The conflict between parents and children begins with the rules parents set for their children

Parents especially like to set rules for their children when educating them, especially when it comes to children playing with mobile phones. Parents are especially good at setting rules. For example, parents will make an agreement with their children to play for half an hour and one hour every day. However, I will find that such rules do not work. Children do not abide by them even if they are set. Often, if you do not remind them, the children will not put down their mobile phones at all, or even Say, you have reminded your children many times, but they are still unwilling to let go, and sometimes they still play secretly, such as hiding in the toilet or under the quilt to prevent you from discovering it, and playing secretly. Is this how most children behave? This is unacceptable from the parents\’ point of view, because they think that we have already said that you must abide by the rules, but if you don\’t, then of course the parents will be easily disappointed, and of course they will easily get angry. It can be said that conflicts between parents and children often originate from rules. With rules, children are likely to violate them, and parents have to educate them, but children don\’t listen or even follow them, so conflicts arise. If there were no rules, there would be no possibility for children to violate them, and there would be no need for parents to educate them, and there would be no conflicts. Obviously, conflicts between parents and children will affect the parent-child relationship and be detrimental to parents’ education. Some parents may ask, shouldn\’t we set rules for our children and let them go completely? This is obviously inappropriate. We live in this world, and there are some rules that we need to abide by. The simplest example is that when you cross the road, you must obey the rules and watch the traffic lights, otherwise you will get yourself into trouble. Therefore, rules still need to be formulated, but parents need to change their understanding of the implementation of the rules. Rules don\’t mean that you must abide by them once they are formulated. This requires a process. Many parents have a stereotype about rules and believe that if they are set, they must be followed. If they are not followed, why are they set? It is precisely based on this understanding that when parents see their children breaking the rules, they become particularly angry and easily get angry. But parents must realize one problem, that is, children are human beings, and it takes a process for them to master, understand, and abide by the rules. It’s impossible to tell your child the rules and your child will immediately follow them. Children are not robots. It’s not like you input a program and they can do it immediately. If you set a rule and the child can do it immediately, then education will be simple. You can just set various rules for her. Do you still need to worry about education? Not just children, but even you, can you do it? Give you a rule and you do it immediately? This is unrealistic and does not comply with objective laws. The normal situation is that the child slowly does better and better. After setting the rules, he could not do it once in ten times. Now he can do it once or twice, and then slowly do it three or four times. Finally, you can do it 8 or 9 times. This is the normal development trajectory and the correct education. But now you are asking your children to go from being unable to do it most of the time to being able to do it 100% of the time. How is this possible? Your idea that children should be able to follow the rules is wrong.It goes against objective laws, so is it normal for children to not be able to do this? What is abnormal is you. Your requirements for your children are very unreasonable. Your children will definitely fail, and they will definitely be criticized by you. Your criticisms and accusations will only dampen your children\’s enthusiasm for obeying the rules. They will hate your rules even more and will violate them in both ways. Isn’t that what children do when they play with mobile phones? Although the rules are set, they have one thing on the surface and another behind the scenes. It seems that he is complying, but in fact he is secretly playing behind his back. Only if you let him truly accept the rules and get more sense of accomplishment from obeying the rules can he be more willing to abide by the rules.