Stay-at-home moms, please allow yourself to let go of some of your strength

The family circle is an online gathering place for relatives from my husband’s home. Usually everyone laughs and laughs, sends pictures, red envelopes, and complains, and sometimes there is nothing to match. One day, the eldest daughter-in-law of my husband’s uncle’s family first posted a wave of photos of her precious son eating, drinking and defecating in the circle. A few minutes passed. The second daughter-in-law also began to show off her daughter\’s daily life. Mother is a creature that is born to love all kinds of comparisons. I happened to have free time at that time, but I didn’t have any photos of my children to post. A moment of loneliness. I want to make a joke to everyone. I sent a sentence: \”A fight picture?\” Then I sent a few emoticons that my friends sent me mainly to enhance the atmosphere and make fun. Things like, \”A person like you can\’t survive more than two episodes in a drama,\” \”Look, you\’re chatting to death again,\” and \”You\’re so capable, why isn\’t your profile picture hanging on Tiananmen Square?\” My intention is just to make everyone laugh. But two minutes later, I received a private message from my second daughter-in-law: \”Are you talking about me when you sent those pictures? To be honest, you guessed that I was competing for pictures.\” When I heard something was wrong, I continued He said, \”I\’m sorry, I\’m sorry. I just wanted to joke with everyone. Did I hurt you unintentionally?\” Unexpectedly, this sentence made the second daughter-in-law burst into tears. My husband\’s uncle has two sons. They got married around the same time and had children. The eldest daughter-in-law is a strong-willed person and calls her parents-in-law over to help take care of her children. The second daughter-in-law is gentle and virtuous. Her husband often travels for work. After giving birth, she quit her original job and worked full-time. Take care of the kids, take care of the house, stay organized. \”I feel sad that my daughter has not been taken care of by her grandparents since she was a child. The two families appear to be peaceful on the surface, but in fact conflicts are brewing.\” \”I know it is better to raise the children by myself, but if I had to choose again, I would not choose to marry into a family with two sons. .\” This is completely different from the second daughter-in-law in my impression. I don’t have much contact with my second daughter-in-law, and our relationship is not deep. Most of the impressions of her that remain in my mind are pieced together from the pictures she posts on her WeChat Moments, the comments she leaves, and the way she expresses herself. She loves updating her status. Dozens of posts a day, never stopping. The content of the pictures ranges from her husband making all kinds of delicious breakfasts for her daughter in the morning to accompanying her daughter day after day, taking the trouble to take piano lessons and attend early education classes; most of the words she left were declarations of independent women, raising children and doing housework. , she loves her parents, is filial to her parents-in-law, and keeps an empty house, but it doesn’t matter, don’t be afraid, she always works very hard to create an atmosphere in which she loves the world very much, and the world also loves her extremely; she often reposts some official posts . The theme is always positive and full of positive energy. Every article calls on women to never give up on themselves, to be independent, not to be dependent, to be strong, and not to beg for mercy. If it weren\’t for the conversation triggered by the pictures I accidentally forwarded to the family group, she and I would have been almost hypnotized by those fresh and beautiful moments in the circle of friends that absorbed a lot of light sources, a lot of colors, and also concealed a lot of the darkness of reality. The philosopher Montesquieu said: We always imagine others to be much happier than they actually are. Modern social tools have infinitely expanded the boundaries of this imagination. Taiwanese artist Xiao S once said self-deprecatingly about taking selfies: Do you think those sleepy, casual-looking, no-makeup photos I posted in great condition are really casual?Did you post it online? Of course not. In order to capture that casual feeling, I have deleted almost a thousand pictures that looked defective, and I have been working on this all morning. Oh my God, this is the truth! Life on social tools is one-sided, illusory, over-beautified and selected, and is not the whole picture of life at all. But the problem is that illusions are very seductive. A foreign study found that people who were originally relatively satisfied with their lives became suspicious after using social tools such as Facebook. Because they see that other people\’s lives are much more interesting, more advanced, and more brilliant than their own. People who have been posting and looking at pictures for a long time can no longer accept the blend of bitterness and joy in life, and try their best to turn a blind eye to the bitter part. The method is to pretend to be strong, pretend to be brave, pretend to be able to cope with everything in front of you. Is this really a strong person in life? I remember an incident that happened more than 20 years ago. Re-see it in today’s context. Perhaps it can help us understand what kind of people are truly brave. When I was in the first grade of junior high school, there was a female top student sitting behind me. Usually, she has already figured out the answer before I even understand the question. Mathematics, physics and chemistry that would make ordinary girls gnash their teeth are at her fingertips. She only finished second when her performance was very abnormal. There was such a little teacher, but I never asked her for any questions, because I was afraid that my questions were too simple and naive, and she looked like such a proud girl. One morning, however, we received news of her death. She committed suicide and was determined to die. She drank two pesticides at the same time. Before committing suicide, she thought very clearly: she had eaten well and put on makeup. I heard repeatedly that the reason for her suicide was: her father was having an affair. She was 15 years old when she died. For 15 years, her life has focused on studies, studies, studies. Her impressive results make her look so indestructible. There is no way for her to gain other life experience from learning this matter. For example, people can actually be fragile. For example, people can seek help from outside when they are vulnerable. I often feel that if the psychological education in school at that time was more in-depth, and if this girl was not so strong, maybe she could face herself without being so desperate. I decided to tell my second daughter-in-law: Actually, you really don’t have to be as strong as you seem. Perhaps the illusion of an overwhelming circle of friends can easily lead women to understand independence and dependence as two completely opposite states. In fact, a person does not become more independent the less dependent he is on others. People always need dependence to survive. True self-reliance is to clearly understand to what extent you are dependent on something, and to seek help on this basis. A true brave man is one who dares to face his own fragility and does not let it bury or destroy him.