The amazing iron law of family relationships: a child’s happiness depends on the mother

The results of education are often the result of parents\’ hard work. What you sow will bear fruit. I wonder if you have heard of a very practical law in psychology: the kicking cat effect. What this law roughly says is that the boss reprimanded an employee in the workplace because he was in a bad mood. When the employee went home, he saw his child jumping on the sofa and felt inexplicably irritated, so he reprimanded the child. The child felt aggrieved. At this time, the cat at home ran out, and he kicked the cat to vent his emotions. The cat was frightened and ran away. The child chased the cat and happened to encounter a car passing by. In order to avoid the cat, the driver accidentally hit the child on the side of the road. This is a series of chain reactions triggered by a person\’s emotional fluctuations and way of venting. This kind of situation is also very common in family relationships: the father\’s long-term absence has caused an imbalance in the family\’s contributions, which has caused the mother to bear too much pressure and accumulated a series of bad emotions in her heart. When bad emotions accumulate to a certain level, you need an outlet to dump them. The final recipients of this \”emotional garbage\” are often the weakest beings in the family: children. Under such a family structure, children suffer too much psychological trauma all year round, and the rope in the spiritual world will break at a touch. There is an old saying that goes well: A father\’s love makes the mother peaceful, the mother\’s tranquility brings peace to the son, and the son\’s peace brings harmony to the family, and harmony in the family makes everything prosperous. If the father is lazy, the mother will suffer; if the mother is miserable, the son will be afraid; if the son is afraid, the family will decline, and the family will decline and be ruined for three generations. The greatest vision of a family is that the parents do not overuse their emotions, the children do not consume energy, and they work together to create a bright future. The accompanying father is a key factor in the stability of family relationships. Psychologist Fromm proposed a point of view: the family environment has a very important impact on the formation of a child\’s personality. In other words, in the important years for each child\’s personality development, the sense of security provided by the family is a key factor in promoting the child\’s perfect personality. The atmosphere of a family, the way family members get along with each other, and the attitude toward relatives all subtly affect a child\’s outlook and cognition at all times. I heard a friend tell her personal experience before: Ever since she was in junior high school, her parents seemed to have been quarreling with each other, arguing over big things and getting into trouble over small things. In her early years, her father was busy making money and worked hard outside every day. Her mother worked hard and took on the chores at home, taking care of the elderly and raising her children with care. At first, my mother understood this division of labor and my father\’s absence in the family. Later, the conditions at home got better and better, and my father was no longer so busy with his business. Unexpectedly, he came home less often than before. Every day he would either go out with a group of friends to drink and sing, or he would be unable to call them back from the mahjong table. The mother had to do housework and take care of the family by herself. Especially during the days when the elderly were sick and hospitalized, she had to run between the hospital and home every day. As time went on, she felt physically and mentally exhausted, and the resentment in her heart became more and more. The mother wanted to have a good communication with the father, hoping that the other party would think from his perspective, but the father either remained silent or chose to avoid going home. Over time, the mental burden made it increasingly difficult for her mother to control her emotions.She and her brother would complain endlessly and get angry over the smallest things. Growing up in such a family atmosphere, she often felt fearful and uneasy. She was cautious no matter what she did, and she always lacked a sense of security and belonging to the family. My younger brother became very rebellious and began to fail in his studies. He often skipped classes and went to Internet cafes to play games. He also proposed the idea of ​​dropping out of school many times. The famous psychotherapist Hellinger once said: \”In a family, the first priority is the relationship between husband and wife, followed by the relationship between parent and child.\” In many families, when the relationship between husband and wife collapses step by step, the parent-child relationship will also be on the verge of collapse. The long-term absence of the father makes the contributions in the family no longer equal. Over time, it is easy to overwhelm the mother\’s body and mind. Family disharmony and living in a repressive environment for a long time can easily cause psychological trauma to children, which will affect their lives. Director Ang Lee once lamented when he won the Oscar for Best Director: Home is not a studio. When you get home, you still have to do housework. Because he knows very well that career is not everything in life, and running a good family is also an indispensable part of life. After work, he stays at home, cooking for his family, washing dishes, and cleaning the house. He also goes to the vegetable market with his wife and pays attention to his son\’s growth. Because of this thoughtfulness and mutual devotion, he and his wife have been married for 40 years and are still in love and never leave each other. Their son grew up in such a warm, harmonious and loving family, and naturally grew up very well. Talking about his family, Ang Lee said frankly: Just because I am a father and a husband does not mean that I will naturally gain their respect. You have to earn their respect every day, and you have to meet a certain standard, because this is one of the reasons that keeps me from slacking off. Every child\’s growth is inseparable from the influence of his or her family of origin. The absence of father\’s love, mother\’s pain, and family discord are often the triggers for children\’s mental health problems. In the process of a family getting along day and night, the parents\’ attitude towards life and conduct are the most direct mirrors of the child, guiding him to a different path in life. If family relationships are not harmonious, children will also learn indifferent and violent ways of treating others, and they will go further and further off the road to the future. If the relationship between parents is stable and the family is happy, the children\’s hearts will be filled with sunshine, and they will be more positive about their studies and life. As the old saying goes: No matter how successful a person is in his career, it cannot make up for the failure in educating his children! Same reason. No matter how much money a person makes, it cannot fill the sorrow when a family falls apart. A far-sighted family works together as a family, with father and mother working together to envision a bright future for their children. Psychologist Chen Mo told a case in his speech: After dinner, the child was doing homework in the room, the mother was clearing the dishes in the kitchen, and the father was sitting in the living room leisurely looking at his mobile phone. After the mother came out from working for a long time, she found that her child was writing homework slowly. So he reprimanded the child: \”You have to take responsibility for yourself. Don\’t look at your phone when doing homework. Do it quickly…\” When I turned around and saw my husband still scrolling through his phone, he instantly became angry and started shouting: \”You don\’t want to All I do is look at my phone all day long, how about setting a good example for my son?\” she posted.After venting his emotions, the dissatisfaction in his heart still couldn\’t be calmed down, so he rushed to his son\’s room and scolded him: \”Why do you do so little for so long? What are you doing? I got this result in the last exam. How can I be embarrassed next time? I am in the third grade of junior high school.\” !\” After talking about it, he still couldn\’t get rid of his anger and continued to run to the living room and yelled at her husband: \”My child is in the third grade of junior high school. You should take care of it at least. I am busy with work. This home belongs to me alone. If the child wants me to take care of him, you must take care of the child.\” Throughout the night, the family seemed to be trapped in a cycle of negative energy. The anger was getting stronger and stronger. Amid the quarrels, the child could not calm down and it was difficult to complete his homework. . In the process, the whole family has fallen into deep complaints and endless pain, and the child\’s energy will be consumed bit by bit. At the end of the speech, teacher Chen Mo concluded: What is the relationship between children and mothers? The umbilical cord is cut, the subconscious mind is completely connected, and the mother\’s emotions are directly transmitted to the child. Indeed, the father\’s neglect of the family aggravates the mother\’s anxiety. The mother\’s mentality is unbalanced and her emotions are out of control, which ultimately affects the child. During the growth process, the child is always missing a part of his spiritual energy. Zheng Yuanjie, the king of fairy tales, also said: \”The meaning of mother is influence.\” In a family, if you want to cultivate outstanding children, the first step is for the father to shape the child\’s cognition and pattern in his companionship. The second is the influence of mothers on the development of children\’s character in daily life. The family of \”Ship King\” Zhao Xicheng was once called a \”model family\” by many people. Almost all of his six daughters graduated from prestigious Ivy League schools, and the fourth daughter also received a doctorate in law from Columbia University. The youngest daughter Anji Zhao was once hailed as the new generation of \”Chinese female shipping king.\” Someone once asked Zhao Xicheng: How do you raise your children so well? He replied with a smile: \”This shows that I have loved my wife all my life, and I have loved her right.\” In his early years, although Zhao Xicheng was busy with his career, he never forgot his wife Zhu Mulan\’s contribution to the family. When he achieved success in his career, he immediately took his wife and daughter to his side, hoping that the family could stay together. In those years, their lives were not rich, but Zhu Mulan never complained, was very emotionally stable, and managed her life in an orderly manner. In addition to taking care of her family, she also attaches great importance to her children\’s education, knows how to praise them, respect their ideas and choices, and at the same time, she does not forget to enrich her own spiritual world. When her daughter encounters setbacks at school, she will patiently enlighten her and help her resolve her frustrations. When her daughter grows up and wants to go out and explore, she will also understand her and give her the best support. No matter what situation she was in in life, she never dropped her head, nor did she give up herself for the sake of her family. In her spare time, she also takes time to study English and practice painting and calligraphy. After her youngest daughter entered elementary school, she persisted in her studies even though she was middle-aged. She entered St. John\’s University in New York and obtained a degree. When they were making money, the couple would take their daughters out to see the world and learn more. During the years when their family was in decline, the family would visit some free attractions. Zhu Mulan often encourages her daughter: \”Compete with others, but also with yourself, fight for equality, fight for independence, never give up, never give in.\” With her father\’s companyUnder the company and guidance of their mother, and under the influence and education of their mother, all six daughters have achieved extremely high achievements in their respective fields. \”Positive Discipline\” writes: The most extreme education is to neither punish nor pamper children, but to teach them values, social skills, and life skills in a kind and firm atmosphere. What kind of nourishment a child receives in his spiritual world during his growth path will determine what kind of character he will develop and what kind of future he will have. If the father is the backbone of the family, then the mother is the soul of the family and the most important source of energy in a child\’s life. No matter how rich the conditions are for a child, it is not as good as giving the child a good environment for growth. When a family is together, there are fewer complaints and more encouragement. Parents work together to lead the way for their children, which will eventually illuminate their future lives. Mr. Cai Yuanpei said: Family is the first school in life. The so-called character that remains unchanged throughout life is probably embryonic in the family. Parents with great wisdom never scold their children blindly, but know how to cultivate themselves first, create a good family atmosphere for their children, and fully provide the \”nutritional conditions\” necessary for their children\’s growth. In daily family interactions, parents must first learn to use the same standards to hold themselves to what standards they require of their children. When criticizing your children, don\’t forget to check whether your own words and deeds are correct. When supervising your children, don’t forget to supervise yourself to correct mistakes bit by bit. On the road of education, only by finding the root cause of the problem and eliminating all unfavorable factors is the best way to solve the problem. In order to raise an empathetic, lively and cheerful child, parents must know how to control their emotions, understand and tolerate each other, and create a comfortable and comfortable family atmosphere for their children. When family relationships are harmonious and parents get along harmoniously, children will naturally gain a lot of energy from it. If they want to teach a positive, brave and confident child, parents should lead by example, work together to shoulder their responsibilities, and be good leaders for their children. Once your goals in life are clear and your plans are complete, the road ahead will only become smoother and smoother. The best love for children is when fathers and mothers work together to become role models for their children and stop internal strife in the family. The best family education is for parents to start from these three things to achieve their children\’s future: 1. Responsibility is standard, companionship is high, and empathy is top: at every stage of a child\’s growth, both parents must Be the first person responsible for education and don’t pass all responsibilities to your partner. Don’t be absent when you should accompany, and don’t ignore when you should lead the way. Respect the child\’s existence as an independent individual, pay more attention to the child\’s emotional changes, and find the root cause of the problem in time. 2. Don’t be overly anxious, don’t over-sacrifice, and don’t make random accusations: Excessive sacrifice by anyone in a family can easily trigger a series of emotional breakdowns. Parents\’ excessive anxiety will only make their children overwhelmed. During the education process, stabilizing one\’s emotions, reducing blame on family members, and learning correct communication methods are key factors in promoting family harmony. 3. Teach by words and deeds, teach your children as well as yourself, and manage a good life: Family is the most important environment for education, and parents are their children’s lifelong teachers. As parents, if you correct yourself and manage your life well, your children’s future will also be the sameSee more beautiful scenery. Always remember: the results of education are often the result of parents\’ hard work. What you sow will bear fruit.