The best way to deal with procrastination, TED experts help you catch the stinky monkey in your child’s brain

Recently, many mothers and fathers have been asking me how to help their children learn time management. Their children always procrastinate in doing things, and parents are worried that they will not be able to gain a foothold in the future society. In fact, let alone children, adults are also suffering from procrastination. They make a lot of plans at the beginning of every new year, but they forget about them within a month. When they look back at their children, they find that they are doing their homework. Procrastination, and often running off to play after finishing work. As expected, parents and children are of the same mind, and it is definitely an ancestral procrastination. Planned abortion caused by procrastination is always accompanied by heartbreaking self-blame and determination to do it again, but it may still be the same again. The tears of regret have not yet dried, and we have ushered in a new wave of procrastination. However, this process is not common to us ordinary people, and many celebrities also suffer from procrastination. I would like to share two short stories here, hoping that they will help you gain a little confidence after reading them. What a coincidence, you also have procrastination? Hu Shi Mr. Hu Shi is not only one of the initiators of the New Culture Movement, but also a famous thinker, writer, and philosopher. This multi-titled guru also suffered from procrastination when he was 20 years old. Hu Shi had this record in his study abroad diary: I opened this diary on July 4th to urge myself to work harder next semester. First, read Shakespeare\’s \”Henry VIII\” at hand. Playing cards on July 13th. Playing cards on July 14th. Playing cards on July 15th. July 16 Hu Shizhi, Hu Shizhi! How could you be so depraved! Have you forgotten the study plan you made earlier? Confucius said: \”I examine myself three times every day.\” We can\’t go on like this! Playing cards on July 17th. Hu Shi\’s \”Playing Cards Diary\” is very famous. It should be noted that the above paragraphs are deleted from the original text of the diary. In fact, Mr. Hu Shi still maintains his study habits every day, but he did not achieve his own goals, and there was no \” \”Procrastination\”, he called this in his diary the disease of \”impossibility\” and believed that this was a \”common problem today\” and that he was not the only one suffering from it. For this reason, he also came up with three solutions: No. First, don’t read other books until you finish one book; second, make a curriculum, similar to the goal list we often make; third, always reflect on yourself. Parents may wish to use it for reference. Director Wong Kar-wai is well-known in the industry for his speed in filming. \”The Grandmaster\” lasted from 2009 to 2013, but the preparations actually started in 2001. In the meantime, several Ip Man movies shot by other directors were released. He also In \”Sharpening the Knife\”, Song Hye Kyo was trapped in China for a long time because of the filming of the film. She missed her hometown very much. In order to prevent her from escaping, Wong Kar-wai asked someone to keep her passport safe. There are rumors that the investors lost all patience and directly issued a deadline. Director Wang hurriedly completed the post-production and released it quickly. As a result, the ending subtitles of the first version of \”The Grandmaster\” were very rough, as if they were copied and pasted from a document. Same as posted. In fact, there are many celebrities who suffer from procrastination. For example, Hugo, in order to concentrate on writing \”The Hunchback of Notre Dame,\” asked the servants to take away all the clothes in the house, and he stayed at home naked and concentrated on writing. Darwin\’s\”The Origin of Species\” also took 20 years to write. Due to limited space, I won\’t go into more details here. The important thing is that if the masters are like this, it is understandable that children procrastinate. After all, we really can’t blame the children for procrastination. It is really our instincts. Procrastinator, you stinky monkey! One of the TED Talks talked about the causes of procrastination. The speaker used two pictures to represent the different \”brain structures\” of people without procrastination and those with procrastination. You can see the \”brain\” of a person without procrastination and the \”brain\” of a person with procrastination. In both brains, there is a stick figure controlling the rudder. This is the rational decision-maker in our brain. We can rely on He makes plans, sets goals, and makes decisions, but every time we are ready to take action, the \”stinky monkey\” of procrastination comes out to cause trouble. \”After finishing my homework, I want to preview tomorrow\’s new text.\” \”No, you don\’t want to.\” In this way, procrastination destroys our plans and goals again and again, but we have absolutely nothing to do with it, because it is This part of our instinct makes us unable to see the past and future, and only wants to obtain the satisfaction and pleasure of the moment. Especially when facing a difficult and complex task, carpe diem can also help us avoid the anxiety of facing the task. feel. Of course, there are other reasons for procrastination, such as fear of failure and refusal to try, pursuit of perfection, and constant preparation but unwillingness to start. But the most common situation is often our instinct to enjoy ourselves in the moment. When you find that your children are hesitant to start writing homework, it is often this \”stinky monkey\” that is causing trouble. It keeps telling the children: It is better to watch cartoons for a while before doing homework, or to eat something first. Snacks and tidying up the room. Can we really defeat the procrastinator? After people reach middle age, they are more and more able to understand the meaning of time flying by, but the children who are playing have no idea that every minute and second now is a gift of life. Parents can\’t help but worry about whether there is any way to help their children. How can we solve procrastination? Before answering this question, we must first clarify these few things. Don’t waste your willpower. If what you want your child to achieve is to consciously practice piano for 1 hour every day, review homework for 1 hour, exercise for 1 hour, draw for 1 hour, and read extracurricular books for 1 hour, then I can only wish you the best. Success and walking slowly will not be given away. Of course, such children do exist. Most of them rely on the supervision of their parents to urge them to complete tasks. Only a very small number of children can live an extremely self-disciplined life without relying on other people\’s encouragement. However, these children are not within the scope of our discussion today. Inside. What we are discussing today are actually ordinary children. They will be lazy and occasionally have outbursts of perseverance, but whether they are children who are very self-disciplined, everyone\’s willpower is limited. So we often encounter this situation: we set a very rich and detailed plan with great joy, and then in the first three days or a week, we show a positive state like \”beating chicken blood\”, which quickly consumes all our willpower, and then we All that\’s left is the exhaustion, boredom and stress of the planforce. Therefore, if you want your children to avoid procrastination and have a plan in their daily life, it is best to start from a small point. It can be reading a book for 15 minutes every day, or doing homework as soon as they get home. The specific goal is determined by the child. Negotiate with your parents and don\’t be obsessed with complicated time arrangements. Interests and deadlines are the primary productive forces. Some parents may say that willpower can be cultivated. Indeed, people are more likely to explode willpower in stressful situations or stressful environments, which is why reading in the library is easier than reading at home. Children are used to getting along with their parents, and sometimes they are unwilling to listen to their parents. At this time, those relatively unfamiliar and serious relatives and teachers with a sense of authority and distance can make the children feel a little pressure. Pressure can drive away the procrastination monster in us. , let reason regain control of the brain. The most extreme manifestation is the deadline. The all-night review before the final exam and the tearful homework preparation before the start of school are all times when children\’s willpower explodes. Therefore, putting some appropriate pressure on children can help them break away from their instinct to pursue pleasure and reduce procrastination. But stress reactions and stressful environments are not happy things after all, and will make children exhausted after a long time. Only when children really like to do it, they will be very positive and energetic, and they will not be happy at all. People need to be urged, so interest is the primary productive force. Unfortunately, everyone always has to do something more or less that they are not interested in. At this time, we need to use pressure to urge ourselves not to procrastinate. There are so many tips for alleviating procrastination, but it seems that there are only theories but no methods. Well, here are some practical suggestions for parents’ reference. Changing the environment Changing the environment means isolating factors in the environment that are conducive to procrastination. The specific methods vary from person to person. For example, limit the time and period for children to play with mobile phones and tablets, do not lie down when not sleeping, and do not wear pajamas when at home on holidays. An environment that is too comfortable will make people\’s will even weaker. Doing things you like forms a virtuous cycle. Once we are forced to do things we hate, we begin to deplete our willpower. In the end, we don’t even have enough motivation to do the things we like. In order to form a virtuous cycle, parents should not force their children to do things that they can do but do not want to do. Instead, they should actively develop their interests and hobbies, let them gradually learn to persist and work hard in their hobbies, and This persistence carries over into other aspects of life. The exemplary role of parents. If parents themselves are severe procrastinators, don’t blame their children for procrastinating. After all, this kind of procrastination is passed down from father to son and has a long history. In order to solve their children\’s procrastination, parents should not lie down and watch TV as soon as they get home, nor should they use their mobile phones all day long to blame their children for not reading or studying.