The invisible father is the sinner who misleads his daughter throughout her life

One night last week, classmate Xiao Xi finished her homework at 8:30, earlier than usual. She was very happy and asked me to accompany her for a run in the community. Because my blood lipids and blood sugar have been high recently, I really need to exercise, so I was very moved. But my sister Xiaonuo had to wash her hair and take a bath, and then she had to blow dry her hair and tell stories to lull her to sleep. I asked Nuoxi\’s father to choose between bathing my sister or running with her. In more than ten years, he had never bathed his child, let alone washed his hair, so he decisively chose to run with him. However, my sister refused to accompany her father because her father\’s running speed did not match hers, the songs he played were particularly unpleasant, and he kept criticizing (pointing out) her own running rhythm. In short, if her father accompanied her, she would not run away. I had no choice but to give instructions to Nuo Xi\’s father: peel her off and throw her in the bathtub to soak. I\’ll come back later to wash her hair. My sister also took the initiative and said, \”Dad, I know how to give me a bath. I will teach you. It\’s very simple.\” When I got home after running around 9 o\’clock, I was shocked: my sister was soaking in the tub, but she couldn\’t keep warm. The light was not turned on, the clothes to change were not found from the closet, the bath towel was not taken to the bathroom, and the slippers were not yet known… Her father really just threw the baby in to soak. I quickly packed up the things I needed, took off my shoes and socks, rolled up my sleeves, and prepared to wash my sister\’s hair, only to find that she had run out of shampoo and the new one was still in the cabinet. I asked the baby\’s father to get some shampoo and shouted at the top of his lungs several times before he came. It turned out that he was already lying on the bed with his cell phone in his arms. I was a little unhappy: I have so many things to do, why can you just lie in bed? He was very cooperative and asked me which cabinet the shampoo was in. After searching for a while, he came back and said he couldn\’t find it, and asked me what the shampoo looked like. I was even more unhappy: the child is four and a half years old, and he doesn’t even know her shampoo. What kind of father is this? Finally, I got my sister out of the bathroom, then blew her hair, warmed her milk, urged her to drink milk, brush her teeth, and go to bed. Then she told stories and sang her to sleep. In between, she alternately urged her to brush her teeth, wash her hair, and take a shower. Light on bed. By the time everything was settled, it was already past ten o\’clock, and Nuo Xi\’s father had probably fallen asleep. It took my tenacious will to hold on and not fall asleep with my sister, and my even stronger will to climb out of the warm bed, go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the next day, and finally sit in front of the computer to type and handle the business. Number of chores. When it was almost twelve o\’clock, I finally lay down exhausted, and fell asleep as soon as I touched the pillow. At around 2 o\’clock in the morning, when I was sleeping in the dark, I heard the child\’s voice calling mother, and struggled to wake up. It turned out that my sister, who had just slept in a separate room, woke up in the middle of the night and was scared. Her small room is separated from ours by a living room. I wanted to pretend I didn\’t hear it and prayed in my heart that the child would change his name to daddy, but the prayer didn\’t work. I had no choice but to crawl out of bed again, rush to the child\’s room, pat and coax her a few times, and then she slipped away quietly when she seemed to be asleep. Nuoxi\’s father asked me why I didn\’t sleep with my sister, but I ignored him! I also don’t want to think about how uncomfortable it would be for my child and me to be squeezed together because the quilt of my child is only 1.35 meters tall. Every movement would make my back feel drafty. And her small bed would look very crowded if she put two quilts on it. Besides, IWhat\’s the point of staying with her all the time and sleeping in separate rooms? I lay down with my ears raised, worried that the child was not asleep. Sure enough, she called me again! Why does she always call me dad instead of dad? By the time I got into my bed shivering with cold again, I was too sad and angry to sleep, and started thinking wildly. Every night from eight o\’clock to ten o\’clock is the busiest time of the day for me. The big homework needs to be checked (mostly when the baby\’s father works overtime), and the little one needs to wash up and go to bed. As a public account dog, if I haven\’t finished my work during the day, I still have to code and edit the manuscript at this time, hoping to send it out before everyone falls asleep. Sometimes the baby\’s father comes home after working overtime at around 9 o\’clock, and he can quickly wash up and go to bed. The two lively children have nothing to do with him. Is this really justified? Last winter, a high school classmate went to Shanghai on a business trip and had dinner together. Since we were a family of four, the topic quickly turned to children. This male classmate has a seven-year-old daughter and is very knowledgeable when it comes to raising children. He said that on weekdays, he would wash and bathe the children and tell them stories to put them to sleep. Then when it comes to housework, this classmate is also experienced. He said that he is responsible for buying groceries and cooking after get off work every day. After hearing this, I felt very sad and glanced at Nuo Xi’s father several times: These are all classmates and come from rural areas. Why is there such a big difference? Later I learned that the wife of a male classmate was from the city and was not good at housework, so the classmate became a master of the hall and kitchen. I can\’t help but imagine that if Nuo Xi\’s father had found a wife in the city, like the classmates and colleagues I know, who strictly required sharing of housework, would he still be like this and \”know nothing\” now? Can he still work overtime at will? Can he still be a nearly invisible dad? Will he wear an apron every day to wash and cook, and roll up his sleeves to wash and bathe his baby? Although I can hardly imagine that, I know it is entirely possible for him to become like that. Many years ago, there was a female colleague with whom I had a close relationship. She was the absolute queen at home. She never did housework and strictly kept her hands open for food and clothing. She once said to me sincerely: \”As for who does housework, it means who can endure it better. If you don\’t want to wash the dishes, and he doesn\’t want to wash them, then don\’t wash them. Whoever can\’t bear it first will wash them.\” In this way, Nuo Xi’s father did not become an expert at housework because I was completely delayed! In the village where I lived when I was a child, in every family, women did the housework and the men did the manual labor (in fact, women also helped with most of the farm work), and our family was no exception. Growing up, I never saw my father washing clothes or washing dishes. The total number of times he cooked would not exceed ten times, and it was always when my mother was sick (when we were older, my mother Even if I am sick or not at home, my sister or I will cook.) Our family is a typical family with a strict father and a loving mother. Dad almost never talks \”nonsense\” or chats with the children. Mom takes care of all the daily life of our three siblings. \”Men don\’t do housework\” is a deep-rooted understanding that I have been hearing since I was a child. It was not until later that I learned the term \”gender equality.\” Then I left my hometown and met women who did not do housework, and then I realized that men can and should help with housework. After getting married, of course I hope to grow oldThe public can share housework, but this \”hope\” is not so strong that it is \”necessary\”. The most unfortunate thing is that the environment in which my husband grew up was exactly the same as mine. Maybe intellectually, he understands that men should help with housework and taking care of children, but subconsciously he still feels that this is what women should do. My colleague couldn\’t bear that her husband didn\’t do housework or take care of the children, so her husband was trained by her. I could bear it, so Nuoxi\’s father became \”invisible\” easily. When we are in love, we may take the initiative to do many things for each other without any hesitation. However, the daily relationship after marriage is more like a game between two people: if you take a step forward, he will take a step back, and if he is harsh, you will be soft. If your bottom line is clear, he will strictly abide by it. If you do everything, he will naturally cross the line easily. We all know that the influence of one\’s family of origin is very large, and in some aspects it is even lifelong. For example, even if I am middle-aged, even if my living environment is completely different from that of my mother, when I encounter problems that cannot be solved, I still can\’t help but recall or imagine: \”What would my mother do if she encountered this kind of situation?\” Then use this as a reference or reference for behavior. I was chatting with a friend once and talked about her children throwing away toys. She said that one day she reminded her husband and daughter to put the dirty clothes in the basin next to the washing machine instead of piling them in the bathroom for her to collect. Her daughter, who is already in college, asked back: \”Mom, isn\’t this what you should do?\” You see, the daughter has already acquiesced that this is the job that her mother should do, because she has never seen her father do it. If she becomes a mother in the future, she will naturally include these household chores within her scope of obligations. Russian children\’s research experts believe: \”Girls need to learn a lot from their parents, especially their mothers. It can be said that a girl\’s entire childhood is spent in \’imitation practice\’ of her mother.\” Ba Jin, a famous literary master, said that mothers As \”my first husband\”, her mother taught her to love everyone, whether they were rich or poor. He said: \”Because I received love and got to know love, I know how to give love to others. It is the word \’love\’ that connects me to this society. This is the foundation of my whole character.\” It can be seen that my mother importance to a person\’s growth. Therefore, those families where the father is \”invisible\” all day long and the mother is hardworking and uncomplaining set a bad example for the children. Boys from such families are likely to be \”invisible dads\” when they grow up; girls are more tolerant of \”invisible dads\”, so they have to work hard all their lives! From this perspective, the invisible father is a sinner who misleads his daughter throughout her life!