The brain of the child who was yelled at was severely \”damaged\”, and the reason behind it has alarmed millions of Chinese families…

A child\’s brain development will be \”damaged\” if he is yelled at for a long time. Last weekend, I watched a reality show \”Super Parent\”, in which there was such a mother and child. The little boy is less than 5 years old, loves to cry, loses his temper, and is unreasonable. The mother has a bad temper and the child will yell when he makes a mistake. There is a scene in it where a mother and son go to the supermarket. In the supermarket, the little boy\’s curiosity was aroused and he kept asking questions along the way. The mother was annoyed by the questions and shouted to her son: \”Stop annoying me, don\’t ask me again, remember it yourself.\” !\” On the way home, the little boy was tired from walking and yelled for his mother to hold him. The mother instantly became angry and yelled at her son: \”How can I hold you while I\’m carrying something?\” When we finally got home, the child started playing with toy cars. A harsh and unpleasant sound was made, and the mother couldn\’t help it anymore, and yelled again: \”It\’s noisy, it\’s like this every morning!\” After a few scenes, the mother needed to experience how her child felt when she was yelled at. She was invited to a sound experience site to hear her own voice when she yelled at her children. The moment the hysterical curses penetrated her eardrums, the mother collapsed. She knelt down and covered her ears tightly, and kept saying that her voice sounded terrible. What kind of torture is it to a young child when the roaring that an adult cannot endure for even a second? Dr. Martin Teicher of Harvard Medical School found that verbal stress can cause \”damage\” to children\’s brains. Children\’s brains are developing and have not yet been finalized. Their ability to regulate speech stress is far behind that of adults. Mother yelling will make the child feel stressed about the current situation. When the environment is full of stress and needs are often deprived, the human brain switches to \”survival mode\” in order to adjust its state to adapt to the environment. When a person can only survive, he is cautious, timid, stingy, tends to please others, hides in corners hoping not to be noticed, etc. Even if their living environment has improved greatly as adults, it is difficult for them to change their thinking patterns. A mother yelling at her child will leave an indelible shadow on the child for life. The emotional harm after yelling is similar to the physical pain. I have seen a set of data before. In China, more than 90% of parents have yelled at their children. There are endless problems such as children being disobedient, talking back, not doing their homework properly, and getting poor grades. Parents are also under great pressure at work, have a lot of trivial matters in their lives, and are simmering in all kinds of nameless anger. When a child is disobedient, I just can’t help but activate the \”Hedong Lion\’s Roar\”. When parents yell at their children, they just want their children to obey. In the final analysis, it is for their own good. Little do they know that doing so not only fails to teach children well, but also causes emotional harm to them, ultimately affecting the parent-child relationship. An experiment by Dr. Ethan Kross of the University of Michigan found that emotional and physical pain respond very similarly in brain regions. When a person talks about feeling \”heartbroken,\” \”heartbroken\” is not exactly a metaphor anymore. He may actually be experiencing almost the same level of pain in his nervous system. When parents yell at their children, the emotional trauma they suffer can be as painful as the physical pain. Picture book \”Loud Mom\”\”Mom\” mentioned the little penguin\’s mental journey when his mother yelled at him. Yelling was like a sharp invisible sword, completely wounding the child inside and out. A psychologist once said this: It is much easier to raise a healthy child than to repair a broken adult. Being a parent who can talk well to your children is better than giving them any gifts. Speak well so that children can listen. Someone once conducted an experiment to study the impact of tone of voice on the degree of completion of a task. It was found that when dealing with the same thing, different tones will have different effects. The smaller the voice that blames the child, the more seriously the child will listen, and the better the educational effect will be. A low tone can make people more rational and calm. It can also relax children\’s psychological defenses of resistance and rebelliousness, which is conducive to communication. Criticizing a child in a low voice can focus the other person\’s hearing, and can also pre-emptively prevent the child from using a high-pitched voice. I watched \”Where Are We Going, Dad\” before, and there was a scene that left a deep impression on me. Chen Xiaochun and his son Jasper chose a very dilapidated house. Jasper disliked the strange smell in the house and was unwilling to live in it. At first, Chen Xiaochun was very angry and yelled at him loudly, telling him not to come in and stay outside. Jasper looked at his angry father, crying aggrievedly and yelling that he missed his mommy. Chen Xiaochun realized that his attitude was wrong, so he apologized to his son and told his son in a soft voice why he wanted to live in this house. After listening to his father\’s gentle persuasion, Jasper quickly calmed down and started doing hygiene together with his father. When a child has a tantrum, we can\’t help but get angry. The result is that the child is sad and the mother blames herself. However, temporary majesty and anger are meaningless in education, and forcing children to obey will only cause more serious problems. A child\’s heart is as fragile as dewdrops on a lotus leaf and needs our gentle care. Soft words can turn off the fire and make children obedient. This is the magic of a lower voice. If you really can’t help but yell at your child, maybe you can try this. You may say, I don’t want to yell at my child, but I just can’t help it, what should I do? As a mother, you have to do a lot of trivial tasks that are repetitive and lack a sense of value. Some mothers will suffer from \”chronic fatigue syndrome\”. One of the symptoms of this syndrome is yelling at their children. A mother\’s \”chronic fatigue syndrome\” often goes through three stages. In the first stage, energy is gradually depleted and the body is exhausted. I am as busy as a top every day, my work never stops, and I have no support from the people around me. The second stage is depersonalization and emotional alienation. Because of extreme fatigue, the mother\’s \”ability to love\” was damaged. She felt that her work was like a machine and she was unable to feel the \”emotion\” with her child. The third stage: irritable, out of control, unable to resist beating and scolding children, and quarreling with husband. At this stage, the mother\’s emotions will go back and forth, and she may be disappointed with herself, but she cannot control herself. Here is a table that mom can check for herself. If you feel that you have the above problems, you must adjust your mentality. 1. First of all, don’t think about being a perfect mother, just be the most loving child in the world.that person. In this world, no one is born to be a mother. Mothers also learn and do things at the same time after their children are born. They must tolerate their own mistakes and tolerate the mistakes of others. 2. Secondly, you can leave the child to the father or other relatives to help take care of it. Even if they don\’t take care of you as well as you do, just \”let it be.\” 3. In addition to self-examination of your own problems, it is more important to change the way you communicate with your children. Nelson said in \”Positive Discipline\”: When we pay attention to maintaining the child\’s dignity, respect the child, and have a firm attitude, the child will understand that his behavior cannot bring about the desired effect. If your child does something wrong, don\’t get angry quickly. Give your child a hug and wait for him to calm down, so that he can feel that he is respected. When your child calms down, you can tell him your expectations and he will be more likely to accept it. 4. If you can\’t help but yell at your child, remember to put down your body and comfort the fearful child. Although we all say that we want to be a loving mother and love each other with our children, however, in parent-child education, if we are not careful, we will end up with a plastic mother-child (mother-daughter) relationship. Once we yell at our child, please remember to give yourself a few minutes to calm down. After your emotions calm down, squat down, try to hug your child, and tell him: \”Although mom yelled at you, mom still loves you.\” It has not diminished at all. Next time, mom will try to control her emotions.\” Parents are the longest-serving teachers in their children\’s lives, and adults\’ words and deeds have the greatest impact on their children. Parents who are irritable, uncool, and scold loudly when things happen will definitely have a subtle effect on their children\’s character. There is a term in psychology called the \”south wind effect\”: the north wind and the south wind compete to see who can take off the coats of pedestrians. The north wind blew a biting cold wind, and pedestrians wrapped their coats tightly because they were afraid of the cold; while the south wind blew a gentle breeze, and pedestrians felt warm and took off their coats. Gentle words sound like spring breeze, and even children can listen to them. Talking well is the best gift you can give your children!