Stop giving your children unnutritious comfort

During the summer, it is very necessary not to just enroll your children in various interest classes, but to chat with them and pay attention to their current psychological growth – although the \”collection\” may not be visible or tangible for the time being. When a child grows up, he has to participate in too many competitions. It’s fine if he wins, but what if he loses? Today I want to talk to you about every child’s self-confidence that will be frustrated or even collapsed. How can we help children rebuild their self-confidence? This is a big proposition that every parent has to solve. In fact, there are rules to follow, or it can be said to be a \”technical job\”. ▋\”It\’s okay\” is a useless comfort. When my son first went to school, his teacher commented that he was a child with \”overwhelming self-confidence\”. No matter how much better others are than him, he will always try his best to use his sharp tongue to put others down. For this reason, he is often suppressed by his teachers. But he was still heartless. He never took it to heart whether he won or lost, whether he did well or not, and forgot about it in the blink of an eye. But after a sports meeting, I found that, without realizing it, he learned to care. It was a relay race. Because there were too many classmates who ran faster than him, he was quickly eliminated. At that time, he also signed up for two other projects, but he did not communicate well with the teacher when signing up, so the teacher did not notice. In the end, I didn’t participate. According to his past style, he would have forgotten this kind of thing the next day, and would have no time to feel sad. But this time, when I was in the stands with him as a spectator on the day of the sports meeting, I could clearly feel that he was in a very bad mood. Later, I bought him a small diary and asked him to write down his unhappiness, which also helped him find an outlet to vent. I still remember that he angrily wrote half a page in his notebook, and even included a picture of a volcano erupting. I think this setback had some impact on him. Before the holiday, my son came home from school and told me that his class was selecting various \”advanced\” titles that day, but before the selection, a \”little thing\” happened – the teacher asked a question: Is there anyone who feels something about themselves? Can\’t be rated? He raised his hand. But he didn\’t know whether it was right to raise his hand. In fact, except for the title of \”Reading Star\” that he was given like dividing pork, he has never won any awards. We have never talked about such things as awarding, let alone being punished if he does not win. Criticized. \”Is it right to raise your hand?\” – It\’s not that he was trying to figure out whether I would criticize him, but that he suddenly lost confidence in himself, and he didn\’t know whether he was worthless or not. I know that simply saying \”It\’s okay\” can no longer comfort him, and may even make him feel that I don\’t understand his situation so I am so dismissive. He wanted me to give him an evaluation. He wanted to know what he was like. ▋\”What kind of person do you think you are?\” So I asked him, \”Why do you think you are so bad? Is it because you have been criticized too much by the teacher this semester, or do you really feel that you are bad?\” Hearing this Question, he frowned, looked away, and hesitated for a long time but couldn\’t explain it clearly. I then said to him, \”The teacher criticizes you. That is the teacher\’s evaluation of you. Have you evaluated yourself? StillDoes it mean that if the teacher thinks you are bad, you will feel bad, and if the teacher thinks you are good, you will feel good? \” He turned to look at me with a troubled expression. I understood that this tongue-twisting question was too profound, but I had to bite the bullet and explain it to the end. I said, \”The math teacher may not like you very much, but The English teacher likes you very much, doesn\’t she? He nodded. \”Then the two teachers have different evaluations of you. Which teacher do you think is right?\” \”I asked again. He was confused again. I continued to preach, \”In addition to being evaluated by others, the most important thing for a person is to give yourself an evaluation. What others say is not as important as your own self-understanding. After you have a correct evaluation of yourself, you will not be too disturbed and swayed by other people\’s evaluations. He nodded confusedly. \”Can you tell me what kind of person you think you are?\” \”I asked him. This question sounded much simpler. He relaxed and talked about some of his advantages, such as being helpful, and then talked about some things that he was dissatisfied with about himself, such as feeling that his temper was sometimes bad. Well, the results were not ideal… As for the results, we never emphasized anything. We just said that as long as you work hard, you can get any score. Unexpectedly, his \”motivation\” finally awakened at this moment, which surprised me a little. I then asked him, \”Since you are dissatisfied with yourself, have you ever thought about making changes? For example, have you found any role models that you can learn from? He thought for a while and said, \”Classmate XXX is very good, has a good temper, and studies well.\” \”I said, \”Isn\’t it easy? Just follow his example, improve yourself, and become what you like! \” At this point, it seems that there is no direct answer to the question he wanted to know at the beginning whether he was right or wrong in raising his hand, but that is not important anymore. ▋ The process of exploring \”who am I\” is too painful, But if necessary, I just want him to understand that as a social person, we face evaluations from others every day. We can neither completely turn a blind eye nor be controlled by them. Therefore, the most important thing is to introspect ourselves and make reasonable and correct decisions about ourselves. Evaluation. However, the question of who am I and what kind of person am I am not so easy to answer. Many people may not find the answer throughout their lives, so they can only live in the evaluation of others and be influenced by other people’s sentences. The process of exploring \”who am I\” is certainly not an easy and pleasant process, because introspection itself is a thing that brings pressure. It gives people less excuses for being willful, and it also prompts a person to constantly Make changes, and any change will be more or less painful. But even so, I am still willing to discuss this issue of self-evaluation with him. I am happy to see that he starts to care about other people\’s opinions, because it shows that He is growing; however, no matter how hard the process is, I still hope that he can find the answer to \”who am I\” by himself, an answer that is neither arrogant nor belittle oneself, because that is the real growth! Wen ｜Gaga Mama