The best love to give your children is to go with the flow

At family gatherings, my mother and relatives complained that I was too pampered and couldn’t help but list the evidence of my crime: “She gave her children everything to play with, bottles, pots and pans, making everything messy. , it’s easy to say, what if it breaks and hurts the child.” “The child wanted to play with the cup on the dining table, but she not only didn’t stop him, but also helped the child climb onto the table. There were things everywhere on the table, so Is this a place for children to play?\” \”The child squeezed fruit and crushed all the oranges and tomatoes in the house, and she didn\’t care!\” \”She hugged the child if she wanted to. You said that the child can walk when he is more than one year old. Why are you still holding her in your arms? She should be trained more to walk on her own.” “A child like this just chooses her own clothes to wear. If she doesn’t want to wear the clothes that have been prepared for her, her mother will just follow her and ask Whatever she wants to wear, change it for her immediately!\” \”Do you think anyone is so spoiled with children? Is there a place where children can go? Can she be given everything to play with? Children have There are so many toys to play with, except for playing with the fruits and pears at home. How come this child is so full of ideas and has such a bad temper at such a young age? Is it okay when he grows up? There are no rules at all!\” Relatives! After hearing this, they laughed all the time and followed my mother\’s advice and advised me: \”You can\’t spoil your child like this. She won\’t be able to control her if she obeys her in everything. The child will have nothing to do outside.\” What they called Habits are nothing more than \”respecting and complying with the laws of children\’s growth and development\” in my eyes. I went to IKEA a few days ago and saw a mother chasing and beating her child. The little girl looked to be just over two years old and was forced into a corner with nowhere to hide. There were many onlookers gathered nearby. While she was spanking the child, she muttered: \”I told you not to run around blindly. If you have to run away, let\’s see if you can remember this time!\” The little girl cried so hard that my heart was broken. , wanted to step forward to dissuade her, but was afraid that my dissuasion would only make her beaten worse, so she had to leave sadly. For a child who is a little over two years old, if you let her know that she cannot move anything at will in a huge shopping mall, and follow her parents in a disciplined manner and not run around, it is really against the child\’s nature and growth pattern. It\’s not that she doesn\’t want to do it, it\’s that she simply can\’t do it. If I really see such a child, I won\’t feel cute, I will feel terrible. We will not force a ten-year-old child to fall in love, nor force an 80-year-old man to dance ballet. Why should we force a two-year-old child to understand the rules? I let my child jump up and down and don’t restrict her adventures at home. I don’t coddle her, but respect her age. I hug her when she needs a hug and let her wear the clothes she chooses. I don’t coddle her, but respect her. personality and self-development. The best toys for children are real daily necessities. For children, the most interesting games are intentional imitations of adults. Children are naturally able to distinguish between authenticity and fake ones. There is a world of difference in a child\’s eyes between a plastic toy plate and a real disk. Plastic toy plates are of course less fragile and safer, but precisely because they are less fragile and safer, they cannot allow children to experience real life. This world is not originally a hundredIt is 100% safe. Therefore, the first thing parents must learn is to be willing to be frightened and tortured, and to allow their children to live in a certain limit of danger. I think it\’s worth exchanging the red potion on my knees and the bruises on my face for a full understanding of the world and an unobstructed view of the world. I often see my child staggering forward and climbing up the stairs alone. My heart is pounding and my heart is raging, but I try to keep a relaxed smile on my face and try my best to stay in place. Because I don’t want to use my excessive protection to abolish the child’s curiosity and blindly show the child a hypocritical world. A friend of mine, her child always woke up at night asking for his mother. She felt that if the child continued to stay awake for a long time, it would delay the child\’s growth, so she cruelly locked him in a house alone to sleep, no matter how heartbroken he was at night. I don’t care if I cry or fuss. After a period of time, it really worked. The child no longer cried for his mother and was able to sleep peacefully on his own. She showed off to me: \”You have to be ruthless when educating children. Adults and children suffer for a while, but in exchange for long-term good sleep.\” I don\’t know if this mother has ever thought about the so-called no longer crying. Could there be a permanent loss of security hidden behind it? Could there be a loss of trust behind this so-called strong independence? Behind the apparent educational success lies a more profound and irreversible failure. Isn’t it normal for a one-year-old child to wake up at night and look for his mother? Isn\’t it an extremely happy thing for each other? Isn\’t the love and trust in your mother more important than a full night\’s sleep? I never think that a child is a blank slate when he is born and can be shaped by others without any reason. Even the parents who gave him life do not have this right. As Gibran said: \”Your children/are not your children/but the children that life desires for itself.\” They are independent from the moment they are born. Even if we do not take a fatalistic view and believe that every life has its own talent and destination, then at least they have their own personality and characteristics due to differences in genes and growth environment from the moment they begin to form life. Perspectives and intentions about the world. The biggest problem we encounter in our long life is not that we know too little and cannot get help from others, but that we are too confused and cannot find our true self. What we need to do for our children is not to let them continue our lives and realize our dreams to make up for our lifelong regrets, nor to force them to become the good people we think they are, but to adapt to their development, respect their preferences, and understand them habits that allow them to become the people they are meant to be. The best love you can give your children is to go with the flow. I never think that I am pampering my children, but if I have to provide evidence, I have nothing to say. Modern educational concepts and methods are diverse, and even the so-called \”scientific parenting\” has different views and is contradictory to each other. I have studied developmental psychology and child psychology, but I still believe that human beings are too complex and we know very little about human childhood. EducationChildren should not rely solely on fragmented scientific concepts generated from unsound experimental methods and flawed statistical data, but should rely more on a mother\’s understanding, love and goodwill towards the world. As Shi Tiesheng said: \”The mother of a lucky person must be a lucky mother, a wise mother, and a genius mother. She has been inspired since she became a mother. Her method of educating you does not come from pedagogy, but from pedagogy. It comes from her heartfelt love for all living things and even all things in heaven and earth, her heartfelt trembling and prayer, and her heartfelt calmness and passion.\” So I somewhat think that even how to be a mother cannot be fully learned. She sometimes relies on Talent. Don\’t force your children to wear clothes that you think look good and appropriate, because it is very likely that your values ​​​​are wrong and your aesthetic sense is defeated. To take a step back, even if the clothes you choose are indeed better than those chosen by the child, I am willing to respect the child\’s choice. At least he wears the clothes he likes, and his life in this world is not in vain.