Stop instilling these negative messages into your children, the consequences are really serious

If a child with normal intelligence is told all day long, \”You\’re an idiot\”, \”You\’re slow to react\”, \”This child is careless\”, over time, the child will really behave stupidly, slow to react, and Act carelessly. Do you believe it or not? Yesterday afternoon, my cousin needed to receive a temporary client, so she left her third-grade son Tangtang at my house to do her homework, and asked me to help check it out. After his cousin left, the little guy behaved quite honestly. He sat down at the desk obediently, took out a wrinkled mathematics paper from his school bag, and started working on it. I was busy working on my manuscript and occasionally looked back at the child. He scratched his head from time to time, or held the pen for a while, and it seemed that it was not easy. After a while, the child probably finished his homework, so he called me: \”Auntie, please sign for me!\” I wanted to go over and praise the child for doing his homework seriously, but after picking up the paper, I found that several simple multiplication and division problems were obvious. My calculation was wrong, and I haven\’t finished the next two word problems. In order to avoid the embarrassment of the child, I said tactfully: \”Tangtang, look at these questions, should we calculate them carefully?\” The child blushed in embarrassment and said, \”Hey, you calculated it wrong, right? I\’ll do it. I am so careless when it comes to calculation questions, and I always make mistakes in the questions that give points.\” I asked tentatively again: \”What about this word question, can we supplement it?\” The child said: \”Well… let\’s not do it now, my mother said I\’m not good at it. Ask my deskmate tomorrow to do word problems. He is smarter than me and will definitely do it.\” I was thinking about how to enlighten Tangtang and make him have some confidence in himself, when my cousin came back. Before I could \”report\”, my cousin scolded me: \”Tangtang\’s homework is done, isn\’t it? Is the paper crumpled up like a piece of tissue paper? I made a lot of mistakes in the calculation questions. What do you mean? Why is the child so careless? Day by day, he has no memory and gets all the points for the wrong questions. He often leaves blank the following application questions, which makes me so worried. Why is he so stupid…\” When my cousin was scolding like this, the child was Sitting quietly on the chair, not talking, lowering his head and tugging at the hem of his clothes… Stupidity may be learned. In the field of children\’s education, there is a term called \”learned stupidity\”, which is the name of the famous American children\’s educator Kesti. from. In long-term research, Cates found that many children with normal intelligence at birth received too many negative comments from parents, teachers, and society during their learning, such as \”You are a bad boy\” and \”You are such a pig.\” \”Brain\”. Over time, children gradually lose confidence in themselves and think that they are what others call a \”bad boy\” or a \”pig brain\”. As a result, their learning motivation and self-confidence become very low. In the end, these children not only had poor grades, but also often failed to do small things in life. They really behaved like \”bad boys\” and \”big idiots\”. If you think about it carefully, our own children are more or less \”learned stupidity\”! Just like my cousin\’s child Tangtang, he is actually a very clever little boy, but he is a little slow in accepting word problems and misses several questions of the same type. Then he is defined by his mother and teachers as \” Not good at word problems.\” Over time, children internally accept this negative suggestion and believe that they are really not suitable for apps.So every time I encounter a slightly more difficult question, I will be afraid of the difficulty and make excuses for myself: \”I won\’t do it, I don\’t know how to do it anyway.\” The result is that the more questions I don\’t know accumulate, the more questions I don\’t know. Too many, and in the end I am really not good at doing word problems. The negative messages we convey to our children are so frightening that the power of verbal cues is really powerful. Positive hints can make people more confident and determined to persevere even if they encounter difficulties; while negative hints can make people discouraged, deny themselves, lack confidence, and have no motivation. What children need most for their growth is a positive and healthy environment. However, due to work pressure, long-term speaking habits, anxiety, etc., adults always involuntarily convey very negative emotions to their children: the child wakes up late in the morning; We were going to be late, so we blurted out: \”What time is it, and he is still sleeping with his butt stuck out! Why is this child so lazy? Who did he learn this from?\” On the way to school, the child was very active, running and jumping, and accidentally fell down. We blurted out: \”You deserve to be naughty! You can\’t just keep walking, right? What\’s wrong with monkeys?\” When doing homework at home, the children\’s handwriting was not neat, so we said angrily: \”Is there a northwest wind? Do you still have a word? Do you understand horizontally or vertically? Did I just forget it after teaching it?\” Children who grow up in such an environment will have a deep sense of not being understood and not trusted, because children are In the eyes of parents, nothing is right and nothing can be done well. However, parents did not tell their children what to do in time. As a result, many children become resentful and resistant to their parents; and the parents are also very depressed. They are obviously doing their best for their children, but why do their children still go against them? How to positively guide children when they behave badly? (1) Talk about the situation and don’t rush to label your child. Many times, when a child shows a shortcoming in a certain aspect, parents can easily magnify the shortcoming and then label the child based on generalizations. For example, when a child does not dare to say hello to strangers, what we blurt out is: \”Why is this child so shy? He has no manners and does not say hello to anyone!\” In this common example, \”shy\” and \”no\” \”Courtesy\” is a label we casually give to our children, which still has a profound impact on children\’s hearts. For children, the social scope is very small, and it is normal to be afraid of strangers. The child is not really \”shy\” or \”rude\”, it\’s just that the parents have not guided them correctly. I once met a mother who never forced herself when faced with her daughter who didn\’t like to say hello. Every time she meets an acquaintance, her mother will imitate the voice of a child and shout \”Hello Auntie\”, \”Hello Grandpa\” and \”Hello Grandma\” in a cheerful and soft tone, and then the child will happily follow the shouts. (2) Say more \”what should be done\” and less \”what not to do.\” Parents love their children. Although sometimes their words are a bit harsh, they still hate iron. However, the language used when educating children is also very particular. The same sentence often has completely different effects if it is said another way. The most important thing is to replace our criticism and complaints with positive onesEncouragement and hints. For example: On a cold day, if a child doesn\’t want to wear a coat, instead of saying \”You\’ll freeze to death if you don\’t wear it\”, it\’s better to say \”You can have fun with the children if you dress warmly.\” If the child doesn\’t clean up the toys or picture books after using them, instead of criticizing them, If a child is \”sloppy\”, it is better to say, \”Put the toys in order now so that they will be easier to find next time.\” When a child is slow in writing homework, instead of scolding the child for \”dawdling\” and \”inking\”, it is better to tell the child, \”Write well, and we will feel pain after finishing it.\” Play happily.\” When a child is not serious about writing, instead of scolding him as \”crab crawling\” or \”dog scratching\”, it is better to say, \”If you write this horizontally a little flatter, it will look better than now.\” In fact, if parents want to give Children always convey positive hints. You must first be a positive person, think more calmly and be patient when encountering problems, and try to see and understand problems from the child\’s perspective. Over time, you You can better accept your child\’s various emotions instead of getting angry at every turn. After all, who wants to get angry if the problem can be solved peacefully?