The best way to educate children is to speak well

I saw a video on Douyin: the boy quarreled with his parents when his parents did not let him play games. The boy laughed at himself for being an orphan, and his angry curses made him suffer from depression. Under the police\’s persuasion and education, he cried in frustration: \”I don\’t have parents like this. They don\’t understand me and no one communicates with me.\” Parents who don\’t understand communication will only make the parent-child relationship reach a deadlock. In real life, in most families, parents are not good at considering the situation of their children, and are used to communicating with their children in a rigid and preachy way. The famous education expert Li Zixun once said: To educate children, the most important thing is to put your words into their hearts, so that they will be convinced. Good communication means that children are willing to speak, listen and act. The children have nothing to say because they are forced by their parents. I saw a question on Zhihu about \”What causes children to no longer want to communicate with their parents?\” There is a reply with a lot of likes: Hi Fly Guy, a super fly boy English picture book story, all 15 volumes pdf + mp3 + mp4 + click to read + Chinese translation \”When I was a child, I didn\’t have pocket money, so I saved a few cents from breakfast every day, and it lasted for a long time. , buy a beautiful book that you like, and then share it with my mother: Do you think my new book looks good? My mother’s first sentence: Where did you get the money??? My mother’s second sentence: You have a lot of money Don’t you have any place to spend money???” “When I was a child, I went shopping with my mother to buy clothes. More than 95% of the time I spent shopping with my mother for her clothes, watching her try them on, and waiting for her to bargain. When I bought my clothes, My mother never helps me buy clothes that I think look good. My mother will say: This does not look good. She will say: This color is easy to get dirty. She will say: Your child has no sense of aesthetics.\” The child\’s enthusiasm in every conversation, They were all extinguished by the strong and accusatory tone of the parents: \”You didn\’t? What\’s wrong with you? No!\” Failure to capture the emotional needs behind children\’s language has become the biggest obstacle to parent-child communication. In the recently popular variety show \”Open Heart\”, 11-year-old Wang Yuran is addicted to electronic products and does not want to communicate with his mother. The mother tried every means, even beating and scolding him, but her son still refused to change. In desperation, the mother had to go to the program team for help. The mother has a bad temper and seldom cares about her son\’s thoughts. Every time her son wants to say something to her, she will say to him: \”Stop talking, just listen to me.\” The son\’s thoughts are not heard by the mother. In response, the son later preferred to watch electronic products alone rather than say another word to his mother. Xiong Hao said in \”I Am a Speaker\”: \”Many conflicts that could have been handled properly ended up breaking out because of some extremely trivial reasons. The most common one is that we love to talk, but we don\’t want to listen. \”Behind every child who is unwilling to communicate, there is a parent who does not know how to listen. Only by knowing how to listen and giving your children a chance to speak can you understand the true needs that your children want to express. A good conversation is a bridge that opens each other\’s hearts. Only parents who can \”get close\” can be their children\’s sweethearts. The \”Parent Effectiveness Training Manual\” tells an example: In a summer camp, the coach guided the children to do \”Seven Levels of Emotional Management\”, and many children won the \”Heart\”How to deal with happy things? ” The children’s response was: “Share it with your best friend!” \”Only when parent-child communication is based on a good emotional foundation, will the child open up to you and confide in you just like a friend. There is a mother and son around me. After my son entered junior high school, he rarely chatted with his mother. If he couldn\’t say a few words, he would rush to you. Mom shouted: \”You don\’t understand, I\’m very busy and I won\’t talk to you anymore. \”The mother didn\’t know what her son was thinking because he didn\’t say anything. Later, the mother discovered that her son was obsessed with computers and had a lot of computer magazines in his schoolbag, so the mother deliberately asked her son some computer questions. As soon as he saw that his mother was here to ask for advice, the child immediately became interested and felt that his mother was very advanced, so he happily chatted with his mother. The mother used the common topic of \”computer\” to create opportunities for chatting, and also used the attitude of \”asking for advice\” Gain the favor of your children, and become good friends who have a lot of fun talking about computers and life. Parents should take the initiative to communicate with their children and let them think that you are willing to be friends with them. Only when children become friends with their parents will they be able to speak freely and express their feelings. In an issue of \”Youth Talk\”, Song Nancy, a girl in the first grade of junior high school, and her father are brothers and have a very close relationship. Her father often competes with her to play with Lego, and gossips with her about her mother\’s outfits. The two of them talk endlessly. It\’s a joy. In the eyes of her mother, she and her father are the two children in the family, and there is no need to have a second child. Nancy Song also confessed to her father on the stage: \”Dad, I hope our relationship can continue to be harmonious like this. We Can you always be a good buddy? \”When most parents are worried about the \”sensitive parent-child relationship\” in adolescence, Nancy Song\’s father has easily become the child\’s best friend. The father actively shows favor to and approaches his daughter by \”playing Lego and gossiping\”. Draw closer to each other through speculative topics and humorous chat methods, and become friends who talk about everything. Only by grasping the child\’s interest points and having common topics can stimulate the child\’s desire to say what they want to say. Integrate into the child\’s life and accompany them. Only when children do interesting things can children trust their parents and feel safe to speak their minds. Learning to communicate with children is a compulsory course for parents throughout their lives. Recently, I watched a variety show \”Super Brain Youth League\”, in which contestant Zhu Keru\’s father This sentence resonated with many parents. Zhu Keru’s father complained that his child was unwilling to communicate with him: “We usually only chat for five minutes when picking him up from school. \”During the rare time alone between father and son, the two couldn\’t really talk about their inner feelings. After watching this scene, I felt deeply that the problem between Zhu Keru and his father is also a pain point in modern parent-child communication. Why do children and their parents communicate so much? Communication between children is getting less and less. Is it really because children are unwilling to take the initiative to communicate? Perhaps as Chen Ming said: \”One is because children don\’t have much time to communicate. Another reason is that children feel that they lack common topics with their parents, feel that they cannot understand what they say, and that everything they say is in vain. \”How to improve communication with children and promote close parent-child relationships, you might as well try the following methods: 1. Pay attention to the golden time in the evening and take the initiative to chat with your children. Parents pay attention to the half hour before going to bed every day and take the initiative to chat with their children about interesting things. things.\”Child, did anything interesting happen in your school today?\” \”Mom learned a famous snack on the Internet, which is very delicious.\” Cultivate the habit of chatting between children and parents before going to bed, thereby deepening the children\’s feelings for their parents. Promote communication between parents and children. A warm room, close physical contact, and relaxed topics can help children feel their parents\’ care and love. 2. Pay attention to the child\’s emotions and listen to the child\’s \”thoughts.\” When a child comes home unhappy and tells his parents: \”My deskmate won\’t play with me today.\” At this time, you must pay attention to the child\’s emotions, actively listen to the child\’s heart, and sympathize with the child\’s feelings. For a child, his best friend doesn\’t play with him, he lost in the game today, or even just came home late. Although to the parents, these may be trivial things, but to the child, they may be Big deal. Pay attention to the \”little things\” in the child\’s heart, listen to the child\’s inner thoughts, take the initiative to be on the same page with the child, and become an intimate person that the child is willing to talk to. How to stimulate students\’ learning interest and motivation. Download the full video 3. Use a questioning tone instead of a commanding tone, and replace a condescending attitude with appreciation for the child. In the evening, the mother supervised the child\’s homework. There was a test the next day. The mother opened the door and found that he was drawing. The mother gently asked: \”Baby, the final exam is tomorrow, what are the plans for tonight?\” This sentence triggers the child to think instead of making demands. When it comes to children\’s studies, demanding high-profile and reasoning with them will make them more and more depressed. To put it another way, it is more important to be a mother who tells her children everything and allows her children to speak freely without any scruples. 4. Express your feelings to your children and learn to show weakness to your children. On the weekend, my mother wanted to urge her son to go to bed and saw him playing with Lego. Mom said: Baby, Mom is very tired today. She will go to bed after playing for 10 minutes. \”If the child refuses, the mother expresses it again: Mom is not feeling well today and needs a good rest. You should also go to bed early, otherwise Mom\’s eyes will hurt tomorrow and you can\’t get up early to do your homework. After the child understands the mother\’s thoughts, You will definitely understand your mother, and you will happily go to bed at the appointed time. In many cases, you can better gain your child\’s understanding by expressing your true feelings to your child. There are no children who don\’t talk, only parents who can\’t communicate. Change your inherent thinking Methods and abandoning the usual way of speaking are the beginning of good communication. German philosopher Jaspers said: \”Real education is one tree shaking another tree, one cloud pushing another cloud, and one cloud pushing another cloud.\” Soul to awaken another soul. \”Passive communication methods will only make children want to talk less and less. If you want children to truly express their needs, you must give them a \”loving\” language environment so that the emotions of children and parents can be closely connected. A good way of communication not only opens the child\’s heart, but also opens up the best starting point in the child\’s life. From then on, he will be optimistic and positive, and live towards the sun.