The first mission of education is to cultivate mentally healthy citizens

A teacher in the international education field that I admire very much is Ms. Jiang Peirong. She is the chief interviewer for China at MIT and has published several educational books. In an article, she shared a true story. An Asian girl, with a perfect score on the SAT, the main member of the school swimming team, a good piano player, and a student leader, was admitted early to Harvard University, and later got a position in Hong Kong at the Boston Consulting Group, with an annual salary of 6 figures, and was discussing marriage with a doctor Marry… A sparkling resume makes many parents’ eyes shine. According to a certain logic, this girl has become an unquestionable winner in life. There is a sequel to the story. One month after her marriage, she committed suicide at the age of 30. In her new home in San Francisco, she connected plastic pipe to the car exhaust and stuffed it into the car window. She sat down as carbon monoxide filled the garage. Her husband found her when he came home from get off work, along with the last words on the dashboard. The desire for prestigious schools and high salaries is not the entire meaning of raising our children. People have different tolerances for high pressure and fast pace. Some people are suitable for it, but some people may not be good at it or like it. If a child is the seed of a willow tree and is watered according to the requirements of a cypress tree, is he using too much force and putting the cart before the horse? At the cost of his life? The story on the other side of the ocean is too far away, and the focus is drawn back to the country. When I was engaged in educational consulting, the biggest sigh came from parents who were full of panic about their children\’s future. The mother sat on the chair, talked about expectations, and then listed the N shortcomings of her child. He glared at the silent child with sharp eyes: \”Study hard. Otherwise, it will be ruined.\” The child put down the phone and raised an indifferent expression. As the first person responsible for learning, children should lead the research and search, what is the direction of future university, and what majors are I interested in? On the contrary, the mother took care of these matters and told the child that you are only responsible for studying. Even if the child holds his breath and plunges into the sea of ​​​​questions with all his strength, he does not know how closely such exploration is related to the meaning of life. Some children have strong personalities and appear rebellious in the eyes of their parents. The scolding that hit his face was blocked in his mind, and he continued to be immersed in the online virtual world. Teacher Chen Mo from the Psychological Counseling Center of East China Normal University said, why do children become rebellious? \”Rebellion is because you don\’t allow him to grow up. Rebellion involves \”hard resistance\”. If you say something, he will say something else. If you say you want to study for high school, he will tell you that you want to enter a vocational school. \”Soft resistance\” is more troublesome. If teachers and parents are \”incomparably powerful\”, the energy of children\’s resistance will be transferred inside, and all kinds of mental problems will emerge, leading to a high incidence of neurosis in children after the age of 15.\” I asked a beautiful sophomore girl who was admitted to a prestigious domestic school, What are your strengths? She looked at me blankly and said, \”I don\’t seem to have any merit. My mother said that because I was lazy, undisciplined, and lucky, I entered the ordinary 985 colleges, not Tsinghua or Fudan.\” When her children were admitted to prestigious schools, their mother still passed on the message Hidden thinking \”I don\’t believe you. You have many flaws.\” Long-term dissatisfaction has accumulated into a serious psychological load: extremely low self-evaluation and sense of self-worth. On the surface, the purpose of education has been achieved: a good school and a good major. In fact, my mother subconsciouslyRigid evaluation system: Use performance as a measurement indicator to help children achieve so-called goals. Extremely narrow thinking is no longer in line with the needs of the quietly changing times. A master of journalism who graduated from a top school in the United States wanted to find a satisfying job when he returned to his country. When he learned that his salary was not as high as that of his peers at domestic universities, he complained angrily: \”Why? It\’s not fair.\” When he said \”unfair\” like an aggrieved child, it just reflected his immature thinking. The era of artificial intelligence is coming, and the previous talent selection system is being innovated and subverted. It is applicable because of talent, not because of halo. Even if you graduate from Oxford or Harvard, if you don\’t maintain your desire and motivation for learning, you may \”fall into obscurity\”. But at the same time, the opportunities given by the times to the new generation are also unprecedented. In the future career, you can continue to improve and improve by advocating a lifestyle aesthetic diet, designing exquisite travel routes, teaching time management, speech and other knowledge areas, and becoming a professional diving instructor. These paths of exploration are indeed not as comfortable as a career for a lifetime twenty years ago. But the uncertainty of the future itself determines that people can no longer live forever. We learn to embrace and welcome uncertainty, which is the ability to adapt to social changes. Why have times changed, but many parents still have the backward mindset of only focusing on grades? Because he has not \”weaned\” his own psychological needs and has no stable values. He can only follow the crowd to define his children, success and happiness. In fact, this is just satisfying one\’s own subconscious needs through the children\’s achievements. Once parents are overwhelmed by the environment and lose their mentality, education will put the cart before the horse. Frequent matricide cases among adolescent children are often caused by a controlling mother who wants her children to succeed, coupled with confused, desperate, rebellious and crazy children, and the tragedy results. The first mission of education is no longer just about success, but about cultivating children who are mentally healthy and adaptable to changes. And where is the core of mental health? The \”Mental Health Education Tutorial\” published by People\’s Education Press clearly points out: Self-esteem is the core of mental health and is an individual\’s positive and positive evaluation, experience and attitude towards himself. When children are young and do not yet have a self-awareness system, parents are the first guides to help them establish \”positive and affirmative evaluations and experiences.\” When children fail, encourage them instead of blindly criticizing them; when children have poor academic performance or lack of interest, find out the reasons to improve motivation instead of bluntly suppressing them; \”positive affirmation\” does not mean empty praise of \”really awesome\” but comes from the heart. Respect, understand and inspire. A mentally healthy person will have the ability to self-understand and the desire to actively explore. Mental health is the foundation of various qualities and abilities: the ability to resist frustration; understanding the feelings of others; the ability to examine and think; keen insight; and lifelong learning ability. What is the premise of all this? It is the parent\’s self-growth. Don\’t impose unfulfilled psychological needs on the child; adjust the stubborn mindset, see what kind of sapling the child is, and give him plenty of sunshine, rain and dew nourishment. This way, the children will not be raised as another kind of saplings; they will not be forced toInstead of suppressing and weakening his self-esteem, he will grow up as he is and become what China will be like in the future: a new era citizen who is active, independent, and confidently expresses himself on the international stage.