The child is already on the verge of collapse, but the parents forgot to do this

Yesterday, a reader friend said to me on WeChat: \”There is a very popular video on Weibo, but my child is not like this when he is three years old. I am watching it and thinking that it is my child. What should I do?\” and then gave it to me. I posted this video: I actually watched this video a few days ago, and I felt so confused after watching it. Let’s take a look at what kind of message the more than two minutes of video conveys to us: the little girl is on the verge of collapse and says hysterically: “I already know that I was wrong. I want to be quiet for a while. Why are you still holding on?” Hold on to me and won’t let me go.” The mother is still trying her best to make the child realize his mistakes and admit his mistakes with a correct attitude: “When I tell you carefully, you start to cry, and I ask you to reach out and accept the lesson. You are more cruel than me!” In fact, this Does the scene look familiar? As many netizens said: \”It seems like I saw my childhood.\” One party is unable to explain, and the other party is still pressing. Whose fault? Since there is no antecedent or follow-up, I won’t make any comments. But I know that when our children grow up, they will definitely face such difficulties. So, as the friend thought, what should we do? In the video, we can see that both parents are obsessed with solving the problem, but ignore the emotional guidance of the little girl. In this kind of confrontation between the two sides, when the child\’s emotions are forced to the point of desperation, he is not accepted, understood, and is not allowed to resist. Parents also have a headache, feeling that despite their good intentions, their children are disobedient to discipline. So, maybe we should try to do this thing – a positive \”pause\”. First of all, what I want to say is that in the process of paying attention to and solving problems, we need to try to let children know the value of the \”cooling off period\”. We all need some time to calm down before trying to solve the problem. Because when we are upset, it is difficult to calmly find solutions. In fact, it helps to solve the problem when we calm down and can think rationally. The second thing that needs to be reminded is that it is not just the children who need to calm down, we also need to press the pause button for ourselves. In the previous video, when the parents finally left the room and gave their children some space, although it came a little late, I was really relieved. Accept the child\’s emotions instead of blaming her. She wants to cry. That is a way for her to express her emotions. We need to understand instead of thinking that it is wrong for her to cry like this. Don\’t rush to define her behavior, but actively \”time out\” at the right time. Seeing this, we may all remember that our parents did this before, but I was still very hurt. Think about it, is it the message conveyed in the video: \”I don\’t like what you just did, please go and be quiet and think about what you did?\” This sentence is stupid, and the reason for its stupidity is The reason is that parents assume that they know and can control their children\’s thoughts, but in fact they cannot control them, but they still require their children to do what they expect. Positive \”pause\” is different. It will help children feel better and help ourselves not to be hijacked by emotions. How can this be done? There are four points we need to pay attention to: 01. Spend time training. We need to talk to our children about the “cooling off period” in advancebenefits, we all need to wait until we feel better before resolving conflicts. When I was six or six years old and I was emotionally sensitive, I once liked to scatter toys all over the floor. If I accept it, she will feel that her property rights have been violated and cry. She even refused my hug and asked me to stand in one place and look at her. I was annoyed at first and thought she was being unreasonable. Later, when I realized that my mood was unstable, I discussed with her, you can cry for a while, and while you are crying, mom will read this book, and we will talk about it after you finish reading it, or you can come to her after you calm down. Me, mom, needs to calm down too. So, after a period of time when conflicts occurred and resolved, we reached a tacit understanding and realized the benefits. We let each other go before the emotions broke out. 02. Let the children set up their own \”time-out area\”. Let the children set up their own \”positive time-out area\”, or at least participate in the arrangement. This is very important. Let the child choose an area, which can be her own bedroom, a crib, or a favorite corner, and then put some of her favorite toys, picture books and other items that can help her mood improve. What needs to be noted here is that we may have a misunderstanding that the pause area is a place to face the wall and think about our mistakes. But children should actually be allowed to do things they find enjoyable. We need to understand that this is not a reward, but to help them feel better. Because \”timeout\” already has a punitive meaning, we can give our child\’s timeout area a name. For example, the latest name of Liuliu\’s pause area is \”Dinosaur Valley\”. That\’s right, it\’s the title of the book in the supplementary pack that I recommended to everyone. 03. Discuss a plan with the child in advance. When the child behaves inappropriately, we can give suggestions, \”Do you think it would be better if you go to your \”garden\”?\”. The child may be too angry and refuse. But that’s okay, we can say, “Would you like me to go with you? Mom needs a calm down time, too.” If the child still says “no,” we can say, “Okay, I think I need to go.” The behavior tells the child: the time-out zone is not a punishment, and time-out is not a bad thing. Our goal is to make the child feel better so the child can do better. And we also need to tell ourselves that many times, it is ourselves who need to pause more. 04. Tell the child that after feeling better, if the problem still exists, we need to find a solution to the problem. Sometimes we can wait for each other to calm down before discussing the problem, but there is no need to reflect on and solve the problem every time. Because sometimes, a positive \”time-out\” is enough to interrupt your child\’s misbehavior. This requires us to make our own judgment based on experience. What we need to tell ourselves is to teach children to regard making mistakes as a good opportunity to learn, rather than to admit their mistakes or make them pay for their mistakes. In the years when I grew up with Liuliu, I also encountered problems of all sizes, including times when she lost control of her emotions or when I was on the verge of collapse. Many times, if you insist on arguing about the child\’s right and wrong in that situation, it will actually be counterproductive. There is a degree of relaxation, a ropeWe all know that if the child is too tight, it will break. This is also true in parenting. Therefore, before a conflict occurs, we try our best to learn to press the \”pause\” button promptly and actively. Believe in yourself and your children, be quiet and wait until we feel better.