The most failed education of a pair of typical parents…

Remember everything the parents did in this article and don\’t repeat their mistakes. Love your child and love him to be a free man, so that he can return the love of a free man. Will my child become a white-eyed wolf? If I love him, he will hate me in the future? It is estimated that many parents have this worry, especially when their children lose their temper and shout \”I hate you!\” Don’t worry, treat others with the same attitude. You love me, I love you, you hate me, I hate you. This principle is written in human genes. If you love your children, 99% of them will love you. The remaining 1% is Accidents are statistically considered non-existent. If you hate your child and abuse him, there is a high probability that he will not love you in the future. The highest level of hate is hate in the name of love. To outsiders, you think it is love, but this so-called love is the scissors you use to cut off the wings of a bird. In the end, he is not even as good as a chicken. You say, in his heart, he can Don’t you hate it? In the news today, I saw a pair of typical failed parents who used love to hate. The story goes like this: 61-year-old Zhang Yong and 60-year-old Zhu Jing. 10 years ago, their daughter did not get admitted to the domestic university of her choice. The couple sold their 110-square-meter house and replaced it with a house of more than 70 square meters to satisfy their daughter. She was willing to let her study in the United States. Zhang Yong and his wife\’s request for their daughter is that her daughter cannot find foreigners as boyfriends, let alone marry foreigners, and she must return to China to work after graduation. As a result, the daughter not only stayed in the United States to work, but also married a foreigner. Zhang Yong\’s threat of \”severing the relationship between father and daughter\” did not work. He lamented to reporters: \”It is good for children to have their own dreams, but the feelings of their parents must also be considered. I really regret sending her out to study now. This is The most wrong decision in this life, you said that we, the old couple, should go to the United States to live. Is it realistic? It is not realistic. We do not have the conditions and skills to live in the United States, and we are not used to it.\” Zhang Yong said, how he feels now She worked hard for decades to raise a daughter for others. Now, what worries him most is: if he loses contact with his only daughter, how will he live the remaining decades? \”Who will take care of us when we grow old in the future?\” Zhang Yong and his wife, this pair of failed parents, made a series of typical mistakes: they did not insist that the relationship between husband and wife is the core of the family. After the child was born, satisfying the child was the core, and emotions Dependence on the child, occupying the child, and cannot tolerate the child\’s emotional independence. If he has his own love, it means betrayal. Parents without ego are more likely to spoil their children, which is like bribery. They will meet their children\’s requirements unprincipled, thinking that this will better keep their children. Selling a house to satisfy a child\’s college dream is an unprincipled and irrational decision. I cannot afford this extravagant expense, so I spend it with irrational expectations of returns: I spent this money, everything Wishes are fulfilled. I love you so much, I sold my house so you could study, how could you not listen to me? Please understand, what I do is not to love you, but to control you. You are not allowed to have foreign boyfriends, marry foreigners, or work in foreign countries. These are just excuses, because it is easier to gain the support of others. In the end, you are not allowed to find people from other provinces or cities, you are not allowed to find non-civil servants, and you are not allowed to find people below 180. Centimeter people, when you restrict a person\’s freedomAfter that, you won’t stop and you will have a stronger impulse to carry out your will. A couple had no self-esteem when they were young, but became controlling when they got older. This is a double disaster. They have never had psychological freedom and autonomy, but they use this knowledge to restrict their children. Children with a slightly normal mentality and children who have developed some abilities will resist first and instinctively know that the further away they are. The better. If you can stay in the United States, don\’t go back to China. Are you not used to the United States? That\’s fine, you don\’t have to force me anymore. If a person is capable, his space for activities must be large, and his time must be valuable. Your child will be a big shot in the future, and you cannot expect him to be at your bedside whenever you are sick. For such a child, the world seems small, and it only takes one day for him to return home from the United States. Unfortunately, parents who sit back and watch the sky have little room for activities and their time is not valuable. They also think that the whole world should be like this. The growth of their children makes them panic. In another 20 years, when people get old or sick, who will they rely on to take care of them? Of course, you rely on professional institutions, professionals, and even robots. As long as you have money, there is no need to worry, technology and the market will solve your troubles. If you focus on raising a child for old age, clinging to the child, thinking that all the burdens can be handed over to the child, then he will be unable to do it, and if he stays with you every day, what use will it be? The biggest failure is to cry to the media that their children are \”unfilial\” and that their investment in education has failed. Either you will become a joke, or your children will be destroyed by stupid public opinion. What’s fun about it? Which is beneficial? But emotionally out-of-control parents can\’t control that much, they just want destruction. Remember everything the parents did and don\’t repeat their mistakes. Love your child and love him to be a free man, so that he can return the love of a free man. Raising children is a matter that spans a long time and has endless problems. Once there is a problem, it must mean there is a root cause. If the parents believe that the fault is definitely not theirs, then the only fault is the child himself. His problems only come from himself, and he is born with problems. In this way, parents become victims and innocent people. In 2010, Yao Jiaxin, a college student from a music college, hit someone with his car and slightly injured the other person. Then he got out of the car and stabbed the victim eight times, causing his death. The cruelty of his methods and the abnormality of his mentality are astonishing. According to media reports, he mentioned in court that his parents had strict discipline on him, especially after he started learning piano at the age of 4. His parents often beat him for practicing piano and even locked him in the basement as a punishment when he was young. I think the reason why he stated this in court is that he realized the source of his problem. Pathological education will inevitably lead to pathological results. Yao Jiaxin\’s growth process is a process of psychological distortion. The long-term harsh demands, censure, and corporal punishment have created a college student who can play the piano in the open world, but a psychological and moral pervert in the dark. Although he was an adult at the time of the incident and was legally responsible and had nothing to do with his parents, who can say that his cruelty and unreasonableness had nothing to do with his parents? But after the \”Yao Jiaxin case\” occurred, his father told the media: \”My husband and I have devoted our lives to him, but he completely destroyed three families with his actions. Our hatred for him,Far greater than anyone else. No matter how the law sentences him in the future, he deserves it. \”Yaofu and my acquaintance mentioned earlier, as parents, they have one thing in common: when their children have problems, it has nothing to do with them. They are never at fault, it is the children themselves who are at fault. We cannot say that Yaofu is deliberately saying It\’s a lie. It can only be said that his way of thinking can only make him think and say this way. There are actually not a few parents like the drug father. They are distributed in all cultural levels. Since they are always right, they are not Need to learn, they neither need to be educated, nor need to change, nor do they need to reflect. Reflection means self-questioning and self-analysis, which is contrary to their self-confidence that they are always right. When children have problems, they They will spare no effort to find out the reasons in their children or other places, such as schools, teachers, society, genes, heredity, etc. No matter how hard they spend, they will not hesitate. However, God seems to be unfair, and parents who are always right will always They are the most failed group of parents. The reason is very simple to analyze. First of all, there are always various contradictions in life. If the parents are never right, the only ones who make mistakes are the children. A child who often understands his own failure and uselessness will Slowly form a stable understanding: I am not good enough. Secondly, parents are never wrong, and the child cannot see an example of admitting mistakes. Although he is often asked to admit mistakes, what he learns is \”I have never been wrong.\” Gradually Develop the stubborn habit of loving your own ideas more than everything else. Third, parents who are always right always give their children various suggestions and requests. Children have no chance to think, and their spirit of experimentation and judgment gradually shrink. Become an adult child, exist as a vine but cannot stand as a tree. Parents who are \”always right\” have always existed at home and abroad, but now, it has become an intensifying social phenomenon. For example, the media often has Reports on troubled youths, after clearly stating the crux of the problem of tutoring, always turn the gun at the end and point the finger of criticism at the children. The faults of the parents are always lightly passed over or even completely erased. There is another kind Nowadays, there are many psychological problems among children and adolescents. Neurosis has become a high incidence. Depression, ADHD, autism… Various symptoms are being blamed on heredity or genes, which makes the problem more difficult to solve. In this regard, the famous social psychologist A. Adler has long pointed out that the rise of fatalism, which blames children\’s psychological problems on heredity or nature, always occurs when people want to evade responsibility. This phenomenon has happened before, and now it is even more common. Even more, there will be more in the future. There is an important rule in the history of science: \”Assuming that an opponent can always be in a strong position, then the order of the world will be destroyed.\” This also explains why parents who are always right are the most destructive. Sex. Although it is not intentional, there is no need to doubt their love for their children, but whether a child is raised well or not is never simply a question of goals, but also a question of methods. The education method determines the love of parents. A garden may also be a prison. The real preparation for education is to perfect oneself. Those who don’t know enough are eager to learn, and after learning they don’t know enough. FromFrom the day you become a parent, face a life that is perfect, independent, and has unlimited potential. Let yourself become a humble person who strives for self-improvement, rather than being promoted to a monarch who has no faults, cannot be blamed, and has complete control. . No one can become a precision instrument, and it is unthinkable for parents to be faultless. Parental love should be water. The best goodness is like water, and love like water must include timely self-adjustment and self-change. It is pure, true, good and beautiful. The \”always right\” parent puts aside his self-centered thoughts. He does not lower himself, but opens another window of life. The sunshine will shine in and fill the world of his children and himself. To get out of the illusion of always being right is to start to get out of the misfortune of failure. Finally, the editor would like to share two cartoons about failed parents in the definition of life VS failed parents in smart parents: They believe that the life of their children is a race, so they care about the starting point and cannot lose at the starting line; so they care more about the end point and will not stop until the goal is achieved. . Smart parents: Smart parents believe that children’s life should be colorful and diverse, so they advocate that children pursue their dreams while enjoying the scenery on the journey of life, and allow them to stay for the good. Failed parents about educational philosophy VS Smart parents Failed parents: Their understanding of education is preaching, and they think that they only need to reason with their children and they are done. Such parents only require their children to make progress, but do not require themselves to change. Smart parents: Smart parents believe that teaching by example is more important than words. They set an example for their children through their words and deeds, and are willing to \”be better themselves\” for their children.