The best way to get along with adolescent children: chatting with them is the key to opening the door to the heart

I wrote about the various conflicts I had with my children in September. I confiscated my cell phone a few days ago, and we had a few quarrels. It seemed like it was damaging our relationship, but it actually removed the culprit that was hindering our relationship. Not only has my relationship with my children not been damaged, it has become closer. My children will chat with me when they are fine. Today we talked for two hours and debated among ourselves. During the debate, I got to know the child better, and the child also got to know his mother better. Don’t be afraid of damaging relationships, we can easily repair them through small talk. 02In the busy modern life, we often ignore the seemingly simple but meaningful thing of chatting with our children. Chatting with children is like sowing seeds in the garden of parent-child relationship, which can harvest many unexpected blessings. 1. Enhance the relationship between parents and children. Chatting is a relaxed and natural way of communication. It does not have serious preaching or orders, and can make children feel that their parents truly care about their lives, thoughts and feelings. When we chat with our children, they will gradually let down their guard and share with us interesting things that happened to them in school, such as a classmate having a little embarrassment today, or the teacher telling a particularly interesting piece of knowledge in class. These seemingly trivial sharings can shorten the distance between parents and children and make the family atmosphere more warm and harmonious. Through small talk, children can deeply experience their parents\’ companionship and love, thereby enhancing their sense of belonging to the family and closeness to their parents. 2. Improve children’s expressive ability. When children are chatting with their parents, they need to organize language to express their opinions, describe what happened, etc. This is a great opportunity to practice your expression skills. For example, the children shared with me who was good at Chinese and who had made great progress this semester. The classmate who was originally in the middle of the class ranked first in the physics class this time. Why did her grades slip this semester? She was at odds with her parents every day, couldn\’t sleep at night, and fell asleep in class. If we respond positively and encourage children to continue talking during small talk, children will express themselves more confidently, their vocabulary will continue to increase, and their expression will gradually become more logical. This improvement in expression ability not only helps children learn in school, but is also of great significance to their future interpersonal communication and workplace development. 3. Stimulate children’s thinking skills. Chat topics are often broad and diverse. They can be about children’s goals, dreams, frustrations and confusions encountered by children, or fantasies about the future. In these small conversations, children\’s thinking will be greatly stimulated. You can also get to know yourself better by chatting with your children. We started from Olympic athletes, and finally talked about Tsinghua and Peking University. Later, we didn’t know how to talk about the process of studying hard, which is the process of changing the circle of friends and increasing the network resources. 4. Help children establish correct values. Chatting is also a good opportunity to subtly convey values ​​to children. When we talk about some good people, good things or some bad phenomena in society, we can guide children to think and let them understand what is right and what is wrong. Yesterday we talked about how to protect yourself online. Whether online or in reality, we choose to be upward, positive, kind, and positive. Although sometimes you will suffer losses, but in the end it will be positiveStrength will definitely defeat evil, and the upright body is not afraid of slanting shadows. 5. In-depth understanding of the child\’s inner world The child\’s inner world is like a mysterious garden, and small talk is the key to opening the garden door. Sometimes, children may be reserved when facing formal inquiries, but in a casual chat atmosphere, they are more willing to reveal their true thoughts, confusions and worries. For example, my daughter told the new Taofa teacher this semester that they could not understand the lectures. Biology in the second grade of junior high school was not interesting, physics was more difficult to draw, and mathematics was much more difficult than in the first grade of junior high school. Some children may talk in casual conversations about being bullied by classmates at school, or about feeling anxious about a certain subject. In this way, we can detect children\’s problems in time, give them correct guidance and support, and help them grow up healthily. Chatting with children is a fun and rewarding way of parent-child interaction. It does not require a specific time or place, it just requires us to put down the busyness in our hands and listen to the children\’s voices with our hearts. Whether you are traveling or at home this holiday, let us start from now on by chatting more with your children and starting a parent-child journey full of love and growth.