The best way to love a child is for mom and dad to sleep together

Some time ago, my father came to stay at our house for half a month. Mr. Li, who originally slept in the children\’s room, had to move back to the big bed in the master bedroom with pillows in his arms, and let his father sleep in the children\’s room. Unexpectedly, such a small change made my son very happy. Every night before going to bed became his happiest time. One moment he would climb on his father\’s body, ride on his belly and sit on the rocker, and the next moment he would run between the two of us and put his arms around our necks. I have to play in bed for a long time before going to bed every night, and then I hold my parents\’ hands and fall asleep contentedly. After having our son, our relationship in bed changed several times. During the confinement period, my mother-in-law and I slept together on the big bed in the master bedroom so that she could take care of the baby and me at night. The baby slept in the crib next to the big bed, and Mr. Li slept in the children\’s room. After confinement, I asked Mr. Li to take care of the baby with me. My mother-in-law returned to the children\’s room. Mr. Li and I slept together on the big bed in the master bedroom, and the baby slept in the crib. Later, when the baby turned three and the crib was too small, he returned to sleep with us in the big bed. The three of us slept on a bed that was only 1.8 meters tall, but it felt cramped and cramped. Both of us were afraid of squeezing the child\’s little hands and feet, so we slept on the side, and neither of us had a good night\’s rest. So, Mr. Li moved into the children\’s room that had been vacated after his mother-in-law left, and the baby and I slept on the big bed. In this way, we, who once swore we would never sleep in separate beds, separated into separate rooms, and it has been nearly two years since we shared the same bed. This time when my father came to stay for a short stay, we thought about the problem that the big bed would be too crowded for our family of three. Mr. Li suddenly had an idea and suggested that we could sleep sideways, which would give us more space. So, our family of three slept together happily again. Of course, often after the baby falls asleep between us, I will secretly carry him close to the head of the bed and cover him with a small quilt. After sleeping on the same bed again, Mr. Li and I seemed to be back to the sweetness of our passionate love. After having a baby, where did your baby\’s father sleep? Many mothers will say, of course they sleep with the mother and baby, is this still a problem? But as far as I know, in many families, after having a baby, the father disappears from the original bed and either runs to the sofa or to another bedroom. A friend actually slept in a big bed with her mother-in-law and took care of her children for three years. Three years. There is also a mother of two children. The mother sleeps with the second child in one bedroom, and the father sleeps with the eldest child in another bedroom. I really want to ask, what should a couple do if they want to have some intimacy? Can they make an appointment? Not long ago, a colleague, Sister Hong, got divorced. Her husband had an affair and settled in a small family outside. During a drunken chat, Sister Hong cried and said that she really regretted driving her husband out of the bedroom. After Sister Hong had a daughter, she disliked her husband snoring on the big bed in the master bedroom and hindering her from taking care of her daughter, so she drove her husband to the small bedroom. Since then, Sister Hong has become a single mother in marriage, while Sister Hong’s husband has become a single aristocrat in marriage. After get off work, the normal routine at Sister Hong’s house is that one is exhausted from taking care of the children, while the other is relaxing and playing games on her phone. After the child went to bed, her husband brought up normal physiological needs. Sister Hong felt resentful because her husband did not help with the child, and often found various reasons to refuse. As time went by, the twoPeople have really become strangers in marriage, with no communication of thoughts or body. Sister Hong was waiting for her husband to realize himself, but what she didn\’t expect was her husband\’s cheating and divorce. Sleep may seem like a small thing, but it is actually a top priority for a family. The Bible says this in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7:5: Husband and wife must not wrong each other, except by mutual consent, temporarily separated from each other in order to concentrate on prayer, and then continue to have sex, lest Satan take advantage of your inability to seduce you. His body is far away from your common bed, and his heart will be far away from your common home. Psychologically speaking, in a healthy family, the relationship between husband and wife is greater than the relationship between parent and child. In many Chinese families, the parent-child relationship takes precedence over the relationship between husband and wife. After many mothers have children, only their children are left in the world. The main body of the family is the mother and the children, while the father becomes an outsider. The father was not only pushed out of the big bed in the bedroom by the mother and the children, but was even pushed out of the core of the family. Over time, fathers have drifted away from the core of the family composed of mothers and children, their sense of responsibility has gradually faded, and they have truly become hands-off shopkeepers. Many times, it\’s not that the father is unwilling to participate in childcare, but that the mother is too capable and takes over all the work that the father should be responsible for. In turn, she thinks the father is irresponsible and doesn\’t care about the children. In a family where the father sleeps on the sofa or in the children\’s room for a long time, the father lacks his due status at home and cannot perform his functions as a father. Such a family structure is chaotic, and such a relationship between husband and wife is the most dangerous. Many people ask, where is the father in Chinese parenting? If you want to solve this problem, you should first ask: After having a baby, where does the father go in the bed? Dr. Cui Yutao, a parenting expert, explained the reason for the question \”Where is daddy?\” in parenting: a family of three slept on the wrong bed. In fact, it is really not that difficult to solve the sleeping problem after having a baby. Let the \”husband and wife relationship\” return to the highest position in the family. In Chinese-style family relationships, it is common for the parent-child relationship to take precedence over the relationship between husband and wife. This misaligned family structure can easily make children too self-centered and have poor sense of rules. The husband and wife have no other common language except talking about the children, and often because of the children. Arguing over certain matters may put the whole family on the verge of collapse and disintegration. To change this situation, we must first rebuild the family structure so that the \”husband and wife relationship\” is again higher than the \”parent-child relationship\”. Both husband and wife should pay attention to each other\’s needs, care about each other\’s feelings, and regard each other as the most important person in each other\’s lives. people. In \”Where Are We Going, Dad 5\”, Du Jiang and Huo Siyan set a good example for us. They both love their sons, huh, and they also love each other very much. When they won the game, Du Jiang and Huo Siyan did not hug their son first, but hugged and kissed each other heartlessly. In fact, the best family environment for children to grow up is when dad loves mom and mom loves dad. Create conditions for dad to return to the big bed. The bedrooms of some families are too small to fit a bed that is too big. It would be really crowded for a family of three sleeping together, which would affect the quality of sleep. Don’t forget, there are always more solutions than difficulties. If there are no conditions, we can create conditions for dad to return to the big bed.When my friend Xiaojing was pregnant with her second child, she also considered how a family of four could sleep in the same bedroom. She and her husband jointly made a bold decision to sell the large bed in the master bedroom and renovate the master bedroom to make a super large tatami. After their second child was born, their family of four slept on the tatami together affectionately without having to worry about the baby falling to the ground. After I visited Xiaojing\’s house, I was envious of her extra-large tatami. I immediately called my brother, who was renovating the house, and asked him to make a tatami bedroom so that the three of us could sleep together when we have a baby. The children should sleep in separate rooms in a timely manner. Regarding room allocation, Katie Hurley, an American family child development expert, believes that there is no optimal standard or the so-called most appropriate time. When to divide rooms depends on the child\’s psychological development. On the other hand, according to Freud\’s \”Oedipus complex\”, children are in the sexual bud stage between the ages of 4 and 6. During this period, children will be repelled by same-sex parents and attracted to opposite-sex parents. This age is the best time for children to sleep in separate rooms with their parents. Children during this period begin to have a sense of independence and subconsciously want to have an independent space. Therefore, many foreign children successfully sleep in separate rooms with their parents when they are 4-6 years old. In Chinese families, many children still sleep in the same room with their parents when they are seven or eight years old, which is not conducive to the independence of the children and the development of intimate relationships between husband and wife. When children reach the age where they should sleep in separate rooms, they must sleep in separate rooms in time, so that each family member can return to his or her rightful place. Sanmao said that being able to eat, sleep and count money together is a marriage and a family. Don\’t underestimate sleeping. In a normal family, it\’s definitely not a \”Where are we going, Dad?\” thing, but mom and dad sleeping together. To give your child the best love, you must first give him a warm and harmonious family relationship. The best way to love a child is for mom and dad to sleep together. When there are problems in your marital relationship, first ask yourself: Is your relationship in bed okay? Only when you sleep right can you be happy.