The more the child is pushed, the more he rubs off. The truth is heartbreaking

On the way back from sending her daughter to school in the morning, I saw a mother constantly scolding her child: \”How many times did I rush you this morning? I started waking you up at 7 o\’clock. What time is it now? It\’s 8 o\’clock!\” You haven\’t eaten yet, so just go hungry!\” \”You\’re already late now, let\’s see how the teacher punishes you!\” I looked at the child who kept his head down and said nothing. He looked like he was only a little over 3 years old. For such an older child, it must be painful to get up on time every day. Many parents may not know that the child\’s dillydallying before the age of 3 is actually not really dillydallying, he just can\’t do it yet. When we ask our children to stop dawdling, or even get angry at the child\’s dawdling, have you ever thought that you have misunderstood your child? Research shows that before the age of 2, children have no concept of time. They live completely in the present, without thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Around the age of 3, children have a preliminary understanding of the order of time. But it is only limited to distinguishing between past, present and future. At this time, if you say to your child, \”I will go out in 10 minutes,\” he will not understand it at all. After about 4 years old, children can describe what they did yesterday and today, but the specific time is not very clear. This requires a process of slow guidance. Therefore, when children can\’t tell time, asking them to complete something within a specific time actually goes against the rules of children\’s growth. A few days ago, my friend came to my house to stay for a few days. In the morning, I woke up my daughter and went to prepare breakfast after calling her twice. After a while, my friend couldn\’t help but ask me: \”Are you leaving her alone now? Can the child get up?\” As soon as I finished speaking, my daughter opened the door and came out, fully dressed. My friend was shocked and insisted that I teach her how to do it. She said that her son’s problem of getting up was a problem for the whole family. She said that sometimes she and her husband would even play guessing games to wake their son up because the task was too arduous. Actually, I don’t have any special method, but it’s just: don’t rush. When my daughter was young, I also went through the stage of urging her frequently and repeatedly. Especially when it comes to getting up, eating, and sleeping. Getting up: I can\’t help but scream for the first time, move for the second time, and groan for the third time before finally getting up reluctantly, with my eyes squinted and no clothes on. Meal: It often takes 40 minutes or even an hour for children to eat. I would look at this for a while and play that for a while. In short, when it is time to eat, all kinds of problems come up… Sleeping: Before going to bed every day, I usually drink another mouthful of yogurt, eat another piece of fruit, go to the toilet again, and talk again. For a story, no hour is not enough. My reaction at the time was basically like this: Get up! –quick! time to eat! –quick! Go to sleep! –quick! A vicious cycle every day. However, a conversation with my daughter made me realize my problem. I remember once I was rushing to have a morning meeting and wanted to send my daughter to kindergarten early. But before going out, the child had to go to the toilet, and he still didn\’t come out after waiting for 10 minutes. So I yelled, \”Why are you bothering? Is your mother worried?\” My daughter\’s reply was, \”You don\’t know that children can do anything better thanAre you slow, sir? ” Because of the child’s words, I suddenly became less anxious. Who says it\’s not? Children are inherently slow, and we are often the ones who are anxious. Children have their own rhythm, and it is normal for them to not be able to keep up with us. It is unfair to them to blame them for their own impatience. What completely changed my mind was an unintentional little test. One day, I had a sudden idea and wanted to see how much later my daughter would be than usual if she didn\’t rush her all day long. Result: My daughter went to school 8 minutes later than usual in the morning, ate 5 minutes later than usual, and went to bed 15 minutes later than usual at night. I thought, if this adds up to less than half an hour of freedom, can’t it be returned directly to the child? Later, what I gained in exchange for this half hour of freedom was that my children became more and more self-disciplined. Urging children cannot really solve the problem of children\’s dilly-dallying. It is often the case that the more they are urged, the more they dawdle. Why is this? Urging the child hints: You can wait for a while. Experienced mothers may have this experience. When urging the child, the child will only act when you are really on the verge of getting angry or have already become angry. Because children who are used to being urged will have such a three-step process in their hearts: most children won’t care when they are urged for the first time, because they know that their mother is just giving a vaccination and will urge them again anyway. of. When urged for the second time, the child had a premonition that his mother might get angry, so he took the last moment to play for a while; when urged for the third time, the child knew that his mother was really going to get angry, and if he didn\’t act, he might be punished, so he started to act. . Urging the child is actually telling the child: Before I get angry, you still have time to wait a little longer. Children who are often urged will easily become accustomed to relying on urging. Another meaning of urging is actually: Mom will definitely be by my side and keep an eye on me. The result is often: when you are not looking at your child when eating, he will not eat; when doing homework, if you are not around, the child will not do it. If you are not around to nag you about everything, your child will have no motivation to act. If some mothers can\’t push their children, but simply help them directly, then the children will have more confidence in their hearts: it won\’t be late for school anyway, and their mother will help me clean up anyway. Children\’s dilly-dallying is often prompted by this. When your child is dawdling, don\’t rush him. You can try this: tell your child: What to do first, and what to do next. When your child is eating and playing with toys, don\’t tell your child: \”No toys allowed.\” You. You can tell your child: \”Eat first, then play with toys.\” Because at this time, the child\’s interest is not in eating. The more forbidden it is, the more the child wants to play. This method works for many procrastinating behaviors in children. For example, tell your children: take a bath first, then tell stories; do homework first, then play. This is a process of slow guidance, which not only respects the child\’s ideas, but also secretly helps the child plan time. Give one instruction at a time and don\’t make your child do too much. For example, before a child goes to bed, do not tell the child at the beginning: \”Get ready to wash your face and brush your teeth before going to bed.\” Instead, you should first say to the child: \”Now, let\’s wash your face.\” After the child has finished, say to the child: \”Now , let’s brush our teeth.” Another example is, going outDon’t say, “Put on your clothes and get ready to go out.” Instead, tell your children step by step: “Put on your coat first,” “You can put on your hat,” “Let’s put on socks.” Getting dressed is actually a big command for children. What we mean is that all clothes and hats are put on, and the child does not understand so many movements. Because children have limited memory, they cannot remember instructions that are too long. We often see this situation: you have been urging the child for a long time, but the child is still in a daze. It is likely that the child cannot digest your instructions. I think of \”Mother\’s Song\”, a divine song that was once very popular on the Internet. The entire song is about my mother\’s urgent urging: \”Hurry up, immediately, immediately, it\’s too late!\” When the fragments of life are frozen in a small When in front of the camera, have you ever discovered that you have urged your children to do so many things? Each of these things seems to revolve around the adult\’s rhythm, and which one of them is the child\’s own rhythm? Many times, it\’s not that the children are too lazy, but that we are too anxious. How can children keep up with adults in their movements and steps? Grinding is a necessary stage for children to grow up. Only by mentally recognizing the child\’s dillydally and letting the child feel the time and rules at his own pace can the child truly grow. Allowing children to grow up slowly is a required course for every parent.