The most effective discipline for parents begins with \”understanding\” their children

Yesterday I shared an article saying that parents “control” their children too much. Some mothers left a message, \”Should we leave the children alone, follow their nature, and let the children develop freely and do whatever they want?\” But don\’t do this. For example, if a child loves to watch TV, parents think it is natural. Just let the children watch it, that is not harming the children. Because children need to be managed, but they should be respected and understood. We see the child\’s independent personality, little dignity, and free nature. We must also see that they eagerly desire their parents\’ attention and imitate their parents\’ behavior. Like everyone else, they also have various bad habits and shortcomings. The key lies in how to manage. If you find effective methods of discipline, parents will be much more relaxed. I have met a lot of children, and I found a very interesting thing. Almost all children like to do two things: the first thing is to attract the attention of adults, and the second thing is to control adults. One day, a friend told us The chat brought up one thing: because both husband and wife have to go to work during the day, sometimes after returning home, my father goes to the study to do business, and my mother is busy with housework, and then watches TV or looks at her mobile phone. So I have almost no time to play with my son. Every time he eats, his son is always very slow, and sometimes he deliberately pours tea into the rice, saying he wants porridge. Or toss a dish together. Every time he saw this, his father would look at him angrily, and his mother would scold him and urge him to eat quickly. But he still went his own way. Once I went to his house as a guest, and I really found that the child was restless at the dinner table. I always have to do something, such as soaking chicken wings in Coke that day and saying I would make Coke chicken wings. At that time, I saw that his parents\’ faces were blue with anger, but they didn\’t explode. When his father couldn\’t bear it anymore and was about to scold him, I quickly hinted to him to calm down. After the meal, I chatted with him and said, \”The child did that to attract your attention. Because you are usually too busy, don\’t you rarely accompany him?\” \”Yes, I almost don\’t have time to accompany him, and we don\’t even have much time to eat together. . But he still behaves like this every time he eats. It feels like he is blaming the child for not knowing how to cherish it, but in fact it is the parents who do not know how to cherish their children’s growing up time. \”If he doesn\’t do this, you probably won\’t pay attention to him while eating, but will think about you. So he will make some noise to attract your attention. Even if it is scolding, he will feel that it is you who is treating him.\” \”Do you care?\” \”Yes! It seems like this, what should I do?\” \”Next time at the dinner table, if your child does these things, you adults should not have any reaction, he will correct himself. Of course, the premise is that you want you to Make a change. Spend more time with him, take him to play with him on weekends. If you are at home, play chess with him, or chat and play together. Temporarily put down your work and spend more time with your child.\” When children are growing up, , are eager to communicate with their parents, and they hope to get their parents\’ love and attention. A tiny baby will cry loudly when it doesn\’t see its mother. Even teenagers in the rebellious stage may appear to be self-centered and indifferent on the surface, but on the inside they long for their parents’ approval and attention. Children really want to \”control\” adults. In fact, they didn\’t discover this \”magical\” power at first.quantity. It can simply be said to be a call to action. For example, not long after a little guy was born, it was because of attachment and insecurity that he kept calling adults in his own way. They cry when they want to eat, poop, and cry when they feel uncomfortable. As soon as the child cries, the adult is immediately satisfied. Of course, this is the case during infancy. The child\’s needs must be well met and the child must have a sense of security. It\’s just that many parents treat their children like babies, and problems arise. As children grow older, their needs continue to change. If they can\’t do it well, they need help from their parents. For example, if a child asks for a cup at a high place, he or she signals the parents to get it. Of course, they have to help because they are still young. When a child in the order-sensitive period bursts into tears because his parents disrupted the layout of the room, of course the parents must find a way to recover. This is the child\’s psychological need. However, some unreasonable demands will gradually appear. For example, a child sees a good thing in another child\’s hand and wants an adult to help him get it. Even if the other child is unwilling, he must grab it to be satisfied. Or a seven or eight-year-old child who just sits still while eating, waiting for grandma to feed him! The last time we went out to eat, a mother saw my son eating by himself. She said how could such a young child eat consciously because her 8-year-old son still had to be fed by his grandma. I said, you have to do some work with the \”kind-hearted\” grandma at home first. Because these well-meaning adults are always easily controlled by children. When children focus all their intelligence on how to control adults to meet their own needs, how can they find the time to learn to do something well on their own? Therefore, many children who grew up under the sole care of their parents still find ways to achieve their own goals through their parents when they become adults, so that they do not have to endure hardships. In the process of growing up, every child will have such a stage. This requires parents to guide their children firmly but gently. Before, when my son saw his grandma, he also liked to ask her: \”Bring me water!\” \”Give me paper!\” \”Give me something to eat!\” \”Wash my hands!\” Every time he did this, I would ask him to do it himself. . Then he gets upset. If you\’re not happy, you\’re not happy, but my mother would say, \”Who doesn\’t know how to drink water, wash hands, and eat when he grows up?\” \”Please, of course he can eat and drink water, but if he doesn\’t let him have the habit of doing things independently since he was a child, he will not be able to do things independently in the future. Who will serve him after he has left society?\” Regarding the child\’s unreasonable demands, even if it means yelling and crying. Parents don’t need to pay any attention to it. A child won\’t get hurt if he cries. After venting their negative emotions, let them think about it calmly in their room. The only thing you have to do is to stand firm in the rule position you have established, and wait and deal with it gently. Don\’t use violence to suppress or intimidate children. Children always have all kinds of bad habits. For example, hitting people, throwing things, swearing, and spitting at people. Beating and scolding is not the answer, and preaching is often useless. Only by allowing children to realize their mistakes from their own hearts and have a deep impression of their mistakes can good results be achieved. I remember one day, my son was playing with his cousin. Suddenly a quarrel broke out over the colored crayons. At that time, my son was very angry and pointed at the crayon.My sister had a look on her face. The little sister didn\’t fight back or cry. She glanced at me next to her. The son felt that he had won, so he stood there happily. \”Did you do something just now?\” \”No. She wanted to steal my things.\” \”Didn\’t you agree to play together? Why don\’t you share it together.\” \”Who wants her to steal my pen?\” \”Because she grabbed your pen, you were very angry, and then you scratched your sister\’s face with the pen, right?\” He nodded at this time. \”You apologize to my sister. Because pen strokes on the face are dangerous and painful. If you prick her eyes, she will become a blind sister.\” \”Do you think my sister can\’t see things?\” \”No.\” I said He took his hand and scratched the palm of his hand with a crayon. I saw him quickly shrink back. \”Does it hurt?\” \”Yeah\” \”Tell your sister I\’m sorry.\” He hesitated for a while and then said \”I\’m sorry\” \”It\’s okay!\” His sister smiled and forgave him. He laughed easily to himself and started playing along again. There are always many parents who say they can\’t handle their children. It\’s better to say that I don\’t understand the child. When raising children, you must think more about the reasons behind your children\’s behavior and ask more about why. Listen to what your children say and what they think. Parents should be the people who know their children best in the world. It\’s like growing flowers. If you don\’t understand the character, needs, and growth patterns of flowers, you won\’t be able to grow them well. \”Know yourself and your enemy, and you can fight a hundred battles without danger.\” Isn\’t the same true for raising children?