The best way to solve the problem of children\’s indolence, laziness, and glassy heart is not to push them at all! Try these 2 tips of mine, the results will be immediate

My daughter is 11 years old and in fifth grade. Ever since I started school, I have been driven crazy by her harassment. Objectively speaking, when it comes to studying and writing homework, there are only a few children who do not procrastinate. But the extent of my daughter\’s indolence can really drive someone to death. When I get home at night, there are a lot of things waiting to be done. In terms of study, you need to memorize texts, do math problems, write homework, and preview and review. In life, she has to eat, take a shower, and watch an episode of cartoons. If you want to go to bed before 10 o\’clock and ensure your sleep time, you must make good use of your night time, because sometimes you are too busy. But as for my daughter, she has to ask and scream for everything. If I don’t urge her, she won’t move. Almost every night, I spend my energy on her, urging her to do her homework and wash up quickly, with a series of reminders. When I go to school in the morning, I have to shout several times just to get up, and eating is even more painful. She had to eat the noodles one by one. I was so angry that I lost my temper in the morning and yelled at her. The days repeat themselves like this day by day, which makes me extremely tired. But my daughter seemed to be immune and showed no improvement. I\’ve tried it too, just letting her do whatever she wants. But my daughter can really linger until midnight and still can\’t get into bed. Now, it seems that we have entered an unsolvable cycle: if we let it go, my daughter will do things slowly, putting off things as long as possible. The caretakers urged her to have serious rebellious moods. She disliked my nagging, had a bad temper, and the parent-child relationship was affected. Seeing that the study tasks are getting heavier day by day, and my daughter still has no initiative in learning and doing things, I am really angry and worried. There is still a long way to study in the future, how can I survive it? 02One day, I accidentally saw an educational video that talked about the deep-seated psychological reasons for children’s severe grinding. It was only after reading it that I realized for the first time that the child\’s procrastination was not as simple as it seemed. Educational psychology research shows that there are two common psychological factors behind children\’s procrastination in learning to do things. First, there is resistance to parental control. In life, if parents control their children too strictly, the children will instinctively resist. But he knew that he was not capable enough and did not dare to fight openly, so he had no choice but to express his dissatisfaction by dilly-dallying. As adults, when faced with children who do not do well or do things slowly, parents can easily become impatient and use a condescending attitude to instruct their children on what they should and should not do with negative emotions. In the parent-child relationship, the child is in a weak and passive position. When he does something he doesn\’t want to do, he will instinctively hesitate. In addition, this kind of education method of parents can easily make children dependent. The child will think that my parents will rush me anyway when the time comes, so I don’t have to take the initiative to think about it. Anyway, my parents will tell me what to do, so I just wait for them to tell me. If things go on like this, there will be even less enthusiasm for action. Secondly, children seek independence. As children grow up, they will gradually get rid of their dependence on their parents and become independent individuals. With the emergence of independent consciousness and the enhancement of autonomy, children will compete with their parents for dominance. If parents do not allow their children to make the decision, the children will passively resist by procrastinating and dilly-dallying. After understanding this essential reason, I realized why my daughter took this stepCome to where we are today. From childhood to adulthood, my daughter has grown up under my control. I\’m used to taking care of everything for her and thinking of everything for her. All she has to do is be obedient. My daughter lost her initiative and sense of time to some extent when I reminded and urged her. She thinks that even if I forget and am slow, my mother will remind me. When I was young, my children had few things to do and their learning tasks were not difficult. My arrangement could make everything go smoothly. But after entering the senior grade, the number of affairs increased, which required her daughter\’s efficient actions to deal with it. At this time, her procrastination dragged her and I into a vicious cycle. In the end, a situation was formed where \”the more urgent I am, the slower she becomes; the more urgent I am, the more she delays\”. After all, dawdling in doing things is a bad habit. If parents do not intervene in time, the consequences will become more and more serious. I realized that something had to be done. Once you understand the underlying causes of the problem and lead your children out of the dilatory predicament, the method is also very simple. 031. Reduce the control, arrangement and arranging of children, and guide the children to think more, arrange more, and review the control, arrangement and arranging more. This is a common parenting method for parents. As soon as an order is given, I hope that the children will follow the instructions, study hard, and do their homework carefully. But control has never been an effective way of education. As children grow older, it will also have negative effects. When a child does not obey and do as he is told, parents will constantly urge and nag them, such as: Get up quickly, why are you so lazy! Hurry up and eat. What are you thinking about? You eat slowly. Can you be more diligent in studying? Why haven\’t you packed it up yet? How could I raise such a lazy child like you! These nagging, with negative comments from parents, sound to the children as dissatisfaction and disapproval of themselves. The more the child listens, the more annoyed he becomes, and eventually he develops a mentality of confrontation and revenge: Don’t you think I’m bothering you? Then I\’ll just wait a little longer and see what you can do to me! Moreover, parents\’ constant urging and nagging will make children feel incompetent and make them even more unwilling to do things. Therefore, I began to reduce my control over my daughter. I no longer scolded and urged her all the time, but made some adjustments to my life system. I told my daughter that it is up to her to decide when she comes home from school, does her homework, and takes a shower. Mom will never rush you or scold you. But there are two prerequisites: first, you must complete your homework before you can watch cartoons, and homework cannot be dealt with. As long as you finish writing it carefully, you can spend the time before going to bed as you wish. Second, you must go to bed at 10:30 every night. Even if you have not finished your homework, you must stop. As for how to explain it to the teacher, that is your business. Of course my daughter was very happy to hear this, because it meant that as long as she didn\’t delay or delay, she would have more than an hour of free time to relax and play. But that’s easier said than done. The dilly-dallying character and procrastination habit that she has developed over a long period of time make her daughter still get used to dilly-dallying even if she wants to work hard. In the first few days, she couldn\’t do it even one day! After returning home, I finally sat down to do my homework. When I finally finished it, it was already time to go to bed. I couldn\’t watch cartoons anymore, and my daughter collapsed.Cry loudly. Or you might be obsessed with watching cartoons, and when the time comes, you still don’t want to go to bed, and you’ll get mad at me. I responded in a principled but gentle manner: We have agreed, so think about how to optimize your time schedule tomorrow? Slowly, my daughter realized that I would not compromise, nor would I follow her behind to urge and remind her. She began to actively use her brain and discussed with me how to arrange things to maximize her free time at night. I also took the opportunity to encourage and guide: Think about it, my daughter, everyone has 24 hours a day. If you dawdle, not only will you not finish what you should do, but you will also not be able to enjoy and relax. If you seize the time, you will do everything well without any delay. , how great. My daughter fully agreed: Yes, Mom, I have also discovered that in the past, I watched cartoons first, and when I watched them, I knew that I had to do homework next, as if I had something on my mind, and it was not that relaxing. Now I find that it is so comfortable to finish my homework, wash up, put on my pajamas, and watch cartoons in bed! No matter how much truth you talk, it is not as effective as her personal experience. This is – \”Teaching people once and for all!\” 2. Know how to lower your standards, recognize the children\’s shortcomings and deficiencies, and consciously provide more opportunities for the children. More time and space for growth. Many times, parents will unknowingly use adult standards to demand their children. But children are not adults after all, and their rational thinking, psychological maturity, and personal abilities are not as agile and sophisticated as adults. Some things that seem simple to parents may be difficult for children. It’s just that parents have forgotten their own mental journey of learning and adapting as children. Therefore, parents should lower their standards appropriately and accept their children\’s imperfections. In the process of seeking independence, children will inevitably make mistakes, do poorly, and fail to meet their parents\’ expectations. The reason why they do things slowly or poorly is not because they don’t want to do it well. But the ability is not yet in place, or you are troubled by some kind of emotion. At this time, parents should not criticize, criticize, or humiliate the child, but should treat the child with a peaceful attitude, let the child release his emotions and worries, and then guide him step by step. My daughter doesn\’t like to recite. She can stumble over a short article for a long time. In the past, it was difficult for me to understand and accept this. In my opinion, what is so difficult to remember in these few paragraphs? If you can\’t memorize it and are not fluent, it means you are not careful and focused. Several times, my daughter was scolded and cried by me impatiently. Now, when I observed my daughter\’s fear and dilly-dallying behavior before memorizing the text, I chatted with her and asked her why she hated memorizing the text. My daughter was hesitant, but I understood – she felt that memorizing the text was boring, and every time I recited it, I would test her like a test, and watching her made her feel nervous and anxious. If I couldn\’t recite it, I would scold her and scold her. In the end, she became even more afraid of it and felt disgusted. If children are willing to talk about their worries, parents will have room for guidance. I apologized to my daughter and told her that her mother had not done well in the past and should not have controlled her bad emotions and put pressure on her. After hearing my generous expression, my daughter said, \”It doesn\’t matter. Please forgive me, because she knew I was anxious. For the sake ofShe\’s good. Then, I searched online for some interesting ways to train children to memorize and recite. For example, divide the text that needs to be memorized into several paragraphs, remember the first word at the beginning of each paragraph, and keep these words in mind. There will be a connection between the paragraphs and it will not be easy to forget. Secondly, when reciting the text, I would go online with her to read the geography and history-related stories behind the text. Let the content of the text have a real touch in the daughter\’s mind, making it easier to remember vividly. After a period of training, my daughter quickly mastered the skills and methods of reciting. No matter how long a text she recited, she would break it down according to the method, and she was not afraid of escaping at all. Coupled with my constant affirmation and encouragement from the sidelines, my daughter\’s sense of accomplishment and self-confidence have been greatly satisfied. She almost treats recitation as a skill to cultivate, and often takes out textbooks and asks me to test her. In class, every time my daughter recites, she wins praise from the teacher, which makes her more confident. In the past, I had to force her to take care of her, but my daughter was reluctant to carry it. Now, without my reminding or urging, my daughter takes the initiative and does not avoid trouble. Looking at the transformation of my daughter, I sighed in my heart: How can there be a child who is born not to love learning and procrastinates? It’s just that they don’t feel happiness and a sense of accomplishment from learning! In the process of growing up, every child will have problems of one kind or another, and no child is perfect. When a child has a problem and refuses to correct it despite repeated admonitions, parents may wish to change their thinking and return their attention to their own education methods. See if any of your methods are not good enough, or how you can improve them so that you can better lead your children to progress. As our children\’s first teachers, we have the responsibility to accompany our children and grow together. 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