The importance of fathers in children’s growth cannot be ignored

I once heard an interesting metaphor: A family is a Journey to the West. The child is Tang Seng, and he is protected by everyone all the way. My mother is Sun Wukong, and she takes great care of everything. And what about dad? It\’s Zhu Bajie, who usually can only take care of himself and never spends time with his children. Only when the monkey is away will the old pig be forced to go into battle and take care of the children in a hurry. In fact, this is not just a joke, but also a true portrayal of today\’s families. In family education, the mother is solely responsible for most children\’s eating, drinking, and drinking, and the father can feel at ease as the hands-off shopkeeper. In fact, the most taboo thing in educating children is: the father is absent and the mother is omnipotent. 90% of children\’s shortcomings in life are due to the absence of father\’s love. Painter Liu Yong said that many fathers have no hands in their children\’s paintings. Why? Because in the child\’s memory, his father is like a shadow that he can never catch. The survey report of the \”White Paper on Family Parent-Child Companion\” shows that only 12.6% of families have fathers who spend more time with their children. It has to be said that in family education, the lack of father\’s companionship has become the norm. There is a clip in \”Youth Talk\” that impressed me deeply. A 7-year-old girl stood on the stage and cried to her father: \”Dad, you work in Beijing and only come back once a month, so I miss you very much.\” . Can you go home and work? What I like most is that you are all by my side.\” Facing his daughter\’s call for love, his father\’s face was full of indifference: \”My mother and I have agreed that we will divide the work and cooperate, and my mother will accompany me. When you were a child, I was waiting for you to go to college in Beijing, and I will accompany you every day.\” When the girl heard her father\’s words, her face was filled with disappointment. She bit her lips tightly, stubbornly not letting tears fall. . This father will never know that at that moment, his daughter\’s heart felt like an ice cellar. Psychologists\’ surveys have found that children who do not receive enough care from their fathers are prone to anxiety, loneliness, low self-esteem, and even aggression and rebellion. These are called father-deficient syndromes. The absence of a father will cause irreparable harm to the growth of the child. CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring documentaries. In the hit drama \”Children of the Qiao Family\”, which exploded with self-discipline addiction, the children watched. The father, Qiao Zuwang, is an employee of a state-owned enterprise. He drinks, gambles and enjoys life in his free time. Even after his wife died in childbirth, he still went his own way and ignored his five young children. Several children in the family were often bullied because they lacked their father\’s care since they were young, and they all have varying degrees of character flaws. After adulthood, each of the children\’s marriages was unhappy in its own way, and 4 out of 5 of them were divorced. Psychologist Hu Shenzhi pointed out: 90% of life\’s shortcomings stem from the absence of father\’s love. If the father is absent, for a boy, he will lose the power of role model, become inferior and rebellious, and even affect his future career development; for a girl, she will lose her sense of security, become unconfident, and affect future intimate relationships. If a child lacks father\’s love when growing up, it is easy to develop character defects and affect his life\’s happiness. The mother cuts off the child\’s wings in all aspects. If the \”absent father\” destroys the child\’s ability to obtain happiness, then the \”all-round care\” mother completely deprives the child of independence and leads toRipe opportunity. In \”The Boy Who Opened His Heart\”, an 8-year-old boy named He Yike revealed himself at the beginning: \”My parents love me very much. I don\’t have to do anything at home. My parents do it for me.\” It turns out that everything from cooking, feeding, wiping mouth, packing school bags to brushing teeth and tying shoelaces is all done by mother for He Yike. So much so that as an 8-year-old child, he could even drink yogurt and spill it all over himself. Yi Ke\’s father is very worried and feels that it is time for his children to learn to be independent, but his mother thinks that \”there is no need to deliberately learn it, it will come naturally when the time comes.\” I have seen many mothers around me who especially like to do everything for their children. Worrying about every detail in life for the children, taking care of everything for fear that the children will be tired; as a result, the children they raise will be lazy and incapable of taking care of themselves when they are young, and will grow up to be giant babies with no merits. In the hit drama \”The Lost Child\”, Yuan Wu grew up under the full protection of her mother since she was a child. When he was in school, his mother stayed with him for two months near the school, washing his clothes and cleaning his dormitory every day. When he had trouble making friends in college, his mother would help him analyze who he should talk to about what topics, who he should be distant from and who he should be close to; even when he was going on a blind date and proposing, her mother would help him rehearse in advance for fear that he would make mistakes. He had long been accustomed to maternal love in every detail, until his mother passed away and his world suddenly collapsed. He was fired from his job and started gambling to escape reality. Even after his father passed away, he hid his father\’s body just to continue to claim his father\’s pension. In this way, he gradually changed from a high-spirited and proud man to a middle-aged waste. There is a kind of mother who loves her children more than anyone else and wants her children to succeed in the future more than anyone else. However, the way they express their love is to give infinitely and take care of everything. In the end, they personally cut off the children\’s wings as they soared into the sky. It is a mother\’s nature to love and pay for her children. But the mother\’s all-round care and removal of all obstacles in the child\’s growth will only make him weaker and weaker, and he will never be able to grow up. The best family education is when parents perform their own duties. We often think about how to give our children the best education and enroll in the most expensive cram school? Or buy a house in the most expensive school district? But in fact, we forget the most important thing, parents are the best teachers, and teaching by example is the best education. The best family education is never about how successful the parents are or how much money and resources they give to their children, but about the reasonable division of labor between husband and wife and each performing his or her own duties. The most important thing is that the father\’s love is never absent and he provides his children with high-quality companionship. Guo Jingjing once mentioned her husband Huo Qigang in an interview: \”He runs outside every day and is very busy.\” However, what makes her happy is that even if he is so busy, Huo Qigang will still try his best to find time to spend time with his children. He would play with his children on weekends and take them to libraries and museums. During normal working hours, even if there is only an hour\’s free time, he will rush home to see his children, paint with them, and go for a walk. On Mother\’s Day this year, the couple took their three children to go hiking together to spend this special day together. Many fathers are busy with work, but even if it only takes 10 minutes a day, as long as they do it wholeheartedly, they can let their children feel love and care.Attention is effective companionship. A father\’s attentive company can bring endless strength to his children, making them sunny, confident and brave. As a father, you must be aware of your educational responsibilities. Be sure to remember: the way home from get off work should be the way home, and spending more time with your children is more important than anything else. Secondly, maternal love is not offside and allows children to learn to be independent. Mother\’s love is warm and selfless. But in the process of children\’s growth, the most difficult thing about being a mother is never how much love you give to your children; it is to ensure that maternal love does not go overboard and let the children separate from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible. The earlier this separation occurs, the more successful you will be. When they are 3 years old, they withdraw from the dining table and let the children eat by themselves; when they are 5 and 6 years old, they withdraw from the bedroom and let the children sleep by themselves; when they are 10 years old, they withdraw from private space and leave privacy for their children; when they are 13 years old, they withdraw from housework so that children can learn to take care of themselves; when they are 18 years old, they withdraw from the decision-making process and let children learn to take care of themselves. The child chooses for himself. You know, maternal love is not just giving, but also helping children grow into independent people. A truly wise mother should not only accompany her children to grow up and provide them with sufficient intimacy, but also know how to separate from their children at the right time. Parents perform their own duties, and education \”makes an alliance\”. Writer Liu Jirong once told his own personal experience. After her son was born, because of various mistakes made by her \”pig teammates\” in raising the baby, she decided to take care of all the care of the baby by herself, and her son was used to looking for his mother for everything. But as my son grew up day by day, his personality became a little introverted and timid. Later, she began to encourage her husband to take part in raising the baby, letting him take his son for walks alone and to have fun at the resort. It didn’t take long for my son to no longer be afraid of the dark, afraid of insects, and cry every time because of trivial things. Instead, he became more and more brave and strong. Mothers must fully recognize the important role of fathers in the growth of their children. Tell dad that a child’s growth cannot be without his father’s attention. Because what dad gives us is calcium, iron, and zinc, which are indispensable nutrients in life, and these cannot be replaced by mothers. A child\’s growth is a beautiful ceremony time after time, and both father and mother are the most important people in his life. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: There is no magic formula for children\’s growth. There is only a stable and healthy soil provided by responsible parents. Wrapped in this soil is the complete and healthy love of parents. Don\’t wait for the child to become indifferent before the father regrets not being there attentively. Don\’t wait until the child turns into a \”giant baby\” before the mother regrets not letting go earlier. Family education is never the responsibility of one party, but a \”collusion\” of love between both parents. Like it, parents support each other and create a warm harbor for their children.