The Germans’ “consequence education” left me stunned!

Last week I took Youyou to a music enlightenment class. As soon as I entered the hall door, I saw her good friend Renee also coming. I happily greeted her. Unexpectedly, Renee\’s mother shook her head and said, \”Renee doesn\’t want to go in.\” I persuaded Renee, \”Do you want to go in with Youyou? You two can keep each other company?\” Renee looked at me with disgust and said, \” No, no! I don’t want to go to music class, I want to go home!” I sent Yoyo into the music classroom and returned to the hall to wait. All the children had gone in, except Renee who was still outside. I thought her mother would take her home, but I didn\’t expect the two of them to sit there and not leave. Renee\’s mother began to explain: \”Renee can decide for herself whether she wants to come to music class. When I picked her up from kindergarten, I specifically asked her if she wanted to come to class. I asked her twice. She said yes, so I sent her here. After arriving, she changed her mind and said she didn\’t want to go, so what? She can choose not to enter the classroom, and then we will sit here for an hour, but we can\’t go home.\” \”Wow!\” I thought to myself, \” German mothers are so cruel!\” Seeing Renee sitting next to her mother with an accepting expression on her face, I knew that this child had long been accustomed to her mother doing what she said. She had no intention of bargaining and cheating, and was eating calmly. Another mother who was also waiting in the lobby spoke: \”I understand what you are doing. My daughter didn\’t want to change her clothes this morning. I asked her N times if she could change her clothes, but she kept saying no, and then I let her Wearing pajamas to go to kindergarten…\” As a result, several more mothers joined the conversation: \”Yes, yes, it\’s the same at my house. My children also wear pajamas to kindergarten.\” I was a little unbelievable when I heard this, and Yoyo also had mornings where she didn\’t want to. When changing clothes, I usually just force her down and quickly put on clothes. Is there anything else to discuss about changing clothes? I took the risk and asked in front of everyone: \”Well, can\’t you force the children to change clothes?\” Everyone frowned at me, as if no one had thought of using force. Renee\’s mother explained next to her: \”It\’s useless for me to force her. The more I force her, the less she wants to wear it. It\’s better to let her go to kindergarten in pajamas and experience the natural consequences.\” Later, Renee decided to go in on her own after staying in the hall for half an hour. Classroom. This German mother used her actions to teach her children what it means to \”walk the talk\” and \”bear the consequences.\” German law stipulates that children have the right to receive non-violent education. Corporal punishment, mental harm and any other degrading behavior are prohibited. Children cannot be beaten, scolded, or forced, so how do Germans discipline their children\’s behavior? Be consequent – is an attitude that Germans repeatedly emphasize when dealing with children. It is translated into Chinese as \”consequence education\”, that is, the consequences of the behavior itself are the best education for children, without external coercion or punishment. When the Germans implement \”consequence education\”, they really mean what they say and implement it to the end. When I pick up my children from a kindergarten in Germany, I sometimes see that some of them are not wearing hats when they are doing outdoor activities in winter.Or a scarf, some even without a coat. The answer given by the German teacher is: \”We will all put coats, hats and scarves on the children, but if the child resolutely refuses, then we can only let him go. Whether he is cold or not is his own feeling. If he feels cold, he will naturally think Wear it. If a child under the age of three really refuses to wear a hat or scarf, he cannot go out to play and can only stay indoors. Whether to wear a hat or stay indoors is up to the child.\” \”Then if the child wears a coat because he does not wear a hat or scarf, \”Are you sick from playing outside?\” I asked. \”That is also the natural consequence of his or her own choice. Children must learn to bear the consequences of their own actions. If they get sick this time, they will know to wear warm clothes when going out to play next time. We will clearly inform the children of the consequences of each choice when they make a choice. There will be corresponding consequences.\” There is no coercion, no excessive preaching, respecting children\’s choices, even if they are wrong choices, and allowing children to learn lessons from the consequences of their actions. This is the \”consequence education\” that Germans love to use. Germans are not afraid of their children making mistakes or taking detours. In their eyes, making mistakes, bearing consequences, summarizing experiences, and improving behaviors are the only way for children to explore and learn and continuously improve their self-understanding. Without this process, children will not learn to take responsibility for their own actions. Later, I also learned two tricks from the Germans and used them on Youyou, which was quite effective. Last year when we were at my mother-in-law\’s house at home and abroad, when it was time to drink milk, Yoyo always liked to go against her grandma and deliberately delayed it. She could only drink milk for half an hour! It seems that I drink milk not for myself, but for my grandma. Grandma tried all kinds of tricks to coax Yoyo to drink faster, but every time she was so tired that she peeled off a layer of skin… After we returned to Germany, I took out the German style and told Yoyo: \”Drinking milk is your own business. I won’t be like a grandma chasing you and begging you to drink. If you haven’t drank it after I washed my face, then I will drink it.” On the first day, when I saw the milk on the coffee table motionless, I Pretending to be calm, I said to Youyou: \”The milk is cold on the coffee table. If you don\’t drink it yet, it seems that you don\’t want to drink it anymore. I like drinking milk, so I\’ll drink it for you.\” I grumbled heartily. Drink the milk. The next day, it was the same situation again. I gritted my teeth and drank the baby\’s milk into my stomach. Yoyo cried, unable to believe that I drank her milk again. Although I feel sorry for my daughter who drank her milk, the essence of consequence education is to do what you say, adhere to principles, and let children experience the consequences in order to play an educational role. I could only comfort me: \”I\’m sorry, I know you want to drink milk very much now, but I reminded you in advance to drink it before I wash my face. It\’s already time to brush my teeth, so I can\’t drink it. If you want to drink it tomorrow, Just move faster.\” During milk time on the third day, Youyou was dawdling again. I reminded her: \”If you don\’t drink, I will drink!\” Just as she was about to make a gesture of holding the cup, she immediately ran over and grabbed the cup. , drank up the milk in big gulps! It took less than a week to stop the bad habits I had developed in China. From now on, Youyou no longer needs me to urge her to drink milk, because she knows that she drinks milk for herself, not for her mother.drink. If you wait too long, the milk will go into the mother\’s belly. Mom is no joke! Some people may confuse \”consequences\” with punishment. In fact, Germans do not advocate punishing children. The so-called \”consequence education\” is to allow children to experience the natural or logical consequences of their behavior, rather than artificially imposed punishment. In this way, children can understand the causal relationship between behavior and consequences and establish correct behavioral norms. Parental education should be carried out before the consequences occur, and gently and clearly tell the child the consequences of his or her behavior. And when the consequences occur, even if the parents don\’t say anything, the children have already experienced the \”punishment\” and know how to correct it. At this time, if we add fuel to the fire and say, \”Look, I told you earlier and you didn\’t listen, why would you bother me if I had known today?\”, it will trigger the child\’s rebellious psychology and put the child on the opposite side of us. It is the practice of a parent to calmly let children bear what they should bear and experience what they should experience. We must believe that children have the ability to learn and grow from mistakes and setbacks. Only if we believe it can children truly acquire this ability.