The failure of family education starts from disrespecting children

His friend\’s mother came to visit him in the city where he worked. He was very happy and delighted. He took his girlfriend of two years to have dinner with her mother. As soon as they met, his mother pulled him to the kitchen and said, I let you Your aunt has found a blind date for you. He also works in this city. I heard that he is an alumnus of your high school and he is quite cheerful. Why don\’t you leave a WeChat message to chat. At that time, my friend\’s mind was in a mess, and he was thinking, What\’s wrong with my girlfriend? Arrange a blind date for me as soon as we meet. Isn\’t this a clear sign that you want me to break up? I heard from friends that he was very unhappy that day. Although his mother cooked him a lot of his favorite dishes, what he was thinking about was that he was already 25 years old and his mother had never respected him. Opinion. I don’t know how many children, like my friend, are still treated as children in the eyes of their mothers when they reach the age of adults. I also don’t know how many mothers, when they reach the age when they should quit, they still pretend to love you for you. In the name of good things, he possesses the children arrogantly. Love is the most perfect starting point, but in some people you will never see traces of love, but instead it is more hurt and helpless. Many parents always use adult thinking to arbitrarily choose everything for their children, but never ask whether they like it or not. The moment you don\’t respect your child, you will not get respect from your child. I remember when I was in high school, there were many students with artistic talents in the class. Seeing that they were good at singing, dancing, writing and painting, they seemed like stars in the class. By chance, I chatted with a classmate. He played piano from elementary school to high school and had reached a level where he could participate in provincial and municipal competitions. However, I could never see the happiness and freedom he wanted in his eyes. It’s even sad to say that even though I can participate in competitions and even though I have won so many trophies, in fact I don’t like playing the piano at all. I have wanted to play basketball since I was a child, but my mother said that learning piano has a future, and I can get extra points in the college entrance examination in the future. But it is really painful for me. I watch other students running and shouting on the basketball court, but I can’t even play basketball until now. Never touched it. The classmate looked at the people coming and going on the basketball court downstairs, and he was really not happy at all. Sanmao, who was also disgusted with family education since childhood, once said that most Chinese parents regard their children as their lifeblood and the extension and continuation of their own lives. They hope that their unfulfilled ideals and glory in their lives will be reflected in their children. realized on the body. They even believe that 100% of their life experience can be transferred to educate the next generation. They also believe that children must unconditionally obey their parents and cannot resist, which creates pressure. Love has never been a tool to bind a child\’s mind or control a child\’s soul. If it were, I would rather not have such love. Around me, I have seen and heard many parents saying \”I am doing this for your own good\” all day long, even using it to stabilize their position as a parent on the moral high ground. Then, many people\’s living environment becomes With this look, I heard my mother say that this school is not good. She should find a school with foreign teachers. According to my mother, it may not be easy to find a job after graduating from this major. Listen to your mother, don’t do that outsideWhy go home and take the civil service exam if you are tired? Listen to your mother, if you are single all the time, you can just get married and make do. I believe these words are familiar to every friend. They are like a curse on the head of Sun Wukong, which affects children\’s thinking and choices all the time. However, most parents choose to never tire of reciting them. When we are studying, when we are employed, when we are in love, when we are facing marriage, we actually have no way to avoid the impact of the most brutal \”love\” from our original family. Wang Shuo discussed Chinese-style family education with his daughter in his book \”A Letter to My Daughter\”: I feel that Chinese family relationships are not normal. Children bear so many obligations, and parents desperately demand their children. What is winning at the starting line? I particularly hate this saying, training children to be a money-making machine is called success. On the surface, it is for the good of the child, but in fact, it is because I want to have a supporter in the future, and ruthlessly deprives the child of the happiness of childhood. This is an inverted, inverted human nature. This is not loving children, so there will be such strange logic, that is, if I am good for you, I can hit you, if I love you, I will hit you. Love is the purest and most beautiful crystallization of emotion, but once it crosses the boundaries of freedom and equality, love can really only become a thorn between parents and children. I remember a recent debate topic in \”Qi Pa Shuo\” was \”Parents have one button to customize their children\’s perfect life. Do you want to press it?\” What moved me most was what Tsai Kangyong said: What can be customized is industrial products, what cannot be customized is artwork. In fact, children are also completely independent individuals. Blindly \”doing it for your own good\” will restrict the child\’s original nature and freedom, and in the end will bring more pain and conflict. The root of many human sufferings is the hope for a relationship. Too deep\”, but they actually ignored that there is actually a kind of love called letting go. Exupery said in his book \”The Little Prince\”: Only children understand what they are looking for. How many parents today really Do you understand what your children want, but have you ever really respected their opinions and ideas, or have you even given your children the most basic privacy space? I have seen too many parents force their children because of their own face issues. Marry someone you don’t like. I have also seen too many parents who interfere in their children’s love and marriage and are very domineering. How can such parents get the respect of their children? Qu Xiaoxiao once said that parents are the most disrespectful people in the world. There is no more reasonable creature than this. Parents love their children for far-reaching reasons. In addition to providing their children with life and material satisfaction, a pair of responsible parents should also give them spiritual guidance and encouragement. , let them grow up in an environment of self-confidence and self-respect, instead of blind indulgence and control. This way will either raise a giant baby or a weak child. Good parents can give their children a sky where they can fly freely. . Bad parents will only try to break the wings of their children flying into the sky. The truly successful love of parents is to let the children separate from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible. The sooner this separation, the better your life will be. The more successful they are. The encounter between parents and children is always accidental and random. No one canNo one wants to choose to grow up in a slum, even if they choose to be born into a wealthy family. God has given every child infinite abilities and wisdom. As long as their parents accompany them to grow up and let them go early, they will be strong and beautiful enough. The most terrifying thing is that the self-righteous love of parents often becomes the most painful fetters for children to fly high. The Lebanese poet Gibran once wrote a poetic and practical statement in the poem \”The Prophet\”: Your children are not actually your children. They are the children born of life\’s desire for itself. They came to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, but not your thoughts, because they have their own thoughts. What you can shelter is their bodies, but not their souls, because their souls belong to tomorrow, a tomorrow that you cannot reach in your dreams. You can try your best to become like them, but don\’t let them become like you, because life will not retreat or stay in the past. You are the bow, and your children are the arrows that shoot out from you. I don’t know how many parents in today’s modern life let their children live a life they don’t want to live and do things they don’t want to do in the name of “being good for you” and “loving you.” I only know that this group of children will not be happy in the future, let alone whether they will be happy. Even the children of this group of children will suffer in the near future from the inescapable thinking patterns and concepts of their original families. In fact, sometimes true love is always like spring breeze turning into rain and rain turning into fields. It always moisturizes people\’s hearts silently and in subtle ways. Yoshichi Shimada told his childhood story in \”Saga\’s Super Grandma\”: A tofu buyer would deliberately crush a piece of tofu every day, saying it was broken, and then sell it to his poor grandmother at half price. Grandma said that true consideration and respect are invisible to others. It’s not that you shouldn’t let others know that you are kind to others, but that people who are kind and loving don’t actually mind whether others notice their kindness and kindness. Perhaps this is a way of expressing love that is truly worth learning from parents, without making any noise or flaunting it. Perhaps most parents have never thought that love actually requires consideration and respect. My parents went out to work since I was a child. I grew up in Wuhan before going to school, and studied in my hometown before the third grade. I studied alone in the county for six years of junior high school and high school. After graduating from high school, I went to university in Wuhan before returning to my parents. In the first eighteen years of my life, I often spent less time together with my parents and more time apart. All the loneliness and loneliness in my youth were borne and dealt with by one person. Therefore, this innate sense of alienation just gave me a new gain, that is, I can look at my parents from a position outside the original family of parents and children. They also gave me a lot of love, but the father and son and mother and son were separated for a long time. They had no idea about the children\’s inner thoughts and had no intention to care about them. They still want to use the original method of educating children to try to convince me, but they forget that I have grown up. Whenever conflicts arise, one can only use the most primitive thoughts and emotions to try to conquer the child.This obviously has no meaning or effect. Sometimes I always think of what Long Yingtai wrote to his children and himself in \”Watching Off\”: I slowly and slowly learned that the so-called father-daughter mother-son relationship just means that you and his Fate is that in this life, I will continue to watch his back fade away. You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: there is no need to chase him. Sometimes, our parents always want to help us do more things. In fact, we both understand that at the end of this life, one person will always leave first. We are used to too many gatherings and coexistences, but we never want to see separation and separation, birth, old age, illness and death, just like every state of life. When we respect this state, we can live with peace of mind and freedom. Liu Yu said in a letter to her daughter: When you grow up, if you want to be a Wall Street banker, then go for it, but if you just want to be a baker, that\’s fine too. If you want to go into politics, mom will support it as long as it\’s for the right reasons, but if you just want to be a zookeeper, that\’s fine too. In fact, every parent understands that one day their children will grow up and leave and have their own new life and thoughts. Don’t forget that your child’s future is not yours, but his own. This rare respect will lead to a better separation and reunion in the future. The so-called parents are those who are constantly looking at their backs with joy and sadness, who want to get back the hug but dare not say anything. We were cared for as children, and we will eventually grow up as parents. In the inheritance of emotions and blood from generation to generation, have we ever thought about what kind of love I should want, and how I should give my children the best love in the most gentle way. If there is such a peaceful and sincere way, I think it should be the respect between parents and children. I understand how difficult it is for you, and you understand my little emotions. I understand you a little bit, and you take care of me a little bit. If you love too much, it will be too sweet. If you love too little, you will appear cold and heartless. It is better to enter at the most appropriate time than to leave at the most appropriate time. Finally, I would like to use the words Liu Yu gave to her daughter to send to all the children in the world. May you have good luck. If not, may you learn compassion in misfortune. May you be loved by many people, and if not, may you learn tolerance in loneliness. May you sleep until you wake up naturally every day for the rest of your life.