\”The 6 most hurtful things parents say about their children\” exposed: How easy is it to raise a child to waste?

\”The Little Prince\” said: Words are the root of all misunderstandings. One sentence can make a person\’s mood hit rock bottom, and one sentence can also make a person regain his strength. Never underestimate the power of language, especially when talking to children. If language is used well, it can be a spring breeze that warms a child\’s heart; if it is not used well, it can also become a knife that hurts. There are no parents in the world who don\’t love their children, but using the wrong language to express their good intentions changes the flavor. It may be difficult for parents to realize how much impact your casual words can have on their children. The following 6 sentences will hurt your children the most. Please don’t say them again. 01 Vicious comments about appearance, such as \”so fat\”, \”so short\”, \”so thin\”, \”the hair is so ugly\”, \”the clothes are ugly\”, such words will be harsh to adults, let alone children. Can\’t stand it. Sometimes adults may just be joking, but the speaker does not mean it, but the listener does. As psychologist Susan Forward said: Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about them and turn it into their own ideas. The movie \”My ID is Gangnam Beauty\” tells such a story. Meilai was a chubby girl when she was a child. Because of her appearance, she was bullied in school all her life. She was ridiculed as a \”fat pig\”, and was rejected as \”embarrassing\” when she confessed to the boy she liked. Even though she lost weight, she was still just a slender \”ugly girl\”. Her biggest wish was to become ordinary and not be too ugly. Her appearance was wearing her down, so she decided to have plastic surgery. No one cares about their appearance. We need to tell our children that you have your own uniqueness and cuteness, and help them discover their own advantages, which is actually more important. In this way, children will not spend too much time worrying about their appearance, and will have more energy and time to spend on more important things. 02 Blindly emphasize \”I am for your own good\” and \”How hard I have worked for you\”! Many parents often say this to their children: I live frugally and run around. Is it easy for me? I work so hard to raise you. If it weren\’t for you, I would…complain and nag in front of my children about the hard work of raising them. Sometimes the original intention is to let the children study well and do well. But the child was still young and he couldn\’t think so much. The subtext of this kind of behind your back is actually: I might not have worked so hard, but you dragged me down, and this is all your responsibility. How can a child who has not yet matured mentally bear the responsibility that his parents place on him? Over time, children will become heavy-hearted and want to escape from their parents, or use some rebellious behaviors to resist. No matter how hard we work to raise our children, we should never kidnap them with a sense of sacrifice. 03 Unhealthy comparisons There is a very heart-breaking joke: Every child has a natural enemy since childhood, and that is \”other people\’s children.\” I believe that many children have lived or are living in such a shadow. In \”Youth Talk\”, a girl plucked up the courage to go up to the rooftop and shouted out her innermost thoughts to her classmates and her mother below: \”There is a man who can do all decathlons and is good at everything. He is \”Someone else\’s child,\” my mother always said., your grades are so bad, why would she be friends with you? \”Children are not only good from other people\’s families.\” \”Why can\’t you see my efforts?\” \”In her family, there is \”someone else\’s child.\” The top student in the class, the grade, the school, and the league is her best friend. Because of poor sports, her parents , and completely negated the past achievements and efforts of this girl with excellent academic performance. Even if the daughter finally shed tears and said that she was not suitable for education, the mother would still be unmoved. The child would not be recognized for a long time. Doubling down on self-esteem eventually leads to habitual self-denial. They don’t expect that young people can see clearly and understand better than anyone else. Zheng Yuanjie said: People who are stronger than children are often used to stimulate them. He, this kind of language is the most impactful and destructive, and it is the best way to destroy children. Stimulation will not inspire children to make progress. Do not judge or compare children, accept them as they are, and explore their shining points. The source and motivation for him to keep making progress. 04 Threat of abandonment \”If you don\’t obey me, I won\’t want you anymore.\” I found that this sentence appears quite frequently. We often see some mothers say this to their children. If you keep throwing things away, others will take your toys to play with.\” \”If you don\’t eat, dad will eat it.\” \”If you don\’t leave, I will leave.\” \”If you don\’t obey, I won\’t care about you.\” \”If you If you still do this, I will tell your dad.” I believe many mothers have said this to their children. None of us are perfect parents. When faced with our children’s unreasonable troubles, we always blurt out these words unintentionally. On the surface, we seem to have solved the problem for our children. \”The current question\”, but do you know how harmful these words are to the child\’s body and mind? A mother in the background told this story: She took her child on the bus during the day, and the child made some noise, and she said angrily: \” If you keep doing this, mom won’t want you anymore! \”She also pretended to get off the car. After hearing this, the child immediately sat upright and tugged on the corner of her mother\’s clothes to quiet down. At night, the child suddenly woke up from her sleep, crying and saying that she was afraid that her mother would not want her. At that moment Only then did she realize how much damage the jokes told during the day had caused to the child. Therefore, no matter what the situation, do not say \”I don\’t love you anymore\” or \”I don\’t want you anymore\” to your child. . 05 Verbal abuse: \”You are so useless and stupid\” There is a hot topic on Zhihu: What is it like to be scolded by your parents \”You are useless\”? The most upvoted answer is heartbreaking: When you were a child, your parents scolded you. When I was \”so useless\” and \”too stupid\”, my heart and body were twitching, and then my heart ached when I listened to it, and I became numb from the pain. Now I have truly become useless. People. Everyone has esteem needs and self-actualization needs, especially children. American psychologist Rosenthal Yu once conducted an experiment: 3 students were selected from each class in a school, and then Tell the principal: \”These 18 students have been scientifically determined to be intelligent talents. \”After half a year, the scores of these 18 students indeed exceeded those of the average person. Later, these 18 studentsAll students have achieved extraordinary results in different positions. This experiment tells us: By conveying the message \”You are excellent\” to children, it will greatly stimulate their self-confidence and guide them to the road to success. In fact, every child has his own unique shining point. Parents must be good at discovering it and provide timely encouragement and support so that they can shine the most dazzlingly. As for the things that children do not do well, we must not blindly attack them, but help them analyze and solve problems. Only in this way will they become more confident and better. 06 Breaking promises to children is never fulfilled. Meiling Chen, who sent her three sons to Stanford, mentioned one very important point when talking about her experience in raising children: Don’t lie to your children. She said: \”As parents, don\’t lie to your children. For example, if you promise him to go to the park to play football tomorrow, he will go no matter how tired he is. If a child doesn\’t trust people, he will be lonely throughout his life.\” He often coaxes his children, but he can\’t do it himself. If the child\’s expectations are disappointed, it will definitely feel uncomfortable. Moreover, when parents overextend their children\’s trust in themselves time and time again, and then try to make up for it, it is already too late. Some people say that after living in their 30s, it is strange that many of the things their parents said to them when they were young have been forgotten. But those words of blow, ridicule, and sarcasm have become increasingly difficult to let go as the years go by. Like a scar, it still hurts occasionally. Sometimes, the most hurtful thing is not the physical attack, but the verbal violence. Physical injuries will heal over time, but mental injuries are difficult to erase. Parents must not cause life-long harm to their children just because of their unbridled speech.