Such a \”selfish\” mother is the best feng shui for a family

What does it really mean to be a mom? In traditional understanding, this is a sweet and even great thing: you gave birth to a new life, and accompanied and escorted it wholeheartedly as it grew up. But there are always two sides to the story. The other side that is not stated clearly is the uneasiness and anxiety of \”an independent individual\” becoming \”the host of another strange life\” and having to sacrifice oneself and autonomy. In a state of constant demands, we may fall into a storm of inner emotions, become angry, and even want to escape or stay away from it all… Faced with such an impact, how can we face, accept and adapt to the change in identity? Today, One Psychology has invited Liang Xiaoling, a \”slash mom\” who has also experienced this stage of identity transformation, to talk about how she adjusts, heals herself, and passes on this energy to more people. human. Let\’s hear her story. Becoming a “mom” is not the “end” of life. Pregnancy is important and special for every woman. It can be felt as both a privilege and a burden. In the early stages of pregnancy, I still couldn\’t feel the closeness and support of \”the connection between mother and child.\” The first thing I experienced was the psychological conflict. In the stage of identity mutation, on the one hand, I can\’t help but feel anxious, always worried about the baby\’s growth status; on the other hand, I often fall into a panic of losing myself and freedom: I have always been a slash youth, and then Can you still maintain those career achievements and highlights? What I realized next was a series of \”magic boxes\” that were opened after becoming a mother. I not only gave birth to a new life, but also \”created\” new identities such as grandma, grandpa, grandpa and grandma. The original \”small home\” suddenly became \”everyone\”, and my privacy space suddenly disappeared. The close contact with my mother again brought me unspeakable control and pressure… Fortunately, one of my slash careers is a fitness coach and yoga teacher. The exercise I continued throughout my pregnancy helped me relieve a lot of emotions. In addition, I had previous experience in professional pregnancy and childbirth yoga training and substitute teaching, and I also knew in advance the possible physical and mental changes of women after childbirth. So after the birth of my child, when I noticed that I was feeling depressed (due to the sudden drop in postpartum hormones, etc.), I took the initiative to learn parent-child related content, such as courses on mindful parenting, infant psychology, etc. My fate with psychology also quietly started at this stage. During this journey of “identity transformation,” I also experienced anxiety and mild postpartum depression. I think mothers have a deep understanding of all of these without going into too much detail. Therefore, I would like to share my experience in \”fighting monsters\”: Facing identity changes and psychological conflicts in special periods, paying more attention to and feeling your own heart, and learning and coping with a more positive perspective can give us Adjusting to a new identity and raising a new life brings many positive and profound changes. For example, because I have always maintained a keen awareness of my own physical, mental and parenting status. Whenever I encounter confusion, I will take the initiative to learn about neuroscience, attachment theory, child development psychology, etc., and educate myself while learning. Therefore, the relationship with my daughter in the early days and even now is veryVery harmonious. It was also the independent exploration and study of psychology at this stage that made me feel its huge power for the first time. Re-parenting myself on the road to motherhood The further self-exploration after becoming a mother occurred after my daughter entered kindergarten. That was the first time she left my side and moved towards a wider world. This \”separation\” made me think about the process from an independent individual, to the body gestating a new life, to the birth of this little life until it grows up and leaves. Women are also going through the process of \”shattering and rebuilding\” from having no self at all (the baby needs the mother\’s full attention at the beginning of life) to rediscovering the self (after the child becomes independent). Was this experience smooth or bumpy? Was it full of anxiety and helplessness, or could it be fully experienced and moderately adjusted? Fortunately, because I came into contact with psychology, I experienced more of the latter. For example, because I learned the importance of parent-child connection from psychology, I know that the initial self-confidence and security in a person\’s life come from the acceptance and love of his parents. I often accompany my daughter attentively to complete her own things and \”see\” her emotions. One day, I said to her: \”Mom is really happy to have such a wonderful daughter like you.\” She answered confidently: \”Congratulations, you have me.\” It\’s hard for me to describe in words how shocked I was by her self-confidence and self-confidence and stability at that time. Moreover, as she grew up with her, I also grew up at the same time. The events I encountered during my upbringing often triggered some of my trauma at that stage, pushing me to explore inwardly and cultivate myself. For example, when my daughter was bullied by a much older child in the gym, although I handled it well and promptly, my daughter did not suffer from it. But I myself have always been in a very uncomfortable mood, and the scene of my daughter being bullied always comes to mind. Because I studied psychology, I realized that witnessing her being bullied might have triggered a trauma in my life growing up. Therefore, I started my own personal experience accordingly, and in this process, I gradually healed the deeply buried trauma in the past. I deeply realized that raising children is never a simple responsibility, but the growth of mother and child together. In the interaction of the relationship, every emotional feeling will push me to be more keenly aware and heal myself. This experience that drives me to constantly change and improve makes me more and more impressed by the charm of psychology. Therefore, when I saw the counselor training program \”Chaoyang Plan\” being run by Yixinxiang, I signed up without hesitation and embarked on the path of systematically learning the professional training of psychological counselors. My daughter\’s love and support made me more determined to pursue my career as a psychological counselor in middle age. In the eyes of many people, it was not a wise thing to do. You are already facing conflicts between family and work, and allocation of time and energy; you also have to deal with the confusion of your family. Why do you need to start a new career when you already have a good and stable job? During this period, I also felt confused and confused. It was my daughter\’s \”childish words\” that made me go on determinedly. Regarding my status as a yoga instructor, she said: \”Mom, you are a instructor. I am very proud to be your daughter. I want to be like you for Zhou.\”Surrounding people brings healthy people. Regarding my identity as a psychological counselor, she said: \”Mom, I am very proud that you are a psychological counselor. I want to introduce you to my classmates and let them all come to you for consultation.\” \”My daughter\’s heart-warming \”childish words\” not only gave me unconditional affirmation, but also made me realize that the process of my learning and growing up has also naturally set an example of self-confidence, persistence, and psychological flexibility for my children. It has made my parenting journey easier and more rewarding. Becoming a mother is no longer a constraint on myself, but an opening to a career that has become more multi-dimensional and multi-layered. Looking back on the process of gradually deepening into the psychology industry over the past few years, it is really exciting. I have endless emotions. The fastest growing thing is joining the Chaoyang Project. The various support and cooperation on the platform have helped me a lot: there are a wealth of different professional and technical courses, senior teachers’ sharing and guidance, and supervision every time. Guidance and companionship, as well as peers who train together to practice skills together… After all, on the road to growth, walking with partners is very important. Walking alone is far less powerful than working with a group of people. Moreover, joining the Chaoyang Project is very important. For me, the biggest gain is not only to join the platform and become a professional consultant, but also to constantly hone my psychological flexibility and toughness, and to naturally show in front of my children that a mother is working hard for her own goals. , the process of continuous training. After becoming a counselor, the healthy growth of my daughter and the healing and transformation of the visitors made me more deeply aware of the positive significance of psychology. Unlike my other professions, counselors pay more attention to it. The exploration of human inner growth and life resources. At many times, the words of visitors will deeply touch me, making me feel the power and resilience of life, and also see the fragility and helplessness of life. I accompany him to enter the heart. In the moments of helplessness, hesitation, and pain, together with her, they gradually develop their inner life force and get rid of the trauma. Finally, I want to say: every woman faces, accepts and understands \”mother\” bit by bit. What does it mean? This role is not the end of life, but the beginning of another life. We can firmly believe that every step of life counts.