Such scientific and efficient parenting techniques are the most worry-free

\”Wow wow wow, if I don\’t eat this, I\’ll just eat steamed buns.\” Yesterday I met a particularly noisy child on the plane. \”Don\’t make any noise, I\’ll give you some bread.\” His father comforted him. \”I don\’t want it, I just want to eat steamed buns.\” The whole plane was so quiet, only this group of voices. All kinds of bargaining, kicking and fighting. I\’m just glad I\’m not the one who keeps kicking the back of the chair. \”If you don\’t make any noise, I\’ll show you the tablet.\” The child probably got what he wanted and stopped crying. Watch the tablet the entire flight. Looking at Ruirui, who is almost the same age as him and has always been quiet, I feel very relieved. Listening to their conversation, I felt that this parent placed too many conditions on his children. \”You…just…\” appeared many times. Whenever the child cried, he promised to give it to him. In this way, what the child learns is: As long as I cry, I can get what I want. Since crying is so useful, I will use crying to achieve my purpose next time. Many times, a firm \”no.\” It\’s more effective than talking nonsense. Children are lively and active, and have countless demands and behaviors every day. How can we teach good children who are worry-free? First, formulate rules and enforce them firmly. Must-read parenting books for parents recommend psychological adjustment in children’s families and download them. Take the tablet computer usage issues that every family faces as examples. How long do you watch your children every day? My family\’s agreement is 15 minutes a day. The child sets his own time and when the alarm goes off, he turns off the tablet. It is easy to make rules, but difficult to enforce them firmly. In the practice of using tablet computers at home, I found that: when they are with me, the children perform better, set the time and turn off independently. But if I am not around and the elderly at home supervise, he often cannot consciously carry out the instructions. The reason is that he found that he could negotiate terms. Once there are rules and conditions can be imposed, the rules will be invalidated. Children are always testing our boundaries. If they succeed the first time, they will continue to do so the second time. As long as the rules are formulated, they should be implemented as usual. If it doesn\’t work, it won\’t work. There is no need to impose any conditions. Otherwise you will spend endless time negotiating with your children. Many children later become masters of manipulating others because they have developed their skills at home. And this kind of control is different from the operating rules of the outside world. The child finds that the methods he is familiar with do not work, and often shows lack of confidence in external interactions. Second, practice fully without interruption. Children need a lot of time to practice and learn something on their own. Give him enough time to do things without being disturbed by adults. As parents, we all know that doing homework with our children is the most annoying thing. This is because we expect that under our careful supervision and guidance, our children can complete the tasks perfectly every time. Any mistakes made by the children will be pointed out immediately. We will deal with every minor problem he has in a timely manner. Imagine that you are at work and there is a leader who is always around you and giving you instructions at any time. What a terrible working environment it is. Sometimes when children make mistakes, it’s not because they don’t know how to do it, but because they have a certain skill that needs some time to develop. Allow to make mistakes, allow to grow. Practice enough, don’t worrydisturb. Third, allow for natural consequences. Some parents say that I am doing it for my child\’s benefit, and if I don\’t do anything for him, what will happen to him. For example, if he doesn\’t bring his homework, and you help him deliver it every time, he will think next time that it is his mother\’s task to bring his homework, not mine. But if he doesn\’t bring his homework, is criticized by the teacher once, and loses face in front of his peers, he will naturally learn to remember to bring his homework next time. Once your child discovers his mistakes, you can help him correct them. This disrupts his sense of the natural consequences of events. He learned that everything was his parents\’ problem, not mine. I just had to do it without thinking about any consequences, which was terrifying to think about. I have observed many good teachers and parents, and they have a sense of alienation. What does that mean? That is, when a child makes a mistake, he or she does not immediately rush to help the child make amends. Rather, it depends on what method the child uses to solve the problem, or what principles and experiences he can draw from it. The above three points do not mean that we should just give up. We should often review with our children to see their growth and progress and what problems we need help solving together. Parents can share their own experiences or provide resources to help their children solve problems on their own. Sometimes there are so many explanations, but it’s really not as much as learning by falling down on your own.