The education that determines a child\’s life lies in the parents\’ mouth

Before my son went to junior high school, I heard many people say to me: \”I envy you that you have an old man to help you take care of your children!\” Yes, for \”dual-career\” families who are both working hard in the workplace, the old man can help with transportation and care. It is such a blessing for children to learn. However, I didn’t realize at the time that I needed my children and me to repay for my laziness. My parents-in-law are retired primary school teachers, and my husband and I feel relieved to leave our son to them. In the placement test for the first grade of junior high school, the school divided classes into Z-shaped parallel classes based on scores. However, my son’s student number was 01 for boys, which showed that he did well in that test. At that time, I also took a \”reassurance\”: because he started learning early, he would In addition, my grandparents are strict about learning and discipline, so my son’s learning foundation is quite good. But by the second year of junior high school, my son\’s academic performance began to slowly decline. I learned privately from the class teacher that my son\’s ranking has declined rapidly, not only to the middle level in the class, but also to the lower middle level in grade. What made me most angry was that the head teacher reported to me that he often copied homework from his classmates. I realized the seriousness of the problem: my son was gradually becoming a \”bad student\”! The father of the child basically comes home around 9pm every night, and I usually don’t come back until after dinner at work. But after learning about my son\’s learning status from that time with the class teacher, I decided not to work overtime anymore, get off work at the same time every day, have dinner with my son, and then learn more about the reasons for the child\’s regression. After dinner at 7pm, I find that my son often sits in front of his desk in a daze. When I asked him why he was lingering and why he didn\’t write quickly, he wrote a few words slowly. I asked him again why he stopped writing, and he complained that the homework was too difficult. I took it over and looked at it. It was a basic congruence proof. You didn’t even need to add auxiliary lines. Why can’t you do such a simple thing? Seeing him either in a daze or not thinking, I was so angry that my blood pressure soared. Not only was I struggling to do my homework at home, but my state at school was also worrying. At the parent-teacher conference after the middle term of the second grade of junior high school, the teacher told me that my son was not very motivated to study, was not paying attention in class, seemed to have no interest in learning, and seemed to have no interest in anything. He asked me to pay attention to his adolescence. of mental health. I was so ashamed that I went home and settled old and new accounts with him: I failed math in the second grade of junior high school. What do you think? If this continues, do you still want to take the high school entrance examination? ! My son stared at me angrily with tears in his eyes, as if he were looking at an enemy: Anyway, you never thought I was good! They say I\’m not clever and slow to react. In the eyes of my grandparents, I can\’t do anything well. Now you\’re saying the same thing about me! Seeing my son\’s collapse, I was shocked: I didn\’t expect my son to have such a low opinion of me! 100% zero-yelling parents’ experience on how to educate their children well.mobi After I calmed down, I had a patient communication with my son. My son told me that he was just a stupid kid. He was not as talented or as smart as anyone in the class: \”I just can\’t learn a lot of things and my IQ is not high enough.\” I was very puzzled and asked him why he thought of me that way. ? \”My grandparents often say that about me.\” SonHead down, moody. After getting to know him in detail, I realized that it was his parents-in-law’s educational philosophy and speaking habits that had cast a psychological shadow on him. When my parents-in-law were primary school teachers, they followed the traditional \”percussive\” education and always managed the children in the class obediently. So they mainly said harsh words to their grandson, constantly belittling and suppressing him: The son made a mistake, \”Look at you, and then look at others.\” The son didn\’t understand, \”Oh, this kid is stupid, he\’s like you.\” Dad was far behind when he was a kid!\” His son got a perfect score on the test, \”There is nothing to be proud of, don\’t raise your tail! How many people in your class got 100 on the test? Ah, so many, this shows that the perfect score is not worth anything… I don\’t know when it started, my son Define myself: In fact, you are right, I just can’t do anything. The child is so self-defeating, and the mother will not be happy no matter what. But I also understand that the child’s problems are not caused in a day or two, they are a bit accumulated and difficult to recover from. There is little knowledge in elementary school, the difficulty level is low, and there is no ranking in the exam. The teacher basically praises every child, so I don’t think there is anything abnormal about my son’s learning. My son was promoted from elementary school to junior high school and assigned to an ordinary junior high school, divided into classes. I did well in the exam, and I was happy for a long time. I went home after dinner as usual every day. When I got home, my son would do his homework with the door closed and wouldn’t talk to me. We often couldn’t say more than two words in a night. I really regret this. I discovered the problem late! It’s useless to complain about my parents-in-law, and it’s useless to regret that I was lazy. I have to do something for my son. My son in junior high school no longer needs his parents-in-law to pick him up and drop him off. After discussing with my husband, I let my parents-in-law go back to their own home to enjoy their own time. Life. And I changed my job and focused on my family and my son. I got up early every day to make breakfast and dinner every night, three dishes and one soup. I asked my husband to take the work home to cook, and then every day we were a family of three. Have dinner together. Watch variety shows while eating, chatting and commenting. Every dinner basically lasts for an hour. You may say that it takes too long to finish the meal, right? However, after a month of doing this, I can clearly feel that the smile on my son’s face has increased, and he no longer closes the door even when he goes into the house to study. In order to better help my son catch up with his study progress, I began to read books and articles about family education, hoping that through my Education and guidance can help his son get out of the nightmare of \”low self-evaluation.\” I quickly understood a truth during my studies: a parent who is stingy in praising his children will definitely make the children unable to praise them. Adults speak to What a child says, whether it is praise or criticism, will form a \”set\” in the child\’s psychology and be reflected in his subsequent actions. When a child grows up, there will always be many moments when he makes mistakes and is disobedient. A child who is often humiliated and suppressed will have a bad temper, self-exile, and a negative and pessimistic view of things. Some parents use \”percussive education\” to motivate their children, which will only destroy the child\’s self-esteem and have the opposite effect. Philosopher James said: “The essence of human nature is the desire to appreciate, especially children. Appreciation can make children grow into towering trees, and belittling can make children grow into towering trees.Withered and deformed. Therefore, parents’ criticism or praise will greatly affect the child’s emotions and behavior. If parents always like to belittle and deny their children, it will cause the children to have low self-esteem and low self-esteem, and think that they are no good or bad. , loses the motivation to work hard to become better. The most important thing for children to learn is internal drive. A child who has lost internal drive feels numb to his parents’ education and criticism. He will not feel ashamed at all and will naturally learn less. It gets worse and worse. Parents\’ expectations, trust and love can add fuel to the child\’s growth and change, and even become the key to the child\’s success. A child who continues to receive positive expectations will never have an end to his growth. Consciousness When I see that my parents-in-law’s wrong education methods have caused so much harm to my son, I have no right to blame my parents-in-law. I can only regret that I didn’t spend more time with my children. Now when I meet my colleagues whose parents-in-law are raising children, I always advise them, If you can\’t let the elderly take care of the children, don\’t let the elderly take care of the children. Unless the elderly only care about the children\’s eating, drinking and grooming, the parents must take care of their education, leisure and growth. Children should worry more when they are young and worry less after the age of 18. Children\’s Education Experts once said: Good children are made through praise. How to praise requires skills. ▼ Compared with praising a child\’s intelligence, praising a child\’s hard work can better stimulate the child\’s internal drive to learn. Praise Being smart will make children feel that the results achieved by doing something well or learning a subject well are due to their own talents and are not under their control. If they switch to a field in which they have no talent, or if the difficulty increases, it will make the children worried. They failed because of lack of talent and chose to give up. Children who are praised for their hard work will think that as long as they work hard enough, they will continue to make progress and achieve results, so they are more willing to accept challenges. ▼ When praising, be specific. Pay attention to details. The more specific the praise and the more attention to details, it is equivalent to pointing out the direction for the child to work hard. For example, when the child writes a good composition, don\’t just say \”very well written\” or \”awesome\”. Encourage, but point out details: “This sentence is very realistic and makes the whole article come alive. \”There\’s not a single wrong question. You\’re very serious!\” \”In this way, the children will gradually understand which aspects to improve will make the whole thing better. ▼ Give your children unconditional love. The fairy tale king Zheng Yuanjie once said: What parents must not do to their children is to belittle them. Every child is unique , have different abilities and preferences. If parents compare their children\’s shortcomings with others, the blow will be there forever. Acknowledge this difference and help your children cultivate their strengths and make up for their shortcomings. When faced with a child’s temporary lagging behind, don’t rush to blame, but provide tolerance and acceptance to the child. Unconditional love from parents will give the child a huge sense of security, making him full of confidence and daring to challenge. With every effort, his potential will expand. Be fully developed and develop in a positive direction. When your child feels loved and trusted, miracles will soon appear in front of you. After spending more than two months with your son and praising him, my son’s changes have surpassed mine.expectations. Continuous encouragement gave him confidence. He no longer believed that he was a good-for-nothing \”stupid kid\”, but firmly believed that he could do better if he made a little progress every day. After this final exam, I asked the class teacher about my son’s ranking. The class teacher praised his son for his great progress. Not only did he complete the final review homework very well and correct his mistakes in a timely manner, but his grades were also ranked in the middle of the grade. At noon on the day of winter vacation, I asked for leave to pick up my son from school. He excitedly said to me: \”Mom, my overall evaluation in all subjects is excellent, and I was rated as one of the three best students!\” I will never forget his expression of joy at that moment. As a mother, what could be more satisfying than seeing your children happy and making progress? My efforts finally helped my son regain his confidence, and I will continue to do so for another five years. Before he goes to college, I will cook for him every day and stay with him every night.