The 8 most harmful behaviors of parents to their children, the number one behavior is actually…

\”Look at other people\’s children!\” \”Look at other people\’s children!\” When I sent my daughter to piano lessons, I met a mother who yelled at her daughter. \”Everyone knows how to play, why can\’t you?\” The little girl lowered her head and whispered back: \”Then why don\’t you let him call you mom!\” The mother was so angry that she chopped off her feet, looking very angry. Steel look. Although the child looked calm on the surface, I thought she must be very sad. I knew my mother would be even more angry, but I still chose to \”fight back.\” She may be unconsciously imitating the way her mother treats her. All the words and deeds of parents are like a textbook without words. Every moment and every scene may subtly reshape the child\’s destiny. Every parent loves their children, but what they show is not necessarily love. In life, these behaviors of parents may hurt their children. TOP8 Husbands and wives undermine each other. The author \”Snooze\’s Afternoon Tea\” told such a story: a couple often sarcastic about each other in front of their children, and lived in a \”mutual harm\” mode. My father disliked the fact that my mother went to \”Pheasant University\”. My mother mocked my father, although he was a top student, but his \”salary\” was not worth the word \”a top student\”. One day, the child said to his mother who was about to check his homework: \”Mom, dad said you are \’mentally retarded\’, so don\’t check it. I\’m afraid you will make a mistake.\” Parents are the closest people to their children and they are their whole being. world. If parents often quarrel red-faced, slander each other, undermine each other, or even fight, it will not only arouse the child\’s fear, destroy the child\’s sense of security, and even make the child disrespect their parents. What\’s more serious, it will also affect the child\’s future views on mate selection. When communicating as a couple, please start by talking well. Not slandering your partner in front of your children is a form of parenting. TOP7 Nagging is like a knife. Someone on Zhihu asked this question: When do you resent your parents the most? The most upvoted one is: when parents nag. Maybe you will say: Nagging is out of love for children. But be sure to keep in mind that excessive nagging may push your child in the opposite direction. Nagging is a negative emotion on the part of parents and is actually a form of physical and mental control over their children. In order to escape pressure, children will develop resistance and activate \”selective deafness\” to reject or resist their parents\’ nagging. Parenting expert Teacher Yin Jianli said: \”Nagging is a small knife.\” Instead of nagging, parents should adopt the strategy of \”talk less, listen more, and act more\”, let go appropriately, and let their children try and explore on their own. TOP6: Blurred awareness of parent-child boundaries There is such a case in \”Super Parenting\”. A boy in junior high school is addicted to his mobile phone every day. When he comes home, he wears headphones to watch videos and play games. He always ignores people, which makes his parents very worried. Later, the childcare provider discovered that there was a keyhole-sized hole in the child\’s bedroom door, through which the parents used to observe the child\’s movements from time to time. Parenting teachers say that it is this behavior of parents that makes children feel that their privacy has been violated. His anger towards his parents had nowhere to vent, so he internalized it into action. Being rebellious, not loving learning, and being addicted to the Internet world are all a form of protest against parents\’ \”crossing the line.\” No matter how young a child is, he is an independent individual.Mothers should respect their children\’s sense of boundaries, not control their children, and not be an dominating parent. Only when parents have a clear sense of boundaries can children know where their own boundaries are when they grow up, protect their own boundaries, and respect the boundaries of others. TOP5 Hedong Lion\’s Roar A friend said to me: \”The child is really my own. One second after he roared, he threw himself into my arms and said, \”Mom, I love you.\” After hearing this, I didn\’t Instead of being happy for my friend, I was a little worried about the child who was often yelled at. Maybe you will say: \”I can\’t do it!\” \”I can\’t control myself!\” \”There is no way, only by getting angry will the child be obedient!\” But have you ever thought that children who have been yelled at are actually scarred? , but we can’t see it. He will do whatever it takes to please you, he will forgive you without any conditions, and he will never care about your bad attitude towards him. That\’s because he loves you this way. A child\’s love is truly unconditional. And what about us? Are there any conditions attached? There is a perfect child living deep in everyone\’s heart, and yelling at the child is actually a kind of non-acceptance of ourselves. Thinking about this, you may feel relieved. Psychologists have found that when dealing with the same thing, different tones will have different effects. Instead of \”roaring\”, parents may wish to try \”whispering education\”. Respect your children as independent individuals, learn to communicate with them in an equal manner, and lower your tone of voice calmly, instead of looking down at your children and \”yelling\” at them arrogantly. TOP4 Unprincipled compromises. Many parents are too talkative. For example, they agree with their children in advance that they can only buy one toy at a time when they go to the mall, and they can only watch TV for half an hour at a time. However, it is often impossible to resist the persistence of children. Whenever a child cries or makes a fuss, parents give in, buy toys one after another, and extend the time they watch TV again and again. Parents\’ compromise will only make children think that rules are not important and make them mistakenly believe that all rules can be trampled at will. Parents must learn to say \”no\” to their children\’s unreasonable requests. When rejecting their children, do not rush to argue with them. You can wait until the children calm down before reasoning. It is worth noting that you must speak to your children with respect and equality, so that your children will accept your opinions. TOP3 Make children obedient. Psychologist Wu Zhihong said at the \”Qi Pa Conference\” that obedience is a scam passed down from generation to generation. One of the easiest traits for obedient children to develop is a \”pleasant personality.\” A child with a pleaser personality is a person with a very low sense of self-identity. They will suppress their own preferences and try to cater to others, even if they don\’t like the person at all. Let your children be children, allow them to be willful, allow them to say \”no\”, and give them the right to choose. Parents should stop and listen carefully to their children\’s hearts instead of blindly asking their children to \”obey.\” TOP2 Talking without keeping the words China Youth Research Center once found in a national survey that among the 12 behaviors that primary and secondary school students are most dissatisfied with their parents, \”talking without keeping the words\” accounts for 43.6%, ranking first. LifeIn China, parents sometimes promise their children to watch a movie, give them a toy, and play in the amusement park. Maybe you just think this is a strategy to coax your child, but you don\’t know that your child has already lost his mind. Every time we break trust with our children, we destroy the parent-child relationship with our children. Do your best to do what you promise your child. If you encounter special circumstances, please explain the reason to your child and say sorry to your child. TOP1 Never leave your mobile phone behind. Some people say that the number one killer of children is not beatings or divorce, but mobile phones. Parents\’ behavior of playing with mobile phones not only threatens their children\’s personal safety, but also damages the parent-child relationship. An American elementary school teacher assigned her second grade students a composition titled: What is your least favorite invention and why don\’t you like it? Four of the children wrote: They wish cell phones had never been invented because their parents were too dependent on cell phones. A few days ago, a 10-year-old primary school student in Sichuan also wrote in an essay: Cell phones are family killers! \”Parents would rather chat with people they don\’t know online than put down their mobile phones to chat face to face. It\’s really \’father\’s love is like a mountain\’, and it is as unshakable as a mountain in front of the computer.\” Yes, what children want is actually very simple, as long as we A wholehearted companionship. Don’t let mobile phones become an insurmountable gap in the parent-child relationship. Parents are the guides for their children, but sometimes, children can also point the way for their parents. We have been adults for so long that we have forgotten what it was like to be children. While the child is still young, before it\’s too late, stop, slow down, and listen carefully to what the child has to say. Give love to your children and learn love from your children. My child, my parents are also parents for the first time. Please take good care of me for the rest of my life. In this marathon of life, we support each other and move forward.