Take care of your children’s studies. If you always feel this way, be careful.

During the last winter vacation, it was only a few days since school started, and Cheng Zi’s homework hadn’t been finished yet. Obviously at the beginning of the vacation, I made a vacation plan with him, completed the homework as early as possible, and had time to memorize words and do extended reading. As a result, the reality is very skinny. This guy has been having fun throughout the winter vacation. It would be good if he could finish his homework before the start of school. When I thought about this, I felt a little anxious. I thought that if I could concentrate on finishing my homework for a few days, I would still have at least three or four days to read the books and memorize the words, which would be good. When I was anxious, my movements became somewhat deformed – I took Orange with me for two days of self-study. I read and he did his homework. I thought, if I keep an eye on him, he might be able to seize some time. As a result, this guy put his phone next to him while doing his homework, and glanced at the game from time to time. How can I be in a state of doing homework when I am so careless? I wanted to take his mobile phone away, but Chengzi refused to let me go and told him to leave it alone. My anger was suppressed again and again, so I simply sat far away and read a book, focusing on being out of sight and out of mind. Homework is his business, he is not in a hurry, why should I be in such a hurry? After the self-study, when I walked back, I was still a little angry, so I walked straight ahead, with Cheng Zi following slowly behind. I experienced the anger carefully – it was a complicated feeling, impatient, impatient, helpless, and full of depression and frustration. At that moment, I suddenly understood how those mothers who were anxious and angry about their children’s studies felt. I have met many mothers during consultations (because most of them are mothers, here we refer to parents). They have worked hard for their children’s studies. They have enrolled in various classes since their children were very young, watched online classes, and urged them to write homework, over and over again. I have corrected the topic all over the place, but the child is still not interested in learning, does not take the initiative, cannot be pushed, and is lazy if not watched. When mothers talk about this, their expressions are similar: tired, anxious, worried, helpless, with a hint of resentment and grievance. You clearly know what is right and how to do it, but the child just doesn\’t do it. He didn\’t seem to care about studying at all. You pulled the child over with all your strength, and even pressed him down in front of the desk, but when he was in Cao Ying, your heart had already wandered away. You have done everything you can, and the rest you can only watch from the sidelines. You are anxious but unable to do anything, and you are energetic but don’t know where to use it. This feeling is very frustrating and frustrating. Exhausted physically and mentally. At that moment, I felt more or less this feeling. I suddenly understood that this was the feeling of hitting a wall. This kind of frustration is a reminder to you: When it comes to learning, your method is wrong, and the harder you work, the more it will be in vain. This road is dead, so turn around quickly. When you always feel frustrated, anxious, and angry about your child\’s learning, it means that you are more concerned and anxious about this matter than your child. You are trying every possible means to pull, drag, or push him away. You become the main force, and the child is just cooperating with you. Your positions are reversed. When you care more about your child than you do, you can\’t help but urge him, supervise him, and interfere in various ways, and you are particularly concerned about the results. Before you know it, you\’ve crossed the line and made your child\’s business your own. If you cross the line, you will hit a wall. There are at least two results: First, the child\’s internal drive to learn becomes an external drive.. You have become the driving force for his learning, it would be strange if he is not tired. Many parents said that if I didn\’t keep an eye on him, he might have slipped away. Indeed, when I was in elementary school, I watched and urged me like this, and it still worked to some extent. When your children reach middle school, you will find that you can no longer keep an eye on them or control them. What you can do is enroll your children in classes and find teachers for tutoring, but there is nothing you can do about whether your children will listen or how much they can listen to. In the end, you couldn\’t push him. Second, when you cross the line, your children will use their power to confront you. When a person\’s sense of autonomy is suppressed, he will instinctively resist. Young children who are not strong enough often adopt passive resistance methods, such as dilly-dallying, being distracted, procrastinating on homework, having headaches and stomachaches, frequently drinking water to go to the toilet, etc. When children enter middle school and become stronger, they will resist more directly. Chengzi said \”Don\’t worry about it\” to express clearly that I have my own arrangements in this matter, so don\’t interfere with me. Some children resist in a more intense way: You ask me to study, but I just don’t want to study. What can you do to me? Or even worse: I want to learn too, but I just can’t. I’m depressed. I can’t even go to school. I can’t do anything about myself. What else do you want from me? When the children are young, parents can still control them and force them to learn, and they can learn more or less, at least to show off. That sense of frustration and powerlessness is not felt deeply by parents. Sometimes when parents feel it, they calm down and then cheer up and continue to play chicken. In adolescence, when children\’s resistance becomes stronger, parents will feel this sense of frustration, powerlessness, and discouragement more deeply and more frequently. This means that parents’ interference in learning has finally been defeated. The child is expressing his autonomy in this way. And learning has become a victim of this power struggle. Having said that, why do many mothers care more about their children than their children when it comes to studying? It is very likely that my mother has too much anxiety and an inexplicable fear about the future. She is worried that if she is not careful, she will slip to the bottom or have various bad consequences. This kind of anxiety is too strong, and if the mother herself cannot hold it, she will take action and transmit the stress to her child. I will keep an eye on my child\’s learning, sign him up for classes, and do everything possible to let him learn more and learn in advance. In this way, the child\’s grades will look good. When my grades are good, my mother\’s anxiety is relieved. In elementary school, under the control of parents, children may have good grades, but no one can afford to be so tight for many years. After a long time, the children become tired, unable to learn, no longer want to learn, their grades decline, and they no longer cooperate. At this time, the mother\’s anxiety, powerlessness, and collapse emerged, and she was often overwhelmed by frustration. At this time, stop using brute force. The harder you use, the more likely it will be counterproductive, and both sides will suffer in the end. It\’s best to stop, reflect on your own state, and listen to the clues these emotions give: Are you too anxious? Has it crossed a line? What we need to do is to adjust our mentality, deal with our anxiety, return autonomy to the child, give him space to grow, allow him to have his own rhythm, and allow him to take detours. Only on this road can we go further and furtherWidth. That day, when I was aware of my emotions, I realized that my movements were distorted by anxiety. When I got home, Chengzi and I had a good chat. It turned out that he thought that the vacation homework was just a review of old content and was of little significance, so he just did it more or less. He knew in his mind that it would be no problem to complete his homework before school started, so he was not too anxious. After talking like this, I know what he is thinking, and I have a better understanding of his heart – no matter whether this is right or wrong, at least this is what he is thinking now. The more you understand, the more knots in your heart will loosen. I also summarized the things I can do: First, allow him to try his own rhythm, even if it may take some detours. After all, learning is his own business. The second is to see if we can guide him to improve his cognition – this requires time and opportunity. Go one step further and see what can be done to give him a stronger sense of purpose – this requires more time and opportunity. These may seem difficult and may not be completely possible. But, maybe that’s something we can do within our own boundaries. Now that we\’ve hit the south wall, we have to adjust our direction and find a truly suitable path, right? Therefore, if your child is still young and you already have this feeling of being unable to exert your energy, it means that you are too concerned about your child\’s learning, resulting in deformed movements and overstepping boundaries. This feeling reminds you: make a U-turn in time and make adjustments. Otherwise, the older the child, the stronger this feeling will be. In the end, you may be forced to give up your efforts, give up your children, and accept failure helplessly.