The \”golden nine years\” that determine a child\’s life, many parents regret seeing it too late

The famous American psychologist Marvin Marshall said: \”When the flowers we plant do not grow as well as we expected, we should not blame the flowers, but look for the reasons from our own planting and other aspects.\” The same is true for educating children. in this way. When a child\’s growth is not as good as we imagined, what we need to do is not to blame all the problems on the child, but to reflect on the mistakes in our education in a timely manner and correct them. Children grow in stages, and each stage has different psychological characteristics and parenting priorities. If we blindly teach today\’s children with yesterday\’s methods, we will deprive them of tomorrow. Only when parents understand these can they educate excellent children. 9-11 years old, primary school stage: grasping habits. There are no stupid children in the world, only children who are dragged down by \”laziness\”. A foreign behavioral expert once conducted such a survey: He found students from the fourth grade of elementary school to the third grade of high school. Thousands of children were tested in three aspects: knowledge, ability, and habits. The test results surprised him. As the grades increased, the children\’s knowledge scores and ability scores improved significantly, but the habit scores did not change much. From this, he concluded that the critical period for developing children\’s habits is in primary school, and grades four to six are the most important period for strengthening habits. At this stage, if children develop good habits, they will benefit immensely and be of long-term help in their future study and life. If there are still many bad habits, this is also the best time to correct them. If you miss them, the bad habits may be finalized. Krylov said: \”If talent is not beneficial to people, it will weaken day by day. If talent is controlled by laziness, then no matter how strong the ambition is, there will be no hope.\” Even if the child is smart, if he does not know how to control himself If you are lazy for a long time, you will only accumulate laziness and become stupid, sliding into the abyss of degradation. You know, developing good habits is difficult and requires countless efforts and persistence. The formation of bad habits is very simple. All it takes is a free child and a pair of indulgent parents. Educationist Mr. Ye Shengtao also said: \”The essence of education is to cultivate habits.\” Children\’s nature is to love to play. Without good habits, it will be difficult to face the attraction and temptation of the outside world. Parents with a long-term vision have already taught their children to do these three things and raise excellent and self-disciplined children. 1. Take the initiative to learn and develop good habits. Practice calligraphy frequently to improve the neatness of the paper; work carefully to ensure quality and quantity; be diligent in thinking and proactively seek knowledge when encountering problems; review regularly to consolidate the knowledge you have learned. 2. Love reading and broaden your cognitive scope. Children who like to read have richer vocabulary and stronger language expression skills. There is relatively more extracurricular time in primary school. Parents can use this time to take their children to the library, read with them, and help them develop reading habits. 3. Keep exercising to build a strong body. A healthy body is the prerequisite and foundation for completing all learning and life. Parents can take their children out more often, such as walking, playing ball, hiking, etc., to relieve their children\’s anxiety and stress and allow them to have more energy to devote to their studies. 12-14 years old, junior high school stage: Spend more time with adolescent children, who need their parents more than imagined. For many parents, oneWhen it comes to adolescent children, there are countless complaints: \”Sensitive, rebellious, difficult to manage, not communicating with parents, running away from home at every turn…\” But is this really the case? Is adolescence the root of all problems in children? No, education expert Chen Yu once said: \”Don\’t blame children\’s problems on \’adolescent rebellion\’. Not every child will be rebellious when he reaches adolescence. If his personal growth is not suppressed and his inner needs are fulfilled, In order to be fully satisfied, he has established a good communication mechanism with educators, so why does he need to be rebellious? \”I have read the story of a netizen on the Internet before. When he was in junior high school, he became obsessed with games. He often went to Internet cafes with his friends and played all night long. This caused him to lose energy in class during the day and his academic performance plummeted. His parents didn\’t know how to educate him, so they could only beat and scold him, trying to use their parents\’ authority to suppress him. But he was at his most rebellious in adolescence and hated his parents\’ suppressive education, so he always went against his parents. But suddenly one day, his parents no longer confronted him head-on. Instead, they cooked a meal and asked him to eat. They no longer talked about his studies at the dinner table, but only talked about the interesting things they had encountered recently. As time passed, he became uncomfortable with it. He ran to ask his mother, who said: \”I think the more I beat and scold you, the more rebellious you will be. I also thought about it, forget about the decline in grades, as long as you don\’t learn bad things.\” After that, he began to change. Because he felt the deep love of his parents hidden in this change. He doesn\’t want to give up on himself, he doesn\’t want to disappoint his parents, and he wants to make his parents proud. The book \”Decoding Adolescence\” writes: \”During adolescence, the mutations of the body and mind are like a violent storm. Every child who seems rebellious and unapproachable needs strong support from his parents.\” Even if they behave badly No matter how strong and cold you are, it\’s just a disguise. Every time they stay away, it\’s just to get closer. Parents must understand that adolescent children need their parents more than we think. Only if their parents give them enough patience, understanding and companionship can they win their hearts. Writer Rao Xueman said: \”Company is the best education for children, and education is just different forms of companionship.\” For adolescent children, only by doing these three things with them can parents help them get through this dangerous period. 1. Learn to control your emotions. Only those who can control their emotions can control their own lives. Parents should teach their children to face their own emotions, whether they are tired of studying, or negative emotions such as anxiety and depression, find the root cause of the emotions, and actively deal with and solve them. 2. Practice stress resistance. Although the pressure in junior high school is great, it is not as great as the college entrance examination. It is most appropriate to cultivate children\’s ability to withstand stress at this time, teaching them to face failure and not be afraid of challenges. As long as they work hard, even if they fail, it is still an achievement. 3. Know how to deal with emotions. It is normal for adolescents to have sexual feelings. If parents interfere too much, it will encourage children to fall in love early in order to resist their parents, which will affect their learning. Parents can have a good talk with their children, tell them the dangers of early love, and let them understand that the best relationship is when both parties work together to achieve the goal.If we can get admitted to the same university, it\’s not too late to talk about it. 15-17 years old, high school: Families that know how to let go but don’t know how to let go will not be able to raise promising children. There is a question on Zhihu: “What do you think of your parents’ behaviors that are ‘for your own good’?” There is a heartbreaking message at the bottom. The answer goes like this: \”When they kicked away my best friend because he didn\’t want to play with the bad kids, I lost my friendship; when they left me alone when I was a kid and left me in my hometown, they suddenly kicked me out of high school.\” When my grandparents took it away from me, I lost my family ties; I was like a puppet, being played with in their hands. If there is an afterlife, I hope I will never meet again. \”The philosopher Fromm said: \”If there is no respect. , love can easily degenerate into dominance and possession. \”It is difficult for children who grow up in such a controlling family to grow into positive and sunny children. They may look normal on the outside, but they are riddled with wounds on the inside. I read a case shared by a psychological counselor. The visitor was a high school girl who had climbed onto the school rooftop several times. Her parents brought her to counseling, and as soon as they sat down they started arguing about \”what is happiness.\” The parents\’ answer was: \”Having enough food and clothing is happiness.\” The girl collapsed immediately: \”No wonder you always say that I don\’t know how to be blessed despite being blessed. It turns out that this is your understanding, but that\’s not what I want. I just want you to treat me with equal respect.\” After she finished speaking, her parents asked directly: \”How do we not respect you? We are very democratic. You can make your own decisions on everything. What else do you want?\” The girl said: \”You let me make the decision, but once it is not the result you want, you will persuade me to change. It is just in name, it is fake democracy.\” The child is an independent individual and has his own wishes. path, have the life you want. They are not tools for parents to realize their ideals, nor are they capital for parents to show off. Parents who don\’t know how to let go will never raise independent and outstanding children. Parents who truly respect their children should give them advice, explain the pros and cons to them, and support their choices. When Yi Zhongtian\’s daughter was in her third year of high school, she asked him what major she should choose in the future. He did not answer directly, but told his daughter: \”Although I am a doctoral supervisor, you must learn to make your own choices.\” Even if his daughter asked, he did not give a specific result, just said: \”My opinion is the \’Four Basic Principles\’ And the \’three-dimensional coordinate system\’. The \’four basic principles\’ are the principle of interest, the principle of advantage, the principle of creation, and the principle of interests. The \’three-dimensional coordinate system\’ is the X-axis – city, the Y-axis – school, and the Z-axis – major. By referring to these and combining them with your possible test scores, you can find the best combination.\” In the end, based on his suggestions and her actual situation, my daughter chose the design major of Tongji University. Writer Anna Quindlen said: \”The most successful love of parents is not to keep their children by their side, but to cultivate their children\’s independence and let go of their children.\” Only parents who do not love their children want to control their children and tie them up. Around yourself. Parents who truly love their children have done these three things of letting go and giving their children space for freedom. 1. Let the child goYou choose for yourself. Parents can take their children to visit university campuses, learn about the various majors at the university, and make suggestions, but do not give results. Allowing children to set goals based on their own interests can also mobilize their enthusiasm for learning and make them willing to actively learn for the goals. 2. Let children try and make mistakes boldly. Life is so long, it doesn’t matter if you are wrong. It is not scary for children to make mistakes. It is because they are exploring the world and understanding themselves. It is a process of continuous learning and self-improvement. Teaching children to face mistakes correctly is what parents should do. 3. Let the child survive independently. The relationship between children and parents will eventually grow apart. The best love a parent can give a child is not to protect him from wind and rain, but to teach him the ability to survive independently, including basic laundry, cooking, etc., as well as communicating with others and how to behave. Let him live a good life after leaving his parents. There is a passage in \”Kafka on the Shore\”: \”A child is like a sapling, and the family environment is the water for watering. If the water quality is too poor, the sapling will not only fail to become a towering tree, but will also die.\” Educate children It is a long-term process. Not only do children need to grow, but parents also need to continue to improve themselves. The greatest luck for a child is to have parents who are willing to change for them. Light up \”Like\” and hope that all parents can seize these \”golden nine years\”, accompany their children to grow up with heart, and jointly create a better future.