Successfully passed the high school entrance examination and went to high school: If you want your children to counterattack, if you don’t have enough self-discipline, then make good use of \”heteronomy\”

Have you ever envied other people\’s children? “How come other children are so self-disciplined that they don’t need to be nagged about anything?” “How come other children are so good at arranging time and never need to be pushed when doing homework.” 01 Self-discipline is anti-human. If your child is not self-disciplined enough, as a parent you don’t have to be too Blame yourself. Self-discipline itself is an anti-human inertia or comfort zone tendency. Human nature often includes the pursuit of instant gratification and comfort, while self-discipline requires individuals to suppress current desires, overcome laziness and procrastination, and persist in doing things that are right but may not be easy or comfortable for the sake of long-term goals or higher values. . Parents born in the 1970s and 1980s, especially children from rural areas, have little chance of changing their destiny other than studying. Therefore, in order to change their living conditions, they move from mountain villages or rural areas to cities and study hard. Nowadays, our children are all born in the 2000s and 10s. They have had enough food and clothing since childhood. Children born in the city eat in all the restaurants in the city, and are taken by their parents to travel around the country. Those with good family conditions will also travel abroad. Some children feel that they have already achieved anything without working hard, so why should they make themselves suffer the hardship of studying? Therefore, self-discipline is difficult, and self-discipline for middle school students is even more difficult. Especially children with weak willpower are more likely to be attracted by entertainment content on TV, computers, and mobile phones. These are normal, but how do parents guide and manage them, and how do they use heteronomy to restrain their children. Some children who are enlightened early may gradually reach the state of self-discipline under the influence of their parents\’ heteronomy. For children who have difficulty in self-discipline, parents have the obligation and responsibility to help their children through this period of youth when they cannot control their own words and deeds. Education is watchfulness and companionship. Not all top students are not self-disciplined enough, but they are better at using heterodiscipline, that is, external constraints, to give up part of their freedom and make up for their lack of willpower. Heteronomy is the ultimate answer for most middle school students to counterattack. 02 Heteronomy is a kind of contract spirit. If a person wants to lose weight, he can only stick to it unless he makes a lot of determination and maintains self-discipline. But if you are a group of people, motivating each other and supervising each other every day, in this case, it will be easier to persist. Sometimes some communities will also set up some small penalties. If a member fails to persist on one day, he will have to pay a small price, such as sending a red envelope in the group. Another example is that you make an appointment with a friend to go see a movie together. But before leaving, you were too lazy to go out. If you were alone at this time, you might want to forget it and not go. But if you have an agreement with a friend, you generally need to fulfill this promise. This is also a heteronomy. If you break an appointment, you have paid a price for quality. Let your friends think that you are not punctual and change your mind easily. 03 Make good use of heteronomy and let children counterattack the first place: find an environment conducive to self-improvement. There is a sentence in \”Xunzi Encouraging Learning\”: \”In the midst of hemp, it is straight without support, and the white sand is in nirvana, and it is black with it.\” \”The environment has a huge impact on a person, so I want my children to use their discipline well.\” We must create a good heteronomic environment for our children. The external physical nature of the environment hereenvironment and psychological environment. Physical environment: For example, do not let children read or do homework in a comfortable bedroom or lying on the bed. Don’t eat snacks and study at the same time. You can take your children to study in the study room or to the library for self-study. Many people who are taking the postgraduate entrance examination do not study at home, preferring to go to the study room or library to study. This is because in such a large environment, it is easier to let yourself be disciplined by others, instead of thinking about what to eat at home later. It\’s not like you go lie down for a while when you\’re tired. Psychological environment: The psychological environment is to allow children to join a positive circle. Just like running, if you run alone, you will easily become inert. But if you join a running community and check in every day, you will be positively affected by everyone. If children can have such a positive and mutually encouraging circle, it will be more conducive to being disciplined. Second: Using the Punishment Characteristics of Heteronomy When adults go to work, even if they don’t want to get up early, they still need to clock in according to work hours. This is a passive heteronomy. Because if you don’t go to work on time, you will be punished by fines, naming and criticism, etc. Or if you are always late and there is no substantial punishment, you will feel uneasy inside. You will try your best to correct it later and ensure that you are not late. I once heard a teacher talk about this method to let children do oral arithmetic exercises. If you complete the first pass and cannot guarantee that everything is correct, you will be penalized for one error and three. Such punitive measures can ensure that children are more serious and careful when solving questions, and ensure 100% accuracy within the scope of their abilities. Third: Establish clear goals and reward mechanisms. In the process of using heteronomy to help children grow, it is crucial to set clear goals and establish corresponding reward mechanisms. Doing so can not only provide children with a clear direction for their efforts, but also stimulate their inner motivation so that heteronomy and self-discipline complement each other. Clear goals: Specific and measurable: The goals should be specific and measurable, such as \”Complete all exercises in the math chapter this week and achieve a 90% accuracy rate.\” Such goals are both clear and challenging, motivating children to work hard for them. Phased implementation: Split the big goal into several small goals, and set a completion deadline for each small goal. Doing so will help children gradually build confidence, and at the same time, they can better monitor progress and adjust learning strategies in a timely manner. Reward mechanism: Immediate reward: When a child completes a small goal, give timely recognition and encouragement, which can be verbal praise, a small gift, or increasing the time for some activities they like. Immediate rewards allow children to immediately feel positive feedback from their efforts, thus enhancing their motivation to learn. Long-term rewards: Set more attractive long-term rewards for completing big goals, such as a family outing, a long-awaited toy or book, etc. Long-term rewards can stimulate children\’s continuous motivation and encourage them to persevere towards greater goals. Combining rewards with interests: Understand children\’s interests and hobbies, combine rewards with their interests, and make rewards more personalized and meaningful. For example, if your child enjoys drawing, reward them with extra drawing time or materials after completing a learning task. By establishing clear goals and reward mechanisms, heteronomy is no longer just an external constraint;Transformed into the child\’s inner driving force. In the process of pursuing goals and enjoying rewards, children will gradually form the habit of self-discipline and self-motivation, and eventually realize the transformation from heterodiscipline to self-discipline.