reason with him at this time. He won\’t listen at this time. Give him an independent space first and let him vent his anger. Emotional review, face anger with your child. When the child calms down, talk to him about the incident. Try to find out what caused his anger, tell him how he felt at the time, and discuss the next time he encounters a similar situation. What to do when the situation arises. There is a vivid metaphor in \”The Whole Brain Parenting Method\”: Human emotions are like a big river. On one side of the river is chaos and out of control, and on the other side is rigidity and rigidity. Sometimes you drift toward chaos, sometimes toward rigidity. You must find a way to make yourself Only by driving steadily in the middle of the river can you feel calm and comfortable and enjoy the feeling of happiness. Therefore, give your children the right to express anger. Don’t miss this good opportunity for your children to grow up. Deal with their emotions in a timely manner and let them internalize into new growth forces.