The best way to ruin a child is to give him material rewards

My neighbor, Sister Li, is a manager in a large company and is a strong woman. Last month she bought a set of Barbie dolls worth more than 2,000 yuan for her daughter Lily. Because Lily improved by more than twenty places in the final exam, this was their agreement before the exam. Many parents are like Sister Li. In order to motivate their children to study, they will say to their children, \”As long as you do well in the exam this time, I will reward you…\” which immediately arouses the children\’s enterprising spirit. On the surface, material rewards do work. After all, children improve their grades. But if you keep using material rewards as bait, it will be very detrimental to your child’s life! Children will become utilitarian. Pippi didn\’t like to eat when he was a child. For a while, his grandparents came to live. In order to coax him, they would say, \”Pippi, eat quickly. I will buy you toys after eating.\” Then Pippi ate obediently. Slowly, there were more and more toys in the house, but Pippi became more and more exaggerated, saying that she would not eat unless she bought toys. A person\’s desire is a bottomless pit, whether it is a child or an adult. After you taste the sweetness for the first time, you will want to have it a second time, a third time… If your parents just agree blindly, things will gradually go bad. If you tell your children, \”If you do well in the exam, you will get a reward,\” then the child will study for the reward, but forget that the purpose of studying is to develop skills. She might even be like Pippi, who becomes a guest, negotiates conditions with her parents, and becomes \”if you get a reward, do well in the exam.\” Once parents do not agree, children may blame their parents for not keeping their promises. It was originally given to the child by the parents on their own initiative, but it seemed as if they owed it to him. Looking back at rewards, it is like a pit dug by parents, making themselves and their children fall deeper and deeper. Gibran said, \”We have gone so far that we have forgotten why we set out.\” The effort itself is for ourselves, to become better, and has nothing to do with others. If you work hard for material rewards for a long time, you will become utilitarian and fall into the abyss of desire. The formation of distorted values. Hunan Satellite TV has a variety show called \”Metamorphosis\”. Each episode invites two teenagers to be guests. One is a troubled teenager from a well-off family in the city, and the other is a child from a poor family in the countryside. The two swap roles for a week. , experience life. In one issue, a kid from the city named Zhang Di was very rebellious and told his parents that he would only go to school if they gave him money! In order to let him go, his parents said that he would be charged on a daily basis. But Zhang Di was still not satisfied and even asked his parents to pay in advance. When he was refused, he even yelled at his parents as \”damn things.\” How sad it would be for his parents to hear such words! The condition of agreeing to the son\’s agreement was that he wanted him to go to school, but the son only focused on his own money. After working so hard, he finally raised a white-eyed wolf! Of course, this is an extreme example. But long-term material rewards will make children feel that \”everything can be measured in money.\” This idea is terrible. First of all, it will make children emotionally indifferent, especially children from wealthy families, such as Zhang Di, not to mention the rich second generation who treat people as playthings. Children from ordinary families may lose their bright future. For example, when looking for a job, they are deceived by the temptation of high wages, or miss good opportunities from large companies; they focus on bonus performance without improving their own value; they lack a long-term perspective when looking at things. distorted valueViewing it will cause immeasurable damage to the child\’s personality and future. The most important thing is the spiritual reward. There is a saying in \”Zhuan Xi Lu\” that says, \”He who plants a tree must cultivate its roots, and whoever plants virtue must cultivate his heart.\” In fact, in the process of children\’s education, spiritual rewards are the most important. important. So what exactly are spiritual rewards? To put it bluntly, it means affirming, respecting and appreciating the child\’s growth, etc. There are many ways to express it, including praising him, hugging him, or even nodding and smiling. Psychologists have found that children value spiritual rewards more. An ice cream is far less powerful than a hug. There is an answer on Zhihu. The respondent said that once after taking an exam, she went home from school with her neighbor and friend, and met her mother outside. The friend ran into her mother\’s arms and said, \”Mom, I got 92 points in the exam!\” My friend’s mother smiled, held her friend’s little face and said, “It’s true! My baby is great!” The respondent is still very sad when he thinks of this incident: “I got 100 points in the exam that time, but I didn’t get This is a reward that I envy to this day.\” However, many parents ignore the role of spiritual rewards. First, they feel that they are not realistic enough, and second, they are relatively introverted and not good at expressing. The third type is that you cannot see the goodness of your child at all. Because they have lived together for a long time, parents tend to take their children\’s good qualities for granted. In addition, compared with other people\’s children, parents gradually only see their children\’s shortcomings. Well, the first thing to do is to really get to know your child. You can first take out a piece of paper and try to write down your child\’s personality and hobbies, strengths and weaknesses, grades, friends, etc. to see how well you understand him. After checking for leaks and filling them up, observe, communicate, and pay attention to every detail of the child, starting with small things. Slowly, you will view him more objectively and impartially, be able to express your feelings more naturally, and appreciate him from the bottom of your heart. This is the spiritual reward. In addition, letting children do what they like is also a spiritual reward. For example, if your child does well in this exam, especially physics, then you can give him a copy of Liu Cixin\’s \”The Three-Body Problem\”, and he will definitely like it. For example, if your child likes to draw, you can take him out for a walk, see the scenery, and cultivate his aesthetic appreciation. All in all, raising children requires not only meeting the material conditions, but also paying attention to the children\’s hearts. Blindly providing material rewards is a shortcut to laziness and a failure of parents to make children lose themselves in a world of materialistic desires. The most important thing is the spiritual enrichment of children.