The impact of doting parenting style on children

Recently I watched the animated short film \”Giant Baby\”. It\’s ironic, depressing, but also true. The male protagonist is a \”giant baby\”. Half naked, he yelled \”Mom\”, and then his mother helped him put on his clothes. I am particularly cruel and love reading the review. A Jewish mother’s story of raising a worldly wealthy godson in ultra-clear pdf also made her do it by shaving her beard. All the food is fed by the mother, and the \”giant baby\” is only responsible for playing games. As for dad, apart from being responsible for paying, it seems that everything in the house has nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, one day my father was in a car accident and died. The only breadwinner of the family collapsed. Before long, the family was in trouble. The mother had no choice but to start selling furniture to meet the daily needs of the \”giant baby\”. At this time, the \”giant baby\” saw a VR product on TV and shouted: \”Mom, buy me this!\” But this time, the mother shook her head helplessly. In an instant, the scene suddenly jumped to more than ten years ago. The giant baby is not a giant baby yet, just a little kid. As soon as he sees something new on TV, he points his finger and calls out \”Mom\”, and then his mother will definitely satisfy him. No matter how expensive it is, or whether it’s reasonable or not. At that time, my father was still the same, he was always only responsible for paying. However, after more than ten years, the father left, but the little child was still a \”little kid\”. \”Giant Baby\” threw the remote control and expressed his anger because he didn\’t buy the new VR product. At this time, the mother hummed a nursery rhyme, hoping to still calm her son\’s emotions in this way. But the reaction of \”Giant Baby\” can be imagined. The mother sighed, inserted her hand into her body, then took out the bloody kidney and brought it to her son. When the \”giant baby\” saw it, he was overjoyed and immediately exchanged it for money for fun. But not long after, the money gained from the kidney was also lost. He touched his rumbling belly and wanted to call his mother, but found that his mother had already died. He turned the house upside down but couldn\’t find anything to fill his stomach. In the end, the \”giant baby\” couldn\’t bear the torture of hunger, opened the mother\’s wound, crawled back into her belly, and became a baby again. This is really a work of imagination. It nakedly presents a phenomenon: spoiling not only destroys children, but also destroys oneself. However, I am not here to discuss with you today whether \”pampering\” is right or not. After all, \”spoiling\” is already the education method that everyone calls beating. The problem is, since we all know that spoiling is bad, why do so many parents still flock to it? In a nutshell: \”Pampering\” is the psychological needs of parents, not the growth needs of children. In fact, everyone has an \”inner child\” living in their subconscious. How parents treat their children in the real world basically depends on the outward projection of the \”inner child.\” If a mother\’s \”inner child\” is abundant and full of love, then she will naturally see her child\’s true needs and give them. If this \”inner child\” lacks love and is quite deficient in some aspects, then she will completely project this \”deficient part\” onto the children in the real world. for example. For example, you were often abused and neglected as a child. This unfortunate childhood formed your \”inner love-deficient child.\” Later, you became a mother.When you see your child, you feel a desire to give, and you want to help him complete everything. You feel that no amount of love is enough – this is the so-called \”spoiling\”. You will have a strong sense of sacrifice: Oh my God, I am such a great mother! In fact, they are all just to satisfy their \”inner love-hungry child\”. Li Xue shared her childhood experience. As a child, her mother doted on her. Fan Deng Reading Club\’s Five Compulsory Courses in Family Education for New Parents [Video + Audio] Of course, this is what relatives and neighbors said, not her true feelings. Because at that time, every time she wanted to wash the clothes by herself, her mother would say: \”You can\’t wash them clean and you are wasting water, so I should wash them for you together.\” When we went shopping together in the supermarket, she had almost picked out the clothes, and her mother said He stuffed her with a bunch of expensive snacks. When her mother was sick, she tried to care, but the response she got was: \”It\’s okay, study comes first, you can go and read.\” But if she really went to read, her mother would nag again: \”She is really a white-eyed wolf. Later, Li Xue discovered that her mother was actually extremely lacking in love, so she sacrificed herself to oversatisfy her daughter. And this kind of blind giving also indirectly satisfies the mother\’s \”inner lack of love\”. As for the child’s real experience? There is only bondage, no love. Children who are spoiled and children who are not loved are actually the same in nature – they have not received real love. We feel that being pampered must be a very happy thing. actually not. It\’s just a parent\’s game – lonely self-sacrifice. After children are swallowed up by this kind of \”fake love\”, they will tend to two extremes. One is to become a \”family vampire.\” For example, the giant baby at the beginning of the article. In fact, any child will naturally desire free will and spiritual independence. But his mother didn\’t want him to have that. The mother may be sad at the conscious level, but the voice in her subconscious is: The baby cannot leave me, so I will always give and enjoy the great sense of sacrifice forever! In the end, the child has not even formed a basic will, so he naturally has no determination in doing things, and he has no sense of shame when he becomes a vampire. The other is controlled by doting and living into a \”tangled body of love and hate.\” In fact, more people have become like this. Any love is utilitarian. Not to mention doting, its hidden ultimate purpose is to control the children and act according to the parents\’ wishes. For example, forcing marriage and childbirth, such as having a hand in everything. As for children, most of them choose to obey – after all, their parents have paid so much and they feel so guilty. This is clearly demonstrated by Mommy’s Boy. Their mantra is: \”It\’s not easy for my mother to raise me! Can\’t you be more filial to her?\” In fact, Ma Baonan is very painful inside. He both loves and hates his mother. Love mostly comes from guilt. Hate because of his mother\’s control and his desire to be free. Zeng Qifeng also wrote about something. A mother chases her child to feed her. Zeng Qifeng said: \”The child is so big that my mother no longer needs to feed it.\” \”My child is picky about food, so I don\’t feed him. I\’m really afraid that he will starve.\” \”Don\’t worry, if any species doesn\’t even know how to eat when hungry, it will be extinct long ago. Yes.\” After several persuasion, thisMom decided to give it a try. Sure enough, within a month, the child was not only able to eat on his own, but was not picky about food, could taste everything, and felt like he was finally liberated. But at this time, my mother showed a trace of anxiety and felt something was wrong. See, this is playing the sacrifice game of \”satisfying yourself\”. Being immersed in this great sense of sacrifice, it is natural to fail to see the child\’s desire for independent will. The most direct way for parents to get out of the dilemma of \”satisfying themselves\” is to observe outwardly and be aware inwardly. Look outward: What are the children’s real needs? What kind of growth experience does he want? It’s still Li Xue’s words, “Love is as he is, not as you wish.” Inward awareness: Compare your own childhood with your child\’s present, and ask yourself: \”Who am I satisfying? When I buy a lot of toys, do I want it or does my child want it?\” Only by distinguishing Only through these can you truly see what a child is thinking and feeling. And seeing is the prerequisite for all true love.