The more disciplined adolescent children become, the more rebellious they become. What should parents do?

Let me tell you a story first: it originated from a Greek fairy tale and tells the story of the hero Hercules. One day, Hercules went out and walked, and suddenly he found a bag on the road. The mouth of the bag was tied up and it looked bulging. Curious, he stepped on the bag. Unexpectedly, instead of being crushed, the bag actually grew larger as if by magic. Hercules was a little annoyed, so he found a stick on the road and hit the bag hard. An even more incredible thing happened. The bag grew bigger and bigger, and finally blocked the entire road. Hercules became increasingly angry, but there was nothing he could do. At this time, an old man appeared and comforted him: \”Please don\’t be angry anymore, leave this bag quickly and let him go.\” This bag is called the Bag of Hatred, and if you take revenge on him, he will grow bigger and bigger. \”This is the Hercules effect in psychology. It also applies to parenting. It inspires us: If we blindly compete with our children, the children will only become more and more resistant, and eventually both sides will lose. 02 Especially for adolescent children. After entering adolescence, Not only do they face physiological changes, but they also undergo a series of psychological changes. Brain scientists have done research and the results show that when children enter adolescence, the number of neurons in the brain increases significantly, and the connections between each neuron are strengthened, which greatly improves the child\’s cognitive abilities. However, their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, which can cause children to be unable to control their emotions and even become irritable and irritable for no reason. What\’s worse, this psychological change also brings them confusion and weakness. If parents add fuel to the fire at this time, the child\’s emotions will become even more out of control. The child is actually very fragile at this time, and he is particularly eager to be understood by his parents. As the book \”Decoding Adolescence\” says: \”In adolescence, The sudden changes in body and mind are like a violent storm. Every child who seems rebellious and unapproachable needs strong support from his parents. \”So, if you have adolescent children at home, parents must not confront their children, but must learn to use wisdom to resolve their children\’s anger. 03 However, many parents lack such wisdom. I once read such a story online. A child fights The child is obedient and sensible, and his behavior is considerate and steady. Everyone praises his mother for his good education, but they never thought that after the child entered adolescence, he was completely different from his mother, especially in his studies. After a few more words, he started to get irritated and lose his temper. He covered his ears and walked to the room, slamming the door. The mother was helpless and confused: Why did the child become like this all of a sudden? She even forced the door to open. However, the more forceful she became, the more resistant the child became. Once, when she saw that the child had made many mistakes, she forcefully asked the child to practice again. He threw his homework book on the ground and threatened his mother: \”Don\’t mention studying to me. If you mention it again I will stop reading.\” \”My mother was stunned. Frustration, sadness, anxiety, all kinds of emotions came to her heart. She suddenly didn\’t know what to do. Are there any situations like this around you? Many children looked good when they were young.They are obedient and easy to communicate with, but as soon as they reach adolescence, they are like irritable powder keg, igniting at a moment\’s notice, and are in a stalemate with their parents. However, parents still use control, suppression, and command methods, hoping that their children will return to their original state. As everyone knows, the more you discipline, the more rebellious your children will be. Parenting expert Laura Markham once said: \”The most important rule of parenting is for parents, not for children. Parents must first solve their own problems before they can establish an ideal parent-child relationship.\” Otherwise, the distance between you and your children will be It will only get further and further away. 04 I once read a sentence: \”If an iron-like education falls on children, they will be as weak as water. If a soft-like education falls on children, they will be as strong and powerful as iron.\” Getting along with adolescent children , head-on confrontation will only hurt both sides. Only by learning to be gentle and treating children like gentle breeze and drizzle can children be willing to let go of their guard. Friends are such parents. After her daughter entered adolescence, she had her own ideas. She no longer followed her mother\’s advice on everything as before, and even went against her mother\’s advice. Although my friend could not accept her daughter\’s change at once, she understood her child. Because I also experienced puberty. Moreover, she also knew that if she interfered blindly, her daughter would only become more rebellious. Adolescent children are particularly prone to hair explosions, and you can only smooth them out, otherwise they will blow up even more. What\’s more important is that if the child cannot be helped to successfully go through adolescence, the child will not receive support and comfort from his parents, and his restlessness will have nowhere to rest, and may even lead to irreversible consequences. Therefore, she respects her daughter\’s ideas in everything and tries to let her children make the decision. Even if she doesn\’t agree with some of her children\’s actions, she doesn\’t object directly. Instead, she analyzes the pros and cons with her daughter, and the final decision still rests with her children. The daughter also feels her mother\’s understanding and support. She is willing to talk about everything. She will even let her mother help make decisions about which boy she likes in the class. Not only did the friend successfully help her daughter through adolescence, but the parent-child relationship has also been very harmonious. Parents must be gentle first, and then the children will obey you. Written at the end: The book \”Positive Discipline\” says: \”The best way to win over teenage children is to stand with them first with a kind, firm, and respectful attitude. Let the children be supported by understanding, Gain a sense of self-esteem and belonging.” To become such a parent, we need to learn to adjust our parenting methods. Instead of working hard on your children, work hard to change yourself. Only by changing yourself can your child change, which will help him to go through adolescence smoothly and help your child grow up happily. mutual encouragement!