The joke you make casually may make your child feel inferior for life.

I remember that for a while, every time I posted photos of my two children on WeChat Moments, I was afraid to see my mother’s comments. Because her comments are almost all in this style: Maotou, why are you so bad? Guoguo, you can’t be fat anymore! The double chin is out! These two kids look really alike, and their eyes are so small. Although my mother often praises them for being cute, she always seems to be looking for opportunities to complain about their looks. This seems to be a way for her to express her love, which is hidden. It means that although you are ugly, grandma still likes you very much. If I ask her: Our children are obviously very good-looking! Why do you always say they don’t look good? Her reaction was as if I had told a joke, and she replied to me: She looks good, and her small eyes and flat nose are also good-looking! With such a mother who focuses on harming her children for fun, you will know why I grew up to be a person with deep self-esteem. I have been very aware of the shortcomings of my appearance since I was a child, because my mother would constantly tell me that my face is too round, my eyes are too small, my nose is flat, my chin is small, my teeth are irregular, my skin is yellow and black, and the back of my head is too big, by the way. , and fat. In my mother’s words, I inherited it through her and my father’s shortcomings. But actually I looked like this when I was a kid: Now I think it looks pretty good, at least it can still be considered \”cute\”! But my mother doesn\’t even give me the word \”cute\”. Whenever I wear a new dress or a new headdress, feel good about myself, and then ask my mother if I am cute, my mother They will say, yes, as long as your eyes are bigger, your nose is higher, your face is smaller, and your skin is whiter… you will be very cute! I still remember clearly that one time I saw other children wearing beautiful floral skirts made of colored wool. I asked my mother for it. My mother said that those kind of skirts were worn by pretty girls like XXX. You She wouldn\’t look good wearing a skirt like this. I have always wanted to grow my hair long and wear braids. My mother would find my long hair very troublesome, so she always insisted on cutting it short for me. She said that braids would look weird with my head shape, so it would be better to cut it short. wash. All in all, throughout my childhood, my mother sent me a message almost all the time: you don’t look good, you don’t need to dress up, and even if you dress up, you still don’t look good. This kind of understanding has caused me to have a low opinion of my appearance since I was a child. I don\’t even like to look in the mirror because I hate my appearance and figure and cannot face such a flawed self. I don\’t dare to go on stage to speak or perform, because I feel that I don\’t look good so I should stop being embarrassed. I don’t like to meet strangers because I feel that since they don’t know me well, they will definitely dislike me when they see my appearance. I don’t have much interest in dressing myself up, because I feel like I won’t look good even if I dress up. There was a time when I forced myself to dress up and put on makeup, but when I looked in the mirror, I always felt like I was trying to imitate myself. I even feel guilty about letting my emotions out because I think I look uglier when I cry. Even after I became an adult, I had close friends and lovers who helped me get to know myself again. I knew intellectually that my appearance was not that ugly, but I would always look ugly.I have an inexplicable guilty conscience for no reason, and I always have huge psychological pressure on things like showing up in public and dealing with strangers. Although I can overcome it, it is still a state that makes me feel very uncomfortable, so I can always hide. Just hide. I think I may never be able to be that kind of person that I have always envied, who is always confident, energetic and powerful. Although I can make up for it in other aspects, my lack of confidence is not enough for my life. It is indeed a limitation. I really don’t want my kids to fall into the same limitations that I did. In my second anniversary article a few days ago, I said that in reality I am a person with somewhat low self-esteem. Many readers left messages in the background asking, since you feel inferior, how can you cultivate your children\’s self-confidence? I think the first thing to do to cultivate self-confidence in young babies is to let them identify with their own body and like their own appearance. If a child hates the way he or she looks, where does the confidence come from? The nature of every child is almighty narcissism. They are born to feel that they are the best, the best, and the most worthy of love, and they hope that the people closest to them will recognize their feelings. But the child came naked and alone, and everything he had was given by his parents. He did not have knowledge, ability, personality charm or other things to prove himself. The only thing that belonged to him was this body. Only when a child recognizes that his body is beautiful and good will he feel that others have enough reasons to like and love him. If a child always receives some negative feedback and thinks his body is ugly and disgusting, even if his parents love him enough, he will always assume that new environments and unfamiliar people are malicious to him. Always timid and timid. In the end, this initial feeling in childhood will become a deep imprint that is indelible. Even if you achieve success in other areas as an adult, you will still deny yourself for no reason and always feel that you are not worthy of being liked. If someone likes you, then It\’s not worth it either. Sooner or later the other person will change their mind because they are not good enough. We always say that \”appearance comes from the heart\”. A person\’s mentality actually has a great impact on appearance. A confident person will have a distinctive look. When you truly believe that you are beautiful, you will really getting more pretty. If you lack self-confidence, don\’t believe that you are beautiful, and always look sad, you will really become less and less beautiful. Even if you have undergone plastic surgery and you are objectively beautiful, when you look in the mirror, you will only see those trivial flaws and still feel ugly. This is why some people are addicted to plastic surgery, because no matter how they do it, they still look ugly. If you are not satisfied, the problem is not in your face, but in your heart. Therefore, no matter whether your child is ugly or handsome, as his parents, you should not make any objective evaluation. You must always be your child\’s biggest fan and tell him in various ways every day that you are the most beautiful and cutest child I have ever seen, and every corner of you is perfect! Mom and dad will always love you very much! That\’s how convincing it is, right? If you were born badly and I still love you, wouldn’t love turn into charity and mercy? Someone may want to ask, if a child thinks he is good-looking, he is too arrogant.What should I do if I am proud and act recklessly? But, are there really people who commit crimes based on their beauty? I heard that people with good looks will have better tempers, because the feedback around people with good looks is always kind and friendly, life is simple and happy, and of course they have good tempers! If a person really thinks that he is good-looking but has a bad temper and does whatever he wants, it must be because his parents paid too much attention to his appearance and forgot to teach him rules and neglected the cultivation of other characters. Appearance and education are two different things, so they can’t be confused! ? Someone may ask again, how to cultivate the self-confidence of young children in life? Chengzi is very experienced in this area. Basically, it’s just the reverse of what my mother did back then and it’s no problem: 1. Kiss your child’s little face at least once a day and tell him you are so beautiful and cute! 2. When your child laughs, tell him you smile so sweetly. When your child cries, don’t call him ugly. 3. Take beautiful photos of your children and enjoy them with them. While admiring them, you can say, \”Your actions are cute and your expressions are beautiful, blabla~~~\” 4. Dress your children in clothes that are decent, well-fitting, and designed to look good. 5. Design a hairstyle for your child that enhances his appearance, instead of just shaving his hair short. 6. When your child feels that he is beautiful and handsome, please echo and agree with his feelings. 7. When others compliment your child for being beautiful, please accept it calmly and teach your child to say thank you. 8. Never mention any small defects in your child\’s body or appearance. As long as you don\’t mention them, they won\’t exist in your child. 9. Children, regardless of whether they are boys or girls, are encouraged to dress themselves up according to their own ideas and maintain their own image. In this era of peace and prosperity, it has become a truth that \”appearance is justice\”, but do you still dare not praise your child for being beautiful? If you want a child who is confident, please face up to and acknowledge his beauty. Telling your child that you are good-looking actually means telling him that you deserve to be loved and cared for, and that you deserve the best of everything. I hope every child can like themselves in the mirror and be able to face the unknown with their heads held high.