The child\’s future is hidden in the mother\’s emotions

I saw a piece of news some time ago. A mother yelled at a man eating instant noodles on a high-speed train, using insulting words such as \”scum\” and \”shameless\” because her child was allergic to the taste of instant noodles. The man who was confused at first heard the woman say \”for the good of the child\” and shouted back: \”You still know that there is a child!\” Then he heard the cry of a child coming from the carriage. As a mother, I can understand how this mother wants to protect her children. After having a child, every mother wants to become an omnipotent superman and do her best to give her child the best. Even if you go through thorns and thorns, you must open up a path for your children with the singing of birds and the fragrance of flowers. However, compared to the seemingly peaceful environment in the outside world, what the child needs more is the mother\’s warm embrace and the comfort of spring breeze and rain. Those who lose control of their emotions and criticize or abuse those around them in the name of \”for the good of the child\” will only cause more harm to the child who was already hurt. Image source: \”Orphan\’s Resent\” If a mother is emotionally unstable, she is like a time bomb that may explode at any time. After being together for a long time, children often become irritable and irritable and do not know how to love others. Psychological counselor Lai Peixia gave a speech titled \”Why is happiness so difficult\” in \”I am a Speaker\”. She said: When your mother lives in sorrow and pain all her life, do you dare to be happy? The answer is difficult. Just like a policeman is born in a family of thieves, then the policeman is a traitor. The happiness at this time is like a kind of betrayal. We cannot bear such guilt. We would rather sacrifice our own happiness than dare to be happy. She also mentioned her hard childhood. When she was a child, her mother used the banner of \”I scold you because I love you\” time and time again, talking about love but accusing her with a ferocious face. The former little girl silently remembered this way of love in her heart, and in her subsequent marriage life, she also treated close people in the same way, but ended up with a broken head and blood. At the end of the speech, Lai Peixia asked parents to be honest and told their children: \”I scold you not because I love you, but because I don\’t manage my emotions well.\” Psychologist Li Xue said: \”Reincarnation has a huge driving force, and my childhood was gloomy. Parents will pass on psychological trauma to their children. No matter how much we consciously hope that our children will no longer suffer, our subconscious is always creating the same trap.\” Every word and deed of parents is affecting their children. One day, when children When you grow up and become a parent, you will unconsciously become \”like your parents.\” Please put away your negative emotions and give your children a warm and loving environment so that they can feel the love of their parents and learn to express love. Maternal education is a kind of \”root\” education, the goal is to nourish and enrich life. A mother\’s mood determines the temperature and happiness of a family. Only when the mother maintains a stable, gentle, and positive emotion can the child\’s heart be filled with a full sense of security, have strong confidence to walk in the world, and receive the best healing even if he is injured. In the movie \”Mysterious Superstar\”, the father of the girl Yin Xiya is extremely emotional and violent. He scolds his daughter and punches his wife whenever he disagrees.Kick. However, Yin Xiya, who grew up in this kind of family environment, did not wait in despair to hand over her destiny to her father and let him betrothed to a man she barely knew. Instead, she firmly pursued her dream of singing and singing. love. Image source: \”Mysterious Superstar\” All this is due to the support and encouragement of my mother. Even though she suffered domestic violence from her husband for a long time, Yin Xiya\’s mother has always tolerated it, not passing on her bad emotions to her daughter, and used her own way to give her daughter hope and make suggestions for her daughter when she was lost again and again. With her mother\’s encouragement, Yin Xiya\’s singing has won praise from thousands of netizens, and she has also been given the opportunity to collaborate with well-known musicians, gradually stepping onto a larger singing stage. It was her mother\’s positive emotions and attitude that gave her daughter great support and encouragement, helping her achieve her seemingly slim dream. Picture source: \”Mysterious Superstar\” I have received many messages from mothers backstage. They often say: \”I don\’t want to lose my temper, and I also want to be a gentle mother, but when faced with endless trivial daily affairs every day, my children are disobedient. , I couldn’t help but want to get angry. But every time after I got angry, I always blamed myself, hating myself for not being gentler, so I fell into a vicious cycle.\” Picture source: \”Stars on Earth\” So, mothers How can I better manage my emotions? 1. Respect children’s nature and allow them to make mistakes. I remember that there was a time when my daughter liked to tear up paper and often laughed while tearing paper. Because I knew this was a way for the child to explore the world, I didn\’t intervene in any way. But then one time, I put a very important document from the company on the table in the study room, and she went in to play with it, and ended up tearing the document into pieces. It happened that the company leader was eager to ask for this document. I was so angry that I lost my temper with her, and my daughter was so frightened that she cried. After the incident passed, I began to calm down and reflect on myself… In fact, the child did not know the importance of that document. She just tore the paper as usual. When she saw her mother suddenly getting angry at herself, she fell into fear and became confused. . Image source: \”Looking Beautiful\” We must respect children\’s nature to explore the world and allow children to make some small mistakes. Allow him to accidentally break the flower pot, allow him to throw the remote control into the trash can, allow him to dismantle the toys and reassemble them, as long as he doesn\’t hurt himself or violate his principles, let him go. In this way, the mother will remind herself to stay calm when various emergencies occur. 2. Be a lazy mother and vent your emotions appropriately. Everyone will have their own little emotions and tempers. We need to give our emotions an outlet. Last year, a mother in Shanghai caused her 5-month-old child to fall off the bed due to a moment of negligence. She was filled with guilt and self-blame. Unexpectedly, she was scolded and disliked by her husband, \”You don\’t go to work, and you can\’t even see your child.\” OK.\” So he impulsively jumped off the fifth floor with his child. As first-time mothers, mothers wish they could transform into all-around supermen, feeding, coaxing to sleep, and changing diapers 24 hours a day… They do the hardest work in the world, but they don\’t get the recognition they deserve. Instead, they are often regarded as \” It should be.\” There are even many dads who think:A stay-at-home mother who has many responsibilities such as nanny, driver, chef, family doctor, etc. actually \”does nothing.\” Mothers whose emotions have been suppressed for a long time are prone to postpartum depression or chronic fatigue syndrome. They are prone to vent their emotions on their children and fall into despair about life. Try letting go of being a lazy mom. Share child care with your family to make it easier for you. At the same time, find an outlet for yourself to vent your emotions. You can give yourself a vacation, give your children and dad some alone time, and go out and see this beautiful world by yourself. 3 Let go of anxiety and embrace your past self. I read a short story. A mother once saw that her child had problems from head to toe. Later, after introspection, she discovered that the problem from head to toe was not the child, but the problem in the eyes of the parents. of myself. There is a concept of \”projection effect\” in psychology. Sometimes the children we see are not the children\’s true selves, but the us who have been scolded, blamed, and not seen by our parents. Let go of the anxiety in your heart, embrace the self that was once invisible to your parents, and believe that your children will have their own growth rhythm and wisdom. 4. Once you lose control of your emotions, remember to apologize to your children. Stefanie Sun mentioned in an interview that she occasionally loses control of her emotions and yells at her son, but she will immediately apologize to her son afterwards and explain to him the reason for her temper. She said: \”After yelling and not explaining, the child will only be afraid, not in a state of understanding.\” Faced with the pressure of life, there will always be times when you can\’t control yourself. Once you lose control of your emotions and get angry with your children, remember to calm down and talk to them as soon as possible. The child apologizes and explains why. In this way, the child will understand: When mom gets angry at me, it\’s not because \”mom doesn\’t love me\”, but \”mom doesn\’t like what I do.\” Image source: Bi Shumin, the writer of \”The Four Hundred Blows\”, wrote in \”Family Questions\”: One flower and one world, one family and one universe. When a baby comes into the world, his family is the pupa shell that surrounds him. If the home is full of healthy pollen of love, he will suck it and use the word love to build his own hearing and smell perception, gradually turning it into a little candied fruit in his heart. The mother\’s positive and happy emotions will turn into pollen that condenses all the love in the world, allowing the child to brew the sweetest preserves. With this sweetness in mind, children will be more confident to see the world.