The best way to give your child a sense of security

In my 25 years of psychological counseling career, I have found that some people with superior material conditions or high academic qualifications clearly have a lot of external security guarantees, but still lack a sense of security internally. They dare not be true to themselves, and live in constant panic, not knowing what the meaning of life is, and feeling that everything they have now may be lost in an instant. They are eager to trust, but they do not trust others; they are afraid of getting hurt, but they always hurt others; they are afraid of losing, but they often miss out on what they cherish… So I often say that cultivating children\’s inner sense of security is the best thing to give them in life. Gift. We often see a phenomenon: faced with the same setbacks, some people will be unable to recover, but some people can stand up quickly, and even turn the crisis into an opportunity to achieve themselves. Whether it is destruction or achievement, the key lies in whether the person has enough psychological flexibility. Psychological flexibility can protect people\’s inner sense of security from being destroyed when they experience major events, and better complete psychological reconstruction. Psychological resilience comes from secure attachment relationships. A child with a secure attachment relationship will be happy to interact closely with her when her mother is around. Although she will be a little worried when her mother goes away, she will soon be able to play by herself and wait for her mother to come back with peace of mind. When such children grow up, they have a strong ability to establish relationships with others. He will feel that no matter whether you are far or near from me, it will not affect our relationship, nor will it affect my evaluation of myself. He is also more able to face the uncertainties of life with confidence. In insecure attachment relationships, there are three main parent-child interaction patterns: anxious-controlling, avoidant, and disorganized. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! In the early upbringing of 0 to 3 years old, if the mother pays excessive attention to the child, making him feel that he must be safe with his mother at all times; when the mother leaves, he does not deal with separation anxiety well, and may raise Out of Anxiety – Controlling Children. This type of child is particularly clingy: when his mother is around, he is afraid of losing her and must be held by her; when his mother goes away, he will cry uncontrollably and be unable to soothe his emotions. If emotional expression and needs are often ignored by the mother, the child will feel that he is dispensable and slowly develop an avoidance defense mode. An avoidant child will avoid and retreat when his mother approaches; he will remain indifferent when his mother leaves. Such children are afraid of establishing close relationships with others and will appear lukewarm even when they enter marriage. He has a kind of learned helplessness and feels like he can\’t get close to anyone. A chaotic child will turn away and run away as soon as his mother approaches; and he will secretly hide behind her when her mother leaves to see if she will look back. When a chaotic child enters a marriage, his partner will be particularly tired: as soon as you approach, he will run away; as soon as you turn around, he will chase after you. So, you don\’t know what he wants. The parents of chaotic children are often also chaotic. In their early upbringing, they sometimes get close to and sometimes avoid the children, leaving the children at a loss, and finally acquire this interaction pattern. How to rebuild a secure attachment relationship? a very heavyA good way to do this is to have physical contact with your child, such as hugging and touching. In addition, parents who maintain emotional stability, spend quality time with their children, and play games together as a family on a regular basis can all reshape a safe parent-child interaction model. Sometimes parents are very tired when they get home and no longer have the energy to play games or read with their children. At this time, there is no need to force it. It is also important to take good care of yourself. You can say to your child: \”Can you help mom/dad rub your back?\” Helping mom and dad rub their back becomes an interesting little game, and the child will be very happy. In order to give their children a sense of security, many mothers dare not separate from them, and will feel anxious even if they are only on a business trip for a week or two. I always tell these mothers that your anxious and painful emotions and strong inner conflicts will affect your children\’s sense of security more than separation. When my daughter was young, I also traveled on business. I would draw a map for her, put dots on the city I wanted to go to, connect the dots with each other, and write the dates of my departure and return next to it. Then, I held her little hand and moved it along the map. My daughter felt as if she had taken a flight with her mother. She also knew that although she could not go on a business trip with her mother, she was with me every day. Put a checkmark on the map and your mother will come back after you check it. By enhancing the sense of control, it relieves separation anxiety between children and their mothers, and maintains the emotional connection between mother and daughter. I really like a sentence in \”The Book of Songs\”: There are bandits and gentlemen, who are like discussing with each other, like studying and polishing. The same is true for parents, who must constantly discuss, ponder, and adjust themselves according to the characteristics and needs of their children. As long as we observe and listen to the child attentively, the child will tell you in his own way how to rebuild a secure attachment relationship with him.