The child is the driver and the parents are the co-pilot! I sincerely recommend all parents to read this interpretation

There is a popular picture about education recently. It compares children to drivers and parents are co-pilots. It offers some advice to parents from this perspective. This is an interesting angle, so let’s take a look at what perspectives these suggestions provide us. \”First, remember not to grab the steering wheel, otherwise you will go ahead.\” Parents may need to realize that children are the leaders in their children\’s life, and parents play a supporting role. But we always can\’t control ourselves and always want to give suggestions and find solutions to our children. After all, children are young and lack social experience, so how can they leave our \”guidance\”? There was once a metaphor called \”helicopter parent\”, which means that many parents are always around their children. When they see their children encounter difficulties, they immediately airdrop relief supplies or even come down to help their children. Nowadays, many parents are even \”bulldozer parents\” who push a bright road for their children and arrange everything for their children. Children must live according to their parents\’ ideas. However, when we give our children advice, the subtext is: I am better than you. When this signal is received by the child, he either resists and resolutely refuses to accept it; or he feels even more incompetent and relies on external answers. In fact, the only person who can truly solve the problem is yourself. Yet we often unintentionally deprive our children of their ability to solve problems independently. We must believe that children have the ability to solve problems on their own. It is precisely because we take care of too many things for our children in daily life, and we do not want our children to encounter difficulties and take so-called \”detours\”. When encountering these situations, parents are more anxious than their children, or they come up with a bunch of ideas for their children to take care of. Do it, or find ways to guide the children to do what we want. And this just deprives children of the right to experience and experience. Children lose the opportunity to face difficulties and setbacks, so they gradually become dependent on their parents. When it\’s time to become independent, it will be difficult for him to step out of his parents\’ wings due to his lack of experience. At this time, the parents began to complain again about why their children had no independent opinions. It is important for parents to give their children the power to find solutions to problems. The task of parents is to help their children complete the steps to solve the problem at their own pace, not to complete the entire process for the child, nor to make a timetable to urge the child to solve the problem. Just like the metaphor of the driver and co-pilot, children need to learn in driving schools, accumulate experience, correct mistakes, and gradually mature so that they can be on the road safer in the future. Rather than parents immediately grabbing the steering wheel as soon as they see something is wrong, they help their children design his life path. \”Second, remember not to keep nagging about your child\’s poor driving skills, which will bore you to death.\” When we look at children with the eyes of \”experienced people\”, it is like opening up a God\’s perspective. It is easy to think that children are not mature enough and should You can avoid detours by following what we say. So when our children behave immaturely, we can\’t help but nag them. But some experiences can only be learned by experiencing them yourself. I once met a father who said: \”I can\’t let my child make decisions because he always makes wrong choices. I have to remind him all the time. If he can make the right choice, I will let him go.\”Let him choose his heart, but he always chooses the inappropriate one. \”After listening to this, I was very emotional. Although this father gave his child a choice on the surface, in fact, he had already made the decision he thought was most appropriate in his heart. And when the child\’s choice is different from what he thought, we will Taking back the right to choose from children. This actually reverses the cause and effect. It is not because we trust the child that he becomes trustworthy; it is not because the child can make the right decision. Only because we are willing to respect his choice can he slowly learn to make appropriate choices. You must know that the \”correct\” choice is obtained from experience, and experience is exactly that. Learned from \”wrong\” choices. Respect children\’s choices from an early age, allow them the freedom to explore and take responsibility, face the consequences of choices with them, and explore other possibilities together, so that children can grow from the inside out. Send out a sense of responsibility and self-responsibility. “Third, don’t repeat your experience of driving a tractor, but now you are driving a tram. \”The development of the times is getting faster and faster. What children will face in the future will be the society twenty or thirty years from now. We don\’t know what the society will be like at that time. The development speed of the entire society will be faster and faster. It is obviously unrealistic to bind our children with our past experiences and expect them to excel in the future society. If we want our children to live a better life in the future society, we must let them think of their own now. , live your own life, instead of continuing to follow our old path. You know, in twenty or thirty years, we will be fifty or sixty years old. Letting our children face their world according to the way of life sixty years ago is like taking. Using an ancient map to find your way in a modern city does not mean that the map is wrong, it is just that it is not suitable for the changing times. We cannot use our own experience to replace and direct our children, nor can we use the models in our own minds to design. , to build a child\’s life, but this is also the charm of accompanying a life to grow. We cannot control who our children will become in the future and what kind of life they will live, because their future has unlimited possibilities when we think outside our heads. Only when we stay within the framework can we embrace the unknown but exciting future together with our children, and create a life full of vitality and infinite possibilities. “Fourth, silently pay attention to the surrounding road conditions and remind you when you are about to go wrong. \”Fifth, I\’ve already gone the wrong way, so I said it doesn\’t matter, so I just went around a few more kilometers.\” \”Just imagine, when we are driving, if the navigation says next to us: \”Why did you drive the wrong car again? You didn\’t listen when I told you to turn left just now. Now I need to take a detour. Now that you know you are in a hurry, what did you do earlier? \”I told you to drive slower, drive slower, do you hear me?\” Why don’t you listen even after you’ve said it a hundred times? You have already taken this wrong path three times. Are you confused? \”I guess you will want to smash the navigation. Fortunately, our navigation always prompts very gently: \”You are about to turn left, please change lanes in advance. \”The road ahead is narrowing, please slow down and drive carefully.\” Even if we took the wrong route, the navigation would just say: \”The route has been re-planned for you.\” \”After all, the directorNavigation only helps us reach our destination, but we are the helmsmen of our own life. \”Sixth, open the snacks and put something to eat in your mouth.\” This item was crossed out. It is probably from the perspective of safe driving that the co-pilot should not interfere with the driver. However, in life, parents can indeed create more warm and comfortable environments for their children. Especially when children face some exams and challenges, take good care of their children\’s eating, drinking, sleeping, and sleeping habits so that they can feel relaxed and comfortable. Instead of continuing to put pressure on your child. \”Seventh, I hate that the co-pilot does nothing but sleeps and watches videos, and has no motivation to drive.\” When children are emotional, frustrated, and frustrated, they really want to talk to their parents. They will also hope to be able to ask their parents for help when necessary. Similarly, when children are successful and happy, they also want someone to share them with. But some parents habitually ignore their children\’s emotions. Gradually, the children become unwilling to share their thoughts and feelings with their parents, and have no motivation to communicate. When we deny our children\’s feelings and needs, they gradually learn to cover up and suppress them. When a child is young, he will say to us: \”Mom, I want you to accompany me.\”, \”Mom, I\’m so scared.\” However, our response to our children is often criticism and rejection: \”You are so old and you still need someone to accompany you? You are not a child.\” \”What is there to be afraid of? You are too timid, be brave!\” Gradually, the child will not dare to express his feelings and needs. Maybe he will also talk about his ideas: \”Mom, I want to go to a classmate\’s house to play on the weekend.\” But many times we have to deny even his ideas: \”Whatever you want to play, you know how to play all day long, and if you want to play, you should also play with classmates who have good grades.\” Let\’s play together and don\’t hang out with those naughty ones. The exam is coming next week. Have you finished your homework? \”Have you finished your review?\” If your child\’s ideas are often rejected, he will gradually know that, and It is not safe for parents to talk about their ideas and they will be criticized. So he learned to hide his thoughts and shut his parents out of his heart. Parents no longer had the opportunity to enter their children\’s inner world. How many adolescent children hide in their rooms and lock the door after returning home, not wanting to answer no matter what their parents ask. Many parents will ask: \”Why doesn\’t my child communicate with me?\” That\’s because when the children were young, they were pushed away by us little by little when they pestered us and chirped. A child\’s heart leaves home step by step from the inside out. Why are some children unwilling to communicate with their parents? Because for a child, whether he is willing to talk to you does not depend on whether you love him or not, but whether it is safe to talk to you and whether he will be denied, criticized, accused, or even beaten. If we can temporarily put aside the right and wrong of things, and just listen attentively and understand the needs and feelings behind the child\’s behavior, the child will feel respected and accepted, and feel that he is important and valuable. In this case, the child is willing to communicate with us. These are some of the perspectives reflected in this image. Parenting is a complex system that goes beyond just these few aspects. We will also share more content in the future and look forward to discussing it with you..