The life experience of being a parent is actually to let yourself grow up

For the current backbone of the new generation born in the 80s and 90s, starting a family, starting a business and raising a child is a more difficult choice than previous generations of parents, because what we are facing is not just a turning point in life as it sounds, but we also have to endure material hardships. Regardless of whether they are already parents or not, most people still have a deep sense of unknown, doubt and powerlessness. Whether a person has a sense of responsibility and responsibility in marriage is often inseparable from his or her psychological maturity. \”What\’s Wrong with Kevin\” is a masterpiece of female pioneeringism. It presents the most real personal feelings about family, career and becoming a parent. It also allows us to see our true emotions and practical willingness when facing family life. Dangerous differences exist between admitted emotions. In this book, the heroine Eva narrates her entire process from marriage to pregnancy and childbirth to raising children. In her memories and reflections, we can see the spiritual transformation of a woman after she changes from an independent individual to a guardian. growth process. The author of this book, Lionel Shriver, is an American writer and journalist who writes features, columns, and book reviews for newspapers such as The Guardian, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist, and Marie Claire. He is also Frequent guest on TV and radio programs. \”What\’s Wrong with Kevin\” became a global bestseller as soon as it was published. There are currently 102 editions, and the topic has sparked heated discussions around the world. The film of the same name \”What\’s Wrong with Kevin\” became a nominee for the Palme d\’Or and the Golden Globe. Next, let us walk into the story written by the author. Black Thursday, this Thursday, Eva is sitting in the office busy as usual: in the eyes of outsiders, she is the founder of a well-known travel magazine, loves traveling, has a happy and wealthy family, and has two children. At this moment, she doesn\’t know that the next moment, she will face a huge change in her life. At a quarter past six in the afternoon, there was a commotion outside Eva\’s office. Colleagues gathered together and secretly calculated something. Eva thought there was some small talk and didn\’t think much about it. At this moment, Eva\’s colleague Ross opened the door and told her an unfortunate fact that happened at Gladstone High School where her son Kevin was. The news has been posted online, and the online news describes it like this: \”A shooting occurred at Gladstone High School, there may be casualties.\” Security guards saw a \”scene of massacre\” in the gymnasium, and the police were \”trying to get closer.\” Eva\’s mind went blank, and she drove to school in a panic. My son Kevin’s cell phone couldn’t be reached, and my husband’s cell phone was actually turned off! At home, the phone at home kept jumping to voice messages… She tried to think on the bright side of the matter and kept comforting herself that Kevin was not injured and had nothing to do with this incident. Eva finally arrived at school after an anxious traffic jam, only to see her son Kevin being pinned to the ground by the police and taken into a police car. This incident was called \”Black Thursday\” by the media and was widely reported. All the attention of the society was turned to Eva, followed by accusations, abuse and suspicion. This 15-year-old boy used the tone of the principal to send letters to 7 classmates and 1 teacher he had \”selected\”, and made an appointment with them in the school gymnasium in the name of awarding awards.Shooting them with one of his father Franklin\’s crossbows. The death toll in this incident was 11. In addition to a restaurant employee at the school, Kevin also killed two people, whose identities were revealed at the end of the story. After Black Thursday, Eva did not leave, but chose to rent a dilapidated small house in Gladstone that was in crisis. Because she wanted to be closer to where Kevin was being held so that she could visit him in prison. The outside of the house was sprinkled with red paint. In addition to cooking to pass the time, Eva would also carefully paint the paint on the outside of the house. Although she doesn\’t know when someone will knock on the door and tell her: You should go to hell. One time Eva went to the supermarket to buy food and met the mother of the murdered student who also came to buy food that day. Eva didn\’t dare to face it, so she put down her bag and the eggs she bought and ran away. When she thought she had escaped the other party\’s torture, she came back to take the bag and eggs and rushed to the counter to check out, only to find that the entire column of eggs was broken. The confused cashier asked Eva why she took such eggs, but Eva said nothing and bought the eggs with runny whites and took them away. At this time, a full year and a half has passed since the Black Thursday incident occurred. Parents who lost their children could not forgive Eva, and local people showed the greatest malice and indifference. Eva is like a mouse crossing the street. Everyone yells at her and bullies her. Just when she thinks she is lucky to have found a job, she is subjected to the humiliating pursuit of a male colleague. When Eva refuses to date this man Finally, the man pointed at her nose and cursed: What qualifications does a person like you have to pretend to be noble in front of me? Eva was numb to the pain before her, just like the salad she chewed every day, losing all feeling. She had no friends and no one to talk to. Eva doesn\’t understand why her world has become like this? Who is responsible for Kevin\’s actions? Kevin is born different. Is it because he is so cruel by nature? Or is she, a mother, sowing the consequences step by step? Eva began to sort out the life context of herself and Kevin. Before Black Thursday, she and her husband, Franklin, were discussing divorce. The reason for the divorce was also because of Kevin. Eva gave birth to a child amid contradictions. Before she met Franklin, Eva lived a life of a \”single aristocrat\”. However, while she was free and unrestrained in the world of life, she also faced pressure to get married and have children. Her friends all got married and had children and formed happy families. Eva gradually felt increasingly unbearable loneliness. The appearance of Franklin saved Eva from the embarrassing situation, and this man with good enough conditions thought of getting married at the same time as Eva. Franklin was so considerate and gentle. Although they met not long ago, the two of them quickly entered the marriage hall under the fermentation of love. But Eva was never ready to have a child, but she was already an advanced maternal age. The sooner she had a child, the less risk she would have. Otherwise, she and Franklin would never have children of their own in this life. Friends around her persuaded her: \”When you have a child, everything will be different…\” When Franklin sees other people\’s children, his eyes always flash with love and envy.Light. Finally, at the age of nearly 40, Eva welcomed the birth of Kevin. During her pregnancy, Eva\’s mood became restless due to the stimulation of progesterone. Every time she went to the hospital for a prenatal check-up, she had to undergo many procedures. These blood draws and tests had always tortured Eva\’s patience. The most unbearable thing for Eva was the embarrassment during the birth process: those postures that made women lose all dignity greatly affected Eva\’s self-esteem. She had no idea that giving birth to a child required so much pain. At this time, Franklin was in a busy period of business. Before Kevin went to kindergarten, Eva had to temporarily say goodbye to work and start a new life in order to take care of Kevin and take care of the house. She cut off the long hair she liked, put on cotton clothes worn by housewives, and spent a lot of time every day arranging Kevin\’s food, drinks and toiletries. However, the most troublesome thing for Eva is that Kevin always cries for no reason. She tried to pick Kevin up and put him to sleep, but Kevin wouldn\’t have it. Eva did not think that Kevin\’s endless crying might be due to hunger or thirst. She regarded Kevin\’s crying as a deliberate struggle. When Kevin cried incessantly on the street again, Eva pushed the stroller to a construction section and let the sound of the machine work cover up Kevin\’s crying to make herself more comfortable. One time, Franklin came home and wanted to hug Kevin, who was sleeping. The tired Eva immediately jumped up and asked Franklin to stop and shouted softly: \”Shhh!! Do you know how long it took me to get him to sleep?\” If he wakes up, I really don’t know what to do!” But Franklin still smiled and hugged Kevin and joked with Eva: “Look, he is so well-behaved and cute!” Troubled, as Kevin grew up, the confrontation between mother and son also intensified. Eva stubbornly believed that when Kevin yelled in his crib it was because he was furious rather than because he needed to be fed; when he completely destroyed the map on the wall of the study, it was completely malicious. Calculation rather than imagination is used in the wrong place… Ever since Kevin was born, Eva has had very little time to devote to running the company. The entire focus of her work is on her family and children. She sometimes develops ego I wonder, am I really living the life I want now? Also, why do you encounter so many difficulties as a parent? Franklin, are you always absent? A complete family is inseparable from the joint efforts of father and mother. During Eva\’s married life, Franklin was always working. After marriage, in order to provide better conditions for their children to grow up, the family moved from the city to a large house in the suburbs, and Eva had to travel farther to work. In order to strive for better material conditions for his children, Franklin had to spend more time at work and had very little time at home. Eva behaved reasonably in this regard. Even though her husband paid much less attention to her emotions than before marriage, she never had any quarrels because of it. But what annoys Eva the most is her husband\’s attitude towards Kevin. Since Kevin was born, Franklin has been completely on Kevin\’s team. He unconditionally tolerates all Kevin\’s mistakes and hopes to convey all his love to Kevin.Kevin. Based on his wife Eva\’s complaints about Kevin\’s pranks, Franklin would only say: Why do you think of your son like this? He is just a child! Therefore, the couple did not reach a consensus on the issue of Kevin\’s upbringing, and they have been in a stalemate. Perhaps in order to achieve some balance in the family, Eva became pregnant with a second child and gave birth to sister Celia without Franklin\’s consent. In Eva\’s view, compared with Kevin, Celia is simply an angel: not only is she gentle and well-behaved, but she also knows how to consider her parents\’ worries. In many scenes in the novel, you can see Celia saying sweet words to Eva and Franklin, which is completely different from the domineering Kevin. But the birth of my sister seems to have planted more bombs for the family. Franklin was afraid that Kevin would be jealous and always favored him, and he tried his best to pretend not to care about Celia\’s cuteness. The relationship between Eva and Franklin has undergone subtle changes. The more Eva loves Celia, the more Franklin will \”pay back\” to Kevin several times more. The word doting is not an exaggeration at all. Kevin likes to listen to Eva tell fairy tales very much, and always sticks to Eva and tells her many times. Franklin became jealous about this matter, so he gave Kevin his first crossbow according to the plot in the myth book. Seeing how Kevin couldn\’t put it down, Franklin kept buying Kevin new crossbows, even in the backyard. A special training base was opened and he practiced archery with Kevin every day. Franklin had no idea at the time that this crossbow would become a nightmare for so many people. Conflict escalates Eva and Franklin were discussing divorce before Black Thursday. The reason for the divorce was precisely because Eva\’s suspicion of Kevin brought Franklin to the edge of intolerance. He did not allow his wife to slander his son in this way. So what exactly did Kevin do? Celia raised hamsters. She loved these two little animals so much that she would check whether the door of the pet cage was closed every night before going to bed. But one day, the two hamsters disappeared. In order to find these two little guys, Eva and Franklin worked hard, but in the end they couldn\’t find them and could only tell Celia that the hamster had moved outside to the garden. Until one day, Eva found the corpses of two hamsters at the bottom of the kitchen sink. At this time, Kevin, who was practicing archery in the garden, smiled maliciously at Eva. This smile made Eva shudder, and she verified her guess even more in her heart. She determined that Kevin was a bad boy. He was the one who killed Celia\’s hamster. It was he who carried his sister to a tree more than ten meters high and looked at her. My sister fell from the tree. If what had happened before was not enough to cause a fierce conflict between the couple, then Celia\’s eyes were later blinded by a powerful gel channel opener, which became the straw that broke the camel\’s back. On the day of the accident, only Kevin and Celia were at home. It was Kevin who called the hospital to rescue Celia. Eva and Franklin sat in the corridor of the hospital, silent for a long time. Eva was trying to control her emotions. She felt that this matter must have something to do with Kevin, because the channel drainer was locked in the cabinet. Celie Ya can\’t get it at all, but Franklin thinks it was Kevin who saved CelieYa. Celia has adapted well to the loss of her eye, but Eva and Franklin are still at loggerheads over it. Eva continued to torture Kevin, and Franklin felt that Eva\’s behavior had reached the point of being crazy. While the couple was arguing, Kevin overheard their conversation about planning to divorce. After that night, Kevin bought six oversized bicycle locks from the Internet. Neither the couple knew that they were one of the murder weapons he used to lock the gym door. On the surface, the family is still living happily every day, but life has long been hidden and turbulent. We need to talk, Kevin. On the morning of Black Thursday, Eva got up at half past six as usual. Franklin came over and hugged her and said: My dear, you look stunning in pink. On that day, this small act of kindness was magnified to the point that the two thought their divorce might be turning around. That morning, Kevin got up before being called three times. Franklin was in the kitchen making bacon and sausages, while Eva was helping Celia bake toast. Everything looked normal and no one knew that Kevin had put the six locks in the bag. Celia even shyly praised her brother for being handsome, while Kevin was unusually indifferent to it all. After the meal, Franklin wanted to teach Kevin how to use a camera, but Kevin showed no interest and yelled at his father. Eva felt that Kevin showed his true colors at that time, with that kind of disgust and resentment written on his face, and she was a little scared. Later, Kevin compromised with Franklin, and the storm seemed to be over. However, at a quarter past six that afternoon, when Eva learned that something had happened at the school, it was too late… Franklin never dreamed that he would die under his son\’s crossbow, nor did he expect that he would kill him so cruelly. His sister Celia. The story comes to an end when Eva stumbles home and sees her husband and daughter lying in the backyard. Why did Kevin kill his doting father? How could he have the heart to attack his own sister? We may get some clues by reading the full text: Kevin loves his mother, but is often hurt by his mother\’s inadvertent actions. He is jealous of his sister\’s favor and hates his mother\’s favoritism. In his extreme and somewhat perverted thoughts, killing his father and sister was an act of \”revenge\” against his mother. It could also be understood as an attempt to gain his mother\’s attention, which was a very twisted way of expressing his love. And these thoughts make us shudder. When commenting on this book, the American \”Boston Globe\” said: The author does not use the simplest method of blaming the parents, but instead holds up a mirror to reflect the entire culture. After all, who should talk about Kevin? Maybe we all should talk. Through this story, we see that Eva faces several questions that require careful consideration during the entire process of getting married, having children, and raising children: First, have we really carefully reviewed the choice of the other half? The other person\’s family life is very likely to become a replica of your own family life. If you just make a hasty decision under the pressure of old age and family members, it will not be considered responsible for your entire life.. Children inherit most of their personalities and preferences from their parents. If parents are not mature enough, they will inevitably face more severe challenges in raising their children. Second, after getting married, how to avoid \”widowed\” parenting? Giving birth and raising children is not only the responsibility and obligation of women, the husband plays a very important role in it, because it is the most important factor in shaping the wife\’s character, and of course it will also affect the child\’s character. Everyone plays multiple roles in society, and each of us strives for balance among multiple roles, because once the roles are out of balance, the harmonious state will inevitably be broken. Third, if there are problems between husband and wife, there is no need to argue about right and wrong. Especially when it comes to children\’s problems, they must reach an agreement and cooperate with each other. In Kevin\’s story, we see Eva and Franklin\’s lack of patience in communication and their separate ways. Eva is stubborn and shows excessive indifference and unconscious hostility towards Kevin, while Franklin is very doting. Thinking about it from another angle, if we were Kevin, we must be very conflicted inside. Of course, it is not all the parents’ fault when their children make mistakes. We are all ordinary people, and we are all parents for the first time. No one knows what pitfalls there are in life. Even if we are extremely careful, there is a very small possibility of falling into the abyss. Facing the top torture faced by Eva, what we should do more should be thinking and introspection. The author did not give a clear answer to the ultimate question of what happened to Kevin in the article, but for Eva, the answer is no longer important, because all the introspection has allowed her to complete the path of spiritual growth and maturity.