The child\’s friction was actually prompted by the mother? 90% of parents have fallen into this trap

A reader\’s mother sent a private message and said that it has been a while since elementary school started, and she thought that her daughter would become more diligent and sensible in the new semester when she was one year older. However, my daughter has been so persistent recently that she has almost turned herself into a \”sister urging me to wake up\”: I wake up in the morning: I can\’t bear to wake up the first time, I will moan back to you after the second time, and I won\’t stop until the third time. He got up willingly, squinting his eyes and dawdling to put on his clothes. When I go home to do my homework: I procrastinate on my homework. Within 5 minutes of sitting down, I want to drink water, want to eat fruit, and want to go to the toilet. Originally I didn\’t have much homework, so I had to wait until eight or nine o\’clock to finish it. To urge me to sleep at night: It’s almost 10:30, and my daughter is still nestled on the sofa watching cartoons. There was no response after urging her, and she became anxious if she urged her again. It’s been almost two weeks since school started. I’ve been reminded three times a day and it’s never stopped. It’s like I’m being urged all day long. In the end, nothing has changed at all. What should I do? Procrastination seems to be a common problem among children. Many mothers burst into tears whenever this topic is discussed. So, what exactly causes children to behave like this? Why can\’t I change it no matter how hard I try? To this end, Youma specifically consulted Teacher Luo Jing, a specially appointed expert of \”Parents\’ Must-Read Lecture\” and a Ph.D. from the Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences. She said: \”We always think that children\’s procrastination is a sign of being unbehaved and disobedient. In fact, we all You are wrong to blame the children. On the one hand, these behaviors are normal for a special age group, and on the other hand, they are inseparable from parents’ urging and overstepping of boundaries!” In fact, children also want to go fast, but they just can’t. Most of them are in kindergarten, Children in the lower grades of primary school have immature nerve and muscle development, poor body coordination, and poor coordination between the brain and hands and feet. Therefore, they will have difficulty completing some fine movements, such as dressing, buttoning, and using. Chopsticks and pens will appear to be \”drifting\” and \”draggy\” when holding them. This is the situation where the mind is full but the strength is insufficient. At this time, if the parents continue to urge and scold, the children will become even more anxious and unable to do anything well. Then they will attract more urging and scolding from their parents… and eventually fall into a vicious circle. Suggestions for parents: Children can continue to practice and grow slowly only at the pace they are most comfortable with. Your impatient urging will often make your children confused and do everything in a hurry. As time goes by, not only will the child not be able to correct the problem of dilly-dallying, but he will also become less confident and timid due to frequent urging from parents. Raising children is inherently a delicate job. The more anxious you are, the more problems you will have. You must be patient, stay with your children, and wait for the flowers to bloom. Many children\’s dilly-dallying is due to the fact that we can\’t help but push them when they are slow in doing things. We hope that the children can feel our sincere words and \”strengthen themselves without waiting for the whip\” in the future. But in fact, our urging often has the opposite effect! Let’s look back at the example mentioned at the beginning of the article: A mother said that her daughter stayed on the sofa watching cartoons until after 10 o’clock, and had to be urged three times before she would sleep obediently. So here comes the question: Does my daughter really not know that she should be ready to wash up and go to bed at 10:30? In fact, my daughter knows and understands these rules. And her placeThe reason why he stayed still was because he had become immune and dependent on his mother\’s nagging and urging for a long time. When her mother urged her for the first time, she didn\’t care at all, because she knew that her mother was just getting a vaccination and would urge her again anyway, so she continued to watch TV with peace of mind; when her mother urged her for the second time, she was a little prepared. She had a premonition that her mother might get angry, so she took the last moment to watch for a while; when her mother urged her for the third time, she knew that her mother was really angry and would really get beaten if she didn\’t go to bed, so she got up to wash up, Get ready for bed. As time goes by, the standard for children to do things is not \”what time should be done\”, but \”does the mother urge you?\” What is urgent is what mom urges. Don\’t take the initiative to do anything if mom doesn\’t urge. Suggestions for parents: Slowly stop nagging, coaxing and urging. When giving instructions to your children, the content should be simple and clear, the attitude should be kind, and the tone should be firm: \”Baby, it is already 10 o\’clock. Mom allows you to watch the last 5 minutes, and you have to start washing after 5 minutes, do you understand?\” The more parents help, the more the children bother. Some parents think that their children are slow to eat, so they feed their children and prevent them from eating by themselves; When the child\’s desk is messy, he helps the child clean it up; when he thinks the child is slow to get dressed and is afraid of being late for school, he helps the child get dressed… Although parents have good intentions, every time they do something for their child, they deprive the child of something. Opportunities for exercise and growth. In the end, other people’s children can feed and dress themselves, while our children have to be fed and helped to dress. Moreover, if parents do too much for their children, they will develop a serious dependency mentality. They will not do some things if they don\’t want to do them, and they will dawdle if they want to. Anyway, there are parents following behind to \”wipe their butts.\” Suggestions for parents: There are only so many things that children can do to exercise and practice their skills as they grow up. If you do 80% for your child, your child will only have 20% room for growth; if you only do 20% for your child, %, then the child will get 80% of the room for growth. Therefore, true love for children is not about endless care, but about allowing children to face the wind and rain appropriately and grow up as soon as possible. Correct guidance is more effective than urging and scolding. Some children\’s dilly-dallying is because they have no sense of time. This is also a very common situation, because children really don’t know how long the “5 minutes”, “half an hour” and “one hour” mentioned by adults are. So, you yell at your child angrily: \”Hurry up, you\’ll be late in 5 minutes!\” But the child thinks that 5 minutes is a long period of time, and continues to do whatever he needs to do slowly. In this case, parents can use timers or alarm clocks to help. When you ask your children to \”wash your face in 5 minutes\” or \”write new words in 10 minutes\”, set the corresponding time so that the children can experience \” How long are 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and half an hour? The reason why some children dilly-dally is that they are not interested in what their parents ask them to do and deliberately dilly-dally to express their dissatisfaction. In this case, you need to have a good conversation with your child and ask him why he doesn\’t like it, and then you can discuss it together to see if there is a better solution. haveMost children are dilly-dallying because they lack concentration. When doing homework, I look around and drink water and go to the toilet, which seriously affects my efficiency. In this case, it is recommended that parents, on the way to pick up their children from school, ask their children what homework they have, which one they want to do first and which one they want to do last, and have a plan in their heads in advance. After you get home, you don\’t have to rush to do your homework first. You need to eat, drink water, eat fruit, and go to the toilet quickly, and then start doing your homework. You are no longer allowed to eat casually while doing your homework. Over time, this can slowly improve the child\’s time planning ability, protect the child\’s attention, and improve efficiency.