Specific manifestations of children with strong hearts

After experiencing hardships, whether a child falls into negative emotions and is unable to extricate himself, or whether he regroups and starts again reflects his level of psychological flexibility. What parents have to do is to help their children strengthen their hearts, stick to their own direction, and move forward with determination. I often hear complaints and complaints from parents: My children are too fragile and have poor resistance to frustration! When encountering difficulties, they shrink back and are afraid of challenges; when faced with failure, they cannot accept it and suffer from inner pain; they always suffer from disadvantages when interacting with peers and are timid;… Is the child\’s heart really not strong enough? How did the fearless and brilliant nature of children disappear? Recently I watched a documentary called \”Becoming You\”, which gave me a new understanding of children\’s instinctive self-exploration and upward growth. How much strength does it take for a child to break through? From birth, children have tried their best for every step of their growth. When James was born, she spent most of her time lying down. A complete collection of inspirational stories and great principles [Best-Selling Collector\’s Edition] pdf One day she began to try to turn over, and tried many times a day without success. Finally one time, she stretched her legs, exerted strength on her lower back, and supported her body with her arms, and she turned over! Like James, Rufus experienced the first change in his life. He learned to stand at 11 months old and fell down more than 100 times a day. Although he cried countless times after being tortured, James still did not give up, wiped his tears and continued to try. Eventually he stood up and began the next phase of the challenge – walking. Ava was an adventurous child and took on the surfing that boys often do. During her first experience, she always stared at her feet out of fear, lost her balance, and fell into the water several times. Her companion Daniel was much more steady. He only stared ahead and skated particularly smoothly. Ava went back to practice again the next day. She definitely didn\’t want to embarrass herself in front of her peers. She learned her lesson, looked ahead firmly, adjusted her breathing, concentrated her attention, and made her body more balanced. This time she succeeded and learned to surf. When a child reaches a certain age, he will explore outwards, determine his own direction, and learn to seek cooperation from peers. Living in Anai, Mongolia, he moved around with his family. When we arrived at the new camp, the adults were busy setting up tents, and her mother asked Anne to dig some snow in the distance for cooking. Although the bucket filled with snow is not big, it is a bit laborious for 4-year-old Anne. So Anne asked her playmates for help. She knew very well the need for cooperation. It is indeed much easier for two people to do things together. Don’t cut off your child’s mental toughness. We often say that a person’s mental toughness determines how far he can go in the future. Psychological resilience is a person\’s ability to recover from adversity, conflict, failure, and even positive events. The stronger the psychological adaptability to external stimuli, the greater the resilience, the more pressure can be withstood, and the more pressure can be continuously recovered from adversity. Children are far more powerful than we think, and they don’t need to be deliberately trained to be self-disciplined and strong. So what makes a child go from tough to vulnerable? Most of the reasons are the influence of the growing environment, especially parents\’ anxiety and distrust of their children, which leads to thorns on the road to parenting. A video once spread all over the Internet. A girl asked her father\”Always makes people unhappy\”, which made netizens feel funny and sad after watching it. Little girl: Dad, you have a little shortcoming, do you know what it is? Dad: What? Little girl: Sometimes, you always make others unhappy, which I think is not good. Can you change it? Dad: No, I just want to make you unhappy now so that you will not collapse easily in the future. The flowers in the greenhouse cannot withstand the wind and rain… This kind of frustration education has always been popular and is often misused by parents: treating people as The created pressure is forcibly thrown onto the children so that they can be tempered by adversity. But this will not make the child stronger, it will only increase the child\’s insecurity. In reality, children face many setbacks. Worrying about not being able to finish homework, unsatisfactory test scores, being isolated by peers, being criticized by teachers… these are all big things in the eyes of children. \”The Choice of Education\” says: \”The real frustration education does not require parents to create setbacks, but to be able to face setbacks with their children.\” Children who are beaten, ignored or doted on by their parents will not become stronger. For those children who are truly strong in their hearts, their parents (or other caregivers) know how to give them enough respect, acceptance, love and equality. Therefore, they all have common characteristics: self-empowerment – self-affirmation, adapting to changes – sufficient security, knowing how to say \”no\” – the ability to resist harm, accepting mistakes – not afraid of making mistakes, and having a sense of responsibility to celebrate the success of others – A truly confident person will applaud others and try again even if they fail – a growth mindset, a child who becomes more courageous the more frustrated he is and is praised – \”I can do this\” William James, a famous American psychologist ) once said: \”The deepest essence of human nature is the desire to be appreciated.\” If a child can often receive encouragement and appreciation, he will think that \”he can do it\” and will gain more and more through his own efforts. A greater sense of value and competence. Even ordinary and mediocre children will change due to recognition from the outside world. The protagonist of the movie \”The Hand\” is based on the legendary doctor Ben Carson. He was the head of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital, where the first brain separation operation of conjoined twins in human history was also completed. , and the surgeon who performed the surgery was Ben Carson. Ben Carson, who has such outstanding achievements, did not grow up smoothly during his childhood. He grew up in a slum and often scored 0 points in exams. His classmates once mocked him as \”the stupidest kid in the world.\” He himself began to deny himself and give up on himself, watching TV with his brother at home every day. Single mother Sonia didn\’t want to see Ben Carson depressed and kept encouraging him: \”You are not the stupidest kid, you just don\’t make good use of your intelligence. You have a lot of ideas in your head, and you have to be able to see what\’s in front of you.\” Things other than that.\” She sent the children to the library to read books and asked them to write reading reports. With the influence of reading, the two boys seemed to have discovered a new world and no longer indulged in low-level interests. With his mother\’s approval and encouragement, Ben Carson became a medical master and realized his own value. Children with a growth mindset – \”All difficulties are inevitable\”There is a solution.\” A child with a strong heart should have the ability to not be afraid of making mistakes and learn from mistakes. Only people who are allowed to make mistakes since childhood can have this ability. Regarding children making mistakes, Professor Zhou Haihong of the Central Conservatory of Music A speech made many parents deeply moved – \”Parents should not regard correcting their children\’s mistakes as their first task. Because when we work hard to correct our children\’s mistakes and do not allow them to make mistakes, we are actually cultivating a child who is afraid of making mistakes. Many people believe that people who do not make mistakes are excellent. However, in this society, a person who is not afraid of making mistakes is better. A person who is not afraid of making mistakes has more opportunities for development than a person who does not make mistakes. It is impossible for people not to make mistakes. If children are cultivated to be afraid of making mistakes, they will lose many opportunities for social survival. We often say that a successful person is often ready to seize opportunities. If we implement him into specific personality characteristics, it means that such a person is often not afraid of making mistakes. His character quality of moving forward bravely and seizing opportunities comes from the sense of security he gained during his childhood learning. Therefore, parents should not always correct their children\’s mistakes. A child who dares to make mistakes and becomes more courageous with every setback believes that he will not fail all the time. If he cannot do something this time, he may be able to do it next time if he studies hard and tries hard. This is a growth mindset, the ability to better adapt to future developments. Children infected by open-minded optimism – \”Everything will be fine\” If parents do not complain when encountering problems, actively solve problems, and tend to be optimistic in their explanation style, it will directly affect their children\’s views on things. Xie Renren, a girl who lost her right leg in a car accident when she was 4 years old, has touched countless people. Although her education was difficult, she was admitted to Southwest University of Political Science and Law, her first choice, with an excellent score of 627 points. When she was growing up, her mother, who also lost a leg, was always by her side. Xie Renren did not go to kindergarten, so her mother taught her arithmetic and reading at home. When she reached the age of elementary school, her mother traveled to most of the county before an ordinary elementary school accepted her. While in school, Xie Renren was under tremendous psychological pressure because of his physical disability. One day, when she was playing with her classmates, her prosthetic leg suddenly flew away. The friends around her scattered in fright, crying and running. She was ashamed and sad, so she went home and cried to her mother. Her mother said to her: \”It doesn\’t matter, just tie it up tighter next time! Be yourself and don\’t blame others.\” She no longer cares about other people\’s opinions and will do whatever makes her feel comfortable. . Like other girls who love beauty, she found the disharmony after putting on her new pants. She looked in the mirror and thought: Instead of being so disharmonious, why not just show them! Her mother\’s tenacity and optimism have always inspired Xie Renren, allowing her to regain her confidence in life despite despair, and continue to challenge herself to realize her dreams one after another. She likes fitness – she won the swimming championship, not only played badminton, but also learned rock climbing; she likes traveling – wearing prosthetics and crutches, she started from Guizhou and visited Dali, Lijiang, Shangri-La, Feilai Temple, Brahmaputra Grand Canyon, after more than 30 days of turbulence on the Yunnan-Tibet line, we finally arrived at the Potala Palace safely… Tenacity is a person\’s best armor. How can such a life not be exciting if you are determined in your heart and stick to your own direction? A child with a strong heart is actually a child who has gained \”psychological freedom\” during the growth stage, and children with psychological freedom are usually more self-disciplined. Rather than spending huge efforts to cultivate children\’s strong hearts, it is better to respect children\’s instinctive desire for development. The best way to educate is for one life to gently influence another life, rather than transform each other. I wish all children can have a strong heart and freely control their lives!