The cruelest truth about family education: You can never teach children beyond your own knowledge

The most difficult obstacle for a child to overcome is his parents. Liu Zhenyun, a low-cognition writer, wrote such an intriguing story in \”One Sentence is Worth Ten Thousand Sentences\”. Because there is a fee to go to school in the city, Lao Yang, a tofu seller, does not want his two sons, Yang Baishun and Yang Baili, to continue studying. Lao Yang just wanted his son to be an apprentice and make tofu at home, because in his understanding, if his son improved his skills through studying and became a clerk, he would not take him seriously as a father. Once, after Lao Yang chatted with his friend Lao Ma, he felt that what Lao Ma said made sense, and then changed his mind. The reason was that after going to school and becoming a clerk, selling tofu would be more valuable than other people\’s tofu. Lao Yang was worried that his bright second son Yang Baishun would stop selling tofu when he went to school, so he planned to send only his stupid younger son Yang Baili to school. In order to succeed in his plan and prevent Yang Baishun from causing trouble, he also colluded with his younger son Yang Baili and wrote two \”no\” notes, asking Yang Baishun to draw lots first. This seemed fair, but in fact, he was secretly cheating. In less than a month, the incident of going to school was revealed, and Yang Baishun and Lao Yang had a falling out. In order to appease his second son, Lao Yang promised to give his second son a commission from the tofu sold in the future, so that his son could save money to start a family and marry a wife as soon as possible. It\’s so pathetic, ridiculous and infuriating. Due to Lao Yang\’s own cognitive limitations, he not only failed to help his children during their growth, but also hindered their development, just to make the children obey his words. On the road to education, we are most afraid that some ignorant and confident parents will use their short-sighted vision to dictate their children\’s lives. If parents stubbornly believe that \”why do girls read so many books?\”, then it is not surprising that their children will make eye-popping remarks such as \”Even if I don\’t go to college, I will still be able to get married well in the future.\” If children are restricted at all times, children raised in this way will only be timid and pursue stability in everything. They will easily miss many opportunities in both study and life, and they will lose the vitality and creativity that teenagers should have. If parents are utilitarian-oriented, interfere with their children\’s social choices, exclude their children from interacting with \”students with poor grades\”, and say to their children, \”You don\’t help your child even though her grades are so good, she doesn\’t take you seriously at all.\” Transmitting prejudiced thoughts at all times will only cause cognitive confusion in children\’s interpersonal relationships and is not conducive to the development of children\’s sound characters. Parents\’ toxic education methods such as persecution education, guilt education, and \”money theory\” will sow the seeds of low self-esteem and sensitivity in children\’s hearts, making them more autistic as they grow up, and prone to mental illness. An article in \”Psychology Today\” magazine wrote: It is difficult for children who are mentally poor to turn over. Because they lack recognition and support from their families, they often lose their \”sense of relaxation\”, always feel that their future is bleak, often have self-doubt, are extremely anxious, and are full of uncertainty about the future. The narrow ideas and concepts instilled by parents on a daily basis will also limit their growth. When a child is accustomed to drawing a wall, it will be difficult for him to achieve success. I very much agree with a sentence in \”Cognitive Breakthrough\”: \”The true meaning of poverty is that parents can never give their children things that they themselves do not have. In addition to cars and houses, they also have thinking, cognition and structure.\” You know, material things Poverty can only fetter children for a while, but spiritual poverty is like aAn invisible rope binds the child\’s future, trapping the child in a tight space for a long time, making it difficult for him to break free and walk with difficulty. In the movie \”Girl Genius\”, a mother controls all her daughter\’s social entertainment and automatically blocks her daughter\’s pain in order to train her to be a mathematician. This mother stubbornly believes that if she wants to succeed, she must endure these hardships. In the end, the daughter couldn\’t bear her mother\’s thought control and committed suicide in revenge. But the mother still hasn\’t awakened and plans to continue using this method to control her granddaughter. The heaviest shackles for a family are not lack of money or low social status, but being trapped in the cage of cognitive poverty without knowing it. The most difficult hurdle for a child to overcome is not the deterioration of his grades or the divorce of his parents, but the high wall built by his parents\’ low cognition. The pattern of parents determines the outcome of a child\’s life. It is written in the book \”Parents Are Children\’s Best Toys\”: \”What kind of person a child will become in the future often depends on the level of family the child receives during his early growth. Education. The height of your parents will play a big role, and this height definitely does not refer to your parents’ academic qualifications and financial resources, but to your vision, attitude, mind, and your continuous hard work, dedication and progress. \”I can\’t help but. Think of Yu Minhong and Dong Yuhui, who were born in rural areas. It can be said that Yu Minhong was admitted to Peking University under the encouragement of his mother. After failing the first time, he gave up and returned to the countryside to farm, but his mother did not give up; the second time, his mother forced him into the school to be a substitute teacher. Teaching English to junior high school students, this experience prompted him to take the college entrance examination again; the third time was when his mother heard that there was a college entrance examination training class in the county, so she went to the county alone and searched for three days and nights before she found the teacher of the training class and came back At that time, there was a heavy rain and I fell into the ditch several times and was covered in mud. The embarrassed look of his mother at that time became the most direct motivation for Yu Minhong to study. He worked hard for a year and finally got admitted to Peking University. Dong Yuhui also comes from a poor family. His mother borrowed money to pay for his tuition. After graduating from college, he wavered between two high-paying jobs. His father\’s words, \”Real work should be work that creates value\” shattered his confusion. , pointing out the direction for his career choice. Two people from the same poor background have broadened their lives under the guidance of their parents. To a certain extent, the parents\’ vision determines the boundaries of their children\’s life. Satya, the master of family therapy, said: \”A person\’s personality traits, outlook on life, spiritual character, way of thinking, and living habits are all deeply influenced by his or her family of origin. In our various thoughts and behaviors as adults, they are all influenced by their family of origin. You can see the same face as your parents. \”Children absorb the most and most profound part of you, which shapes their attitude and thinking mode in dealing with others. From daily life to important life decisions, every word and deed of parents affects their children\’s way of thinking and destiny. Parents who are open-minded often encourage their children to try new things and explore unknown areas, so as to cultivate their children\’s innovative spirit and critical thinking. When encountering problems, they will first let their children think independently, actively solve problems, and be brave enough to take risks. When there are differences of opinion with children, they will not act as superiors to suppress their children, but will listen carefully to their children\’s ideas and respect their choices. Therefore, children who grow up in this kind of family environment are often more confident, they know how to express themselves boldly, and their creativity and competitiveness will be better than their peers. Zhong Fangrong, a girl who insisted on studying archeology four years ago, was judged by netizens across the country. Most people felt that her family\’s conditions were too poor and she should apply for \”one-size-fits-all\” majors such as normal school, finance, and computer science. Four years later, she gave a speech as the representative of the archeology graduates of Peking University, and with an interview score of 92.4, she entered a public institution directly under the Gansu Provincial Cultural Relics Bureau. The position she applied for was only available to one person in the country. No matter then or now, her parents will always be her staunch supporters. They always believe that their children can do whatever they like, regardless of what others say. Although her parents, who have been working abroad all year round, are unable to stay with their daughter for a long time due to life constraints, they have given their daughter unlimited acceptance and understanding. On the contrary, Zhang Xinyang, a prodigy from Peking University, was admitted to Beihang University at the age of 16 and became a doctor. Originally holding a good hand, who would have thought that due to three attempts from his parents, he had no choice but to lie down. Even netizens couldn\’t help complaining: \”The Zhang family\’s ancestral graves smoked three times, but they were covered tightly by their parents.\” . \”The \”daughter of a poor family\” used her extraordinary ambition to break through the limitations of the bottom and the occlusion, and changed her fate against the will of heaven; but the \”proud son of heaven\” could not resist the will of her parents, and fell dimly into the altar. Her glory was like a flash in the pan, fleeting. The real gap in family education is actually a gap opened by parents’ pattern and cognition. There are high and low patterns, good and bad cognitions, and the results vary widely. Children spend their entire lives paying for their parents\’ cognition. It makes people sigh: the pattern of parents determines the outcome of a child\’s life. The best investment for a family: Only when parents improve their knowledge and cultivate the pattern can they truly support their children. There is a picture that divides parents into four levels. Parents who are willing to change for their children are at the top of the pyramid, while parents who only satisfy their children with material things and are simply willing to spend money for their children are at the bottom. In reality, we can always see that many parents spend a lot of money to enroll their children in tutoring classes and require their children to read a lot of books. But I never leave my mobile phone or mahjong table. I rarely read to recharge my batteries, understand the changes of the times, embrace children\’s ideas, and update my educational concepts and methods. The biggest joke in education is that a group of parents who don’t study want their children to study well, and a group of parents who don’t study are working hard to raise children. As children\’s lifelong teachers, parents must first open up the world, continue to receive education, and consciously improve their educational awareness, so that their children can open the window to the future world. If you want to make changes but have no direction, you might as well try the following three points first: 1. Continue learning and maintain reading habits. Parents should establish the concept of lifelong learning and continue to learn through reading books, participating in courses, online learning, etc. Expand your knowledge. Scholarly families raise scholarly children. The father of Wu Yishu, a talented girl from Tsinghua University, turns off his phone after get off work just to study with his children. When we envy “other people’s children,” we must also consider whether we have become “other people’s parents” in the eyes of our children. You might as well take a look at yoursIn the background of the mobile application, you can understand how much time you spend on your mobile phone every day. As long as you spend half of the time on your mobile phone reading, I believe your child will fall in love with reading and writing. There is no need to sign up for a writing class for your child. In addition to reading classics, you can also read these high-scoring book lists in your spare time: 2. Stay curious and cultivate diversified thinking models. Parents’ single-minded imitation will only make their children’s future path narrower and narrower. Parents do not set limits, always remain curious, and pay attention to emerging things and trends. Only then can children stay away from cognitive biases and better cope with complex and ever-changing social environments. Parents can take their children to participate in various cultural, artistic, sports and other activities during the holidays, go to universities, museums, science and technology museums, art galleries, take their children to set up stalls, and interact with people in different fields with their children; they can also accompany their children to watch nature, Historical documentaries and educational cartoons and films enrich the world view. 3. Stabilize your mentality and let your children feel the warmth and care of the family. Education should start with love, so that children can grow up with encouragement. Faced with the pressure in life and work, parents can find ways to relax that suit them, such as exercise, meditation or communicating with relatives, to avoid beating and scolding their children driven by negative emotions. When children make mistakes, as adults, we should guide them to recognize their mistakes and correct them with an understanding and tolerant attitude, rather than simply criticizing and blaming. Know how to listen to children\’s thoughts and feelings and encourage them to express their opinions and emotions. Through communication, parents can better understand their children\’s needs and provide timely support and guidance. Finally, I would like to share something with you: Education is not a clearance game, but a distant lighthouse. This lighthouse is what his parents\’ knowledge can give him, a positive and correct attitude towards life, a bird\’s-eye view of the world, and a methodology that penetrates the underlying logic. All of this is based on the unconditional love of his parents. Base. Light up the [Like] at the end of the article, I hope we can all become such parents and encourage each other!