The child is \”a mess at home and timid when going out\”, and 4 family truths are revealed behind the scenes

I often hear many parents reprimanding their children: You just do it at home, why don\’t you go out and do it? He is the cowardly guy who wanders out of his home! Although parents often reprimand their children in this way, in fact many children are domineering and domineering at home. They lose their temper and talk back to their parents if they don\’t get their way at the slightest. Even when I quarreled with my parents, I became as obedient as a little white rabbit when I got outside. Even if I was sometimes beaten, scolded, or robbed of things by others, I didn\’t dare to speak out or resist. In fact, it is not entirely the child’s fault that the child is “acting rough in the house and afraid to go out”. The truth behind it is more worthy of our reflection. \”The whole family\” mostly stems from unruly love. Many children are only children in the family, and some are second-generation only children. They have only one baby in the family, and their grandparents are very fond of them. The six members of the family revolve around the child and love him very much. Whatever the child\’s needs are, the family will immediately meet them and depend on the child for everything. Once, I took my daughter to play at a friend\’s house. It happened that her son was making trouble at home and insisted on buying a Peppa Pig doll that was exactly the same as his sister\’s. The friend refused to buy it at first because he thought that buying a set of the same toys would be enough, and the sister and brother could take turns playing with it. As a result, her son lost his temper, kept crying, and even dropped his sister\’s Peppa Pig to the ground. My friend quickly coaxed his son: \”Okay, okay, why don\’t you let me buy it for you!\” My son cried even louder: \”I want it now, you go buy it for me now!\” My friend smiled at me awkwardly. , while hurriedly asking her husband to go out to buy it, but after his father left, his son immediately got up from the ground and stopped crying. Behind every child in the nest, there is a pair of parents with unclear rules and endless doting. Teacher Yang Jie, a master of education at Beijing Normal University and a parent-child consultant, believes that if a mother compromises blindly, her children will only learn two things from her – first, losing her temper; second, as long as she insists on losing her temper, sooner or later her mother will compromise. The child stays in the nest because he knows that his parents will always love him. Not only can he achieve his goal, but he will not be punished. Human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. The more secure the environment, the easier it is to be unrestrained and reveal one\’s true nature. This is true for adults, and so is children. It is of course important to raise children with full love, but unprincipled doting on children can easily lead to children having no rules, no respect, and self-centered selfishness and willfulness! It is better to love too much than not to love at all. Giving when you should refuse is not kindness, but harm. Children have less social interaction and less contact with the outside world. Nowadays, many people like to stay at home. Parents like to stay at home, and their children also stay at home. The electronic products at home attract adults and children. Children have fewer opportunities to go out and play, rarely have contact with outsiders, and cannot have more contact and play with peers. The most important thing is that there will not be so many people outside who spoil their children. If the child continues to be \”violent\”, it will not only be ineffective, but may also be counterattacked. The adults are not around and cannot provide personal protection. The children are now isolated and helpless, and do not know how to protect themselves, let alone how to get close to others, which leads to a sense of frustration. Therefore, \”it\’s so difficult to go out when you\’re in a den\”\”Children who are arrogant are actually lonely and scared inside. The atmosphere in the family is not good, and being rude at home is not the exclusive domain of children. Many people are rude to family members, and are extremely shy when they go out. The so-called \”keep all your good temper\” If you give it to outsiders, your bad temper will be given to your family members.\” When observing such people, generally his family of origin also has such problems. I once heard a mother complain: Her husband is the \”actor\”, and if anything happens to outsiders and neighbors at home, he will He is always patient and patient in helping others, and always looks impatient when dealing with his family. Therefore, being in a nest has a genetic effect. If you don’t want your children to be in a nest, you must set an example, set a good example, and keep your good temper. For family members. Parents\’ emotions have a great influence on their children. Some parents cannot control their emotions at home and quarrel or even fight in front of their children. Children are actually most afraid of their parents quarreling and fighting. Over time, the children will become more and more angry. He became timid and cowardly. But the child knew that his parents loved him and would pamper him, so over time he developed a character of being arrogant at home and timid when going out. I once saw such a scene. A little girl wanted to play on the swings, but there were already people playing on the two swings. When the father saw that his daughter wanted to play but did not dare to go forward, he walked over and followed the swings. The children said: \”Can you let my sister play for a while? \”In life, many parents will be like this father. When their children come into contact with peers, they can\’t help but stand up for their children. It seems that the problem is solved, but in fact it deprives the children of the opportunity to learn to solve problems on their own. Children You need to learn to feel and judge the other person\’s position through the other person\’s eyes, words and deeds, the cause of the matter, your own emotions, etc. in various large and small social interactions, and choose what to do. American psychologist M. Scott. ·Pike said: “One of the essences of true love is the hope that the other person will have an independent personality. \”The more parents take care of themselves, the more their children will become more and more timid when going out. How to change the situation of children who are \”timid inside and outside the home\”? Find the \”root cause\” of the problem, and you can try to guide your children in this way. 1. Establish a clear understanding at home Do not continue to pamper your children according to the rules. You can train your children to participate in family work and let them do things within their capabilities. This will be more conducive to cultivating children\’s independent abilities. At the same time, children\’s needs can be selectively met and the children\’s needs can be selectively met. Set certain boundaries: “I can grant you this request, but you have to promise me this! \”Let the child understand that not everyone has to be centered on him, and not all needs can be met. After setting the rules, only by resolutely implementing them will the child know where your boundaries are: \”\’Being in the nest\’ is It\’s useless, my parents are not \’at my mercy\’! \”True love is not simply giving, but also includes appropriate rejection, timely praise, appropriate criticism, necessary encouragement and effective urging. 2. Let children go out more and increase the opportunities for social interaction with children of the same age. Playing and interacting with partners allows the child to experience some things. Maybe the child is still \”cowardly\” at the beginning, but as the experience increases, the child learns to interact with others.What can be realized and changed through contact with others can be summed up and reflected on through constant interaction, and the \”cowardly\” state can be changed. The experience of the environment and the accumulation of knowledge can make children become more and more bold and no longer timid in public places. 3. Teach children how to express and vent their emotions. Children who are stuck in the nest at home often have limited expression ability and cannot think of any other way to solve the problem except crying and making a fuss. Over time, emotional expression and communication skills will lag behind those of children of the same age. It is very important for children to understand their own and other people\’s emotions. Children must learn to think about their own feelings and consider how their actions will affect others. Emotions are innate, and everyone has bad moods sometimes, not to mention children. When a child loses his temper, don\’t stop him directly. First, learn to understand and accept the child, hug him, and tell him: \”Mom knows you are unhappy. If you are angry now, you can lose your temper for a while.\” \”But **** thing, I won\’t agree because…\” On the one hand, it reminds the child to be aware of the existence of his emotions, and on the other hand, he also firmly tells him that losing his temper will not achieve his goal. Children reflect their parents’ thoughts, words and deeds. There are no born “bad children”, only parents who cannot teach them. After all, it is easy to solve the problem of children being \”cowardly at home but timid when going out\”. If parents do not pamper or do everything, they give but also exercise restraint. Children will naturally develop in a balanced way and be smart and knowledgeable.