Strategies on how to build a good parent-child relationship

Late at night, my best friend posted a complaint on WeChat Moments: \”Adolescent children are really terrible!\” It turned out that that night, her best friend heard the sound of games coming from her son\’s bedroom, so she pushed the door in and found that her son had not finished his homework. After that, I played games there instead. She became furious and scolded her son. As a result, her son suddenly got mad and threw the fruits and homework on the table all over the floor. He said angrily: \”Who let you in?\” Then he pushed her out and slammed the door. My bestie is really angry and sad. Adolescent children are always very sensitive and difficult to deal with. I have heard a saying: \”If the relationship between parents and children is not strong enough, parents\’ influence on their children will be very weak by adolescence.\” If you want to go through adolescence smoothly, repairing the parent-child relationship is the key. If parents want to handle the parent-child relationship well and turn adolescence into a repair period, a boost period, and a golden development period for their children, they must master these four psychological laws. Southerly Effect A few days ago, I saw a piece of news. My father, Lao Tang, is from Lianyungang, Jiangsu Province. He has a son, Xiao Tang, who is in junior high school. Because Old Tang has gone out to work since he was a child and knows the importance of learning, he has very strict requirements for Xiao Tang. But instead of improving his grades, his son\’s grades worsened and he often got into trouble at school. Every time the teacher called him \”parent,\” Old Tang\’s method of education was to take his son over and beat him up. This made Xiao Tang even more rebellious, and he simply said he didn\’t want to go to school. The relationship between father and son was also in jeopardy. In fact, the brain development of adolescent children is not yet complete, and they are particularly impulsive, rebellious, and face-saving. If you are rough and tough, he can be a hundred times tougher than you, but in the end both sides will suffer. This is like the \”south wind effect\” in psychology: the north wind and the south wind compete to see who can take off the coats of pedestrians. The north wind blew a biting cold wind. The pedestrians felt cold and wrapped their coats tighter. The south wind blew a soft warm breeze. The pedestrians felt warm and took off their coats. Therefore, parents must not confront their adolescent children head-on, but must learn to overcome toughness with gentleness. Just like Lao Tang, after his son got tired of studying, he completely reflected on himself and decided to put aside his stature and adopt a smarter method. After discussing with his son, Old Tang decided to let his son take a break from school for a while and go cycling together. They started from Lianyungang, Jiangsu Province and passed through Anhui, Hubei, Shaanxi, Sichuan, Tibet and other places, riding nearly 9,000 kilometers. After spending a long time together day and night, both of them discovered the advantages that they had never noticed in each other. Slowly, the relationship between father and son has greatly improved: \”Now he tells me jokes every day on the road and asks me questions every day. In the past, he was afraid to talk to me at home and basically would not take the initiative to talk to me. The communication has changed a lot now, and it has become a lot more cheerful. The two of them are now a bit like buddies.\” Moreover, after the ride, Xiao Tang also seriously reflected on himself under the influence of his father and decided to study hard after returning home. I like a sentence very much: \”If an iron-like education falls on children, they will be as weak as water. If a soft-like education falls on children, they will be as strong and powerful as iron.\” Therefore, when facing adolescent children, , head-on confrontation is the last resort, sincerelyUnderstanding and teaching in a step-by-step manner are the best ways to polish the \”stubborn stones\” of adolescence. Many parents have a deep understanding of the over-limit effect. It is really difficult to communicate with adolescent children. The child who used to talk to you about everything now starts to get annoyed with you without even saying a few words. Zhao Yuping, the speaker of Baijia Forum, told a story: One day, a friend who was a mother suddenly called him and cried: \”Teacher Zhao, I can\’t live this life!\” It turned out that one day she was at home. While cleaning, she saw her son, who was in the third grade of junior high school, going from his room to the living room to pour water. She asked casually: \”Have you finished your homework?\” Unexpectedly, her son became furious: \”Ask, ask, what to ask, you know what to ask all day long.\” !Leave me alone!\” After saying that, he returned to the house and closed the door with a bang. The mother was confused and felt particularly aggrieved for a moment. Later, when Zhao Yuping talked to the boy, he discovered that his mother urged him to study every day, and even asked him several times a day. Every time I ask him if he has finished his homework and he replies that he has finished, his mother will say: \”You are still sitting on the sofa in a daze after you finish? Why don\’t you take the time to do the exercises and memorize the words! I push him every time.\” Please move, your dad and I have worked hard outside to make money, who can you deserve?\” But if he didn\’t finish his answer, his mother started to accuse again: \”I haven\’t finished it, I haven\’t finished it, why don\’t you take the time to write it? ? With such a bad attitude towards learning, who can you deserve?\” Under his mother\’s long-term nagging, the boy was extremely annoyed and his psychological defense was extremely fragile. There is a term in psychology called \”translimit effect.\” It refers to the psychological phenomenon that causes extreme psychological impatience or resistance due to excessive stimulation, too strong stimulation and too long acting time. By adolescence, children have a stronger and stronger concept of \”I\” and desire independence and freedom. Duel? Don’t compete with adolescent children. High-definition scan PDF download. If parents continue to nag and accuse arbitrarily, the children’s long-standing emotions will burst out, and they may even engage in various “rebellious” behaviors. When Professor Li Meijin talked about adolescence parenting, she said: The first thing parents have to do is to keep their mouths shut. When dealing with adolescent children, there is really no better way to communicate except learning to shut up and empathize. When you shut up, don\’t suppress, and quietly guard your child\’s healthy growth, home is the warmest haven for your child. The Hedgehog Law Many people describe adolescent children as being like a hedgehog covered in thorns. They don\’t get close to strangers. If you step into their territory even slightly, they will flash their spikes at you. A 14-year-old boy in Nanjing called the police, claiming that his father installed a camera to monitor him. When the police arrived, the father explained: \”The child always likes to stay up late playing games, and he is busy at work, so he wants to monitor the child\’s study through surveillance.\” The child angrily complained: \”You are invading my privacy!\” The father did not understand. : \”What am I monitoring you for? How much privacy do you have? Who am I, and I can\’t monitor you?\” Adolescent children have increased self-awareness, desire for independence, and are full of inner tension. If parents continue to over-control and interfere with their adolescent children as before, it will only lead to parent-child conflicts. The relationship between many adolescent children and their parents deteriorates,It started from parents’ transgression. If you want to embrace a \”hedgehog child\”, you must understand the psychological hedgehog law. Two sleepy hedgehogs huddled together due to the cold. But because they each had thorns on their bodies, they moved some distance away, but they couldn\’t bear the cold, so they got together. After several twists and turns, the two hedgehogs finally found a suitable distance: they could get each other\’s warmth without getting stung. If you want to get along peacefully with adolescent children, you must find this appropriate distance and leave a certain amount of space for the children. For example, don’t go through your child’s things casually, knock on the door before entering the child’s room, and discuss with the child before making a decision… Only by watching with a sense of boundaries and providing warm support behind the scenes can we have a natural and peaceful relationship with this “little hedgehog” Live with each other lovingly. The Law of Self-Esteem has seen such a news. Mingming, a 16-year-old boy, had a dinner with relatives after his high school entrance examination, and ended up fighting with his father. It turned out that while eating, Mingming used a power bank to charge her mobile phone while eating. After the father saw it, he felt that the child had no rules, so he asked his son to put the phone away; Mingming felt aggrieved, so he shouted back. Dad felt so embarrassed that he took his cell phone away angrily and slapped him in the face. Being beaten in front of relatives, Mingming felt that her self-esteem was hurt, so she raised her hand and \”retaliated\” to her father, hitting him several times in succession. Many netizens feel that Mingming\’s behavior is a bit extreme, and he doesn\’t follow the rules. As everyone knows, adolescent children are a critical period for the formation of self-identity and sense of dignity. For them, maintaining decency and respect is the most important thing. If the parents\’ words and deeds destroy his self-esteem and magnify the problem, the child may have great mood swings. A netizen told a story about his childhood. When he was in junior high school, someone broke his book, refused to apologize, and spoke rudely to him. As a result, he and the other party got into a fight, and finally the teacher called the parents of both parties over. When his father came to the office, he did not beat him or scold him in front of everyone. Instead, he bowed to the other parent and took him home. On the way home, he couldn\’t help but ask his father why he didn\’t scold him just now. The father sighed and said: I know that children of your age have the best reputation, and I don’t want to hurt your self-esteem; but do you know? A real man never uses force to solve problems, but takes responsibility when he does something wrong. After hearing this, his face couldn\’t help but blush, and he never fought with anyone again. Educationalist Suhomlinsky once said: When affecting children\’s inner world, one should not dampen the most sensitive corner of their hearts – their self-esteem. In fact, the key to the law of self-esteem is to protect the child\’s self-esteem. The best way to get rid of anxiety attacks? Chen Mo\’s 40 lessons on how to be a non-anxious parent. After adolescence, parents should be the ones who \”stabilize\” their children, not the ones who \”break\” them. American clinical psychologist Lawrence Cohen said: \”Adolescence will end. If you have a close relationship with your child, the child will come back to you as an adult, and you will have a great influence on him. However, if you always criticize him, contradict her, and demand him, dearThe relationship with your child is destroyed. When he grows up, it will be difficult for you to have any influence on him. \”In a sense, adolescence is the last opportunity for children to adjust to their parents. I sincerely hope that all parents can seize the opportunity – be appropriately silent, accept with heart, wait patiently, and establish a harmonious and close parent-child relationship with their children. . Accompany him through the important period of his life smoothly with love and respect, and move towards a braver and more determined tomorrow together.