The most ignored educational truth: Raising children depends on the emotional value of parents

\”It\’s great that you actually did it before I said anything!\” \”Don\’t worry, you can do it step by step!\” \”You are very capable, just do it when you think of it. Awesome! \”A mother in Liaoning was helpless with her rebellious third-grade son, and her reprimands were ineffective. So, she did the opposite, picked up a book of \”Praising Quotations\” and praised her son accordingly. Unexpectedly, my son benefited greatly and his behavior improved a lot. This is the power of emotional value. Professor Effrey J. Bailey of the University of Idaho once said: \”Whether a family has positive emotional value will largely affect the future of the family.\” Family education is all about the emotional value of parents. Your low emotional value cannot raise happy children. Parents often ask me: \”Why do children become less and less willing to communicate when they grow up?\” In psychology, there is a term called: disappointing emotional isolation. If children\’s emotional appeals in their early years are not responded to, they will psychologically isolate themselves from their parents. That is to say, the emotional value of parents is too low. One is the lack of empathy for children\’s emotions, and the first reaction when encountering problems is to blame. A few days ago, I saw a piece of news. A girl\’s ribs were broken after a classmate took her stool away from her at school. To this end, she posted online and called the police to protect her rights. Unexpectedly, the series of reactions from her family made her feel extremely chilled. Dad blamed her because he wanted to blackmail her. Grandma said, why didn’t the other person take away someone else’s stool, but took away your stool? The subtext is: the problems happen to you. Not only did he not care about the girl\’s body, but he also asked why the misfortune happened to her. Put yourself in their shoes. We were fired without reason from the company and went home to complain to our partner. As a result, my family said: Please reflect on why you were laid off instead of someone else. How does it feel? He must be getting more angry. We parents often make mistakes like this, for example – when your child says that studying is tiring, you say, \”The street sweeper is even more tiring\”; when your child buys you a gift, you say, \”Don\’t buy it next time, it\’s a waste of money\”; when your child\’s health When you feel uncomfortable, you say, \”Who told you not to listen to me and wear such clothes?\” When your child is sad, providing support is the right way to provide emotional value. The other is to not respond to the child\’s happiness, being too rational and indifferent. In \”Interviews with Liangzi\”, there is one issue that impressed me deeply. When the protagonist was in junior high school, he scored 117 out of 120 on the math paper. She was so happy that she ran to tell her mother, who worked as a security guard at the school, but her mother only replied with four words: \”There are still three points left.\” Her mother\’s words made her extremely depressed, and she felt that no matter how hard she tried, it was useless. Even after she became an adult, this past incident still stung her like a thorn. If we just raise our children, we cannot provide emotional value. Then, the child only develops physically, but his heart is not nourished and lacks strength. If the heart is empty, how can we feel happiness? In fact, good education is not complicated, as long as you have the heart to raise children and be parents with high emotional value. The higher the emotional value of parents, the more confident and outstanding their children will be. What is it like to have a parent with high emotional value? A friend said: \”Always willing to go home,It feels so happy to be with my parents! \”Her father is a person with very high emotional value – he accepts her emotions and helps her to calm them down when she loses her temper; no matter what she says, he listens patiently and carefully and responds to every word; he often praises and She affirmed and encouraged her, was very good at expressing love, and said that she was the pride of the whole family… When she told me about it, she was full of happiness. Parents with a high sense of emotional value will always respond positively to their children and stand by their side. . Feeling the flow of love, children will naturally move forward with peace of mind. In the 2020 college entrance examination, a boy from Ninghai Middle School was admitted to Tsinghua University from the bottom. Behind the counterattack, there is a person who knows how to provide emotional value. Mom. When he first entered high school, he was under great pressure, often suffered from insomnia, and his grades kept falling. What did his mother do? \”He came to me to complain when he failed in the exam. I comforted him and gave him a hug. I had no other choice, so I just kept comforting and comforting, and day by day passed. \”She neither blames nor disappoints her children when their grades are poor. When children are confused and lost, she always has her support and encouragement. The emotional value provided by a hug is better than thousands of sermons; a word of encouragement is better than indifferent advice.\” . As cartoonist Cai Zhizhong said – helping children is not to tell them that this is bad, but to say: \”You can make a million mistakes, but it will not change the fact that you are my child.\” No matter what mistakes you have made or need me to handle, tell me as soon as possible. There is no bottom line and I will help you. \”When children confide and complain to us, when children are afraid and lost, what they need is nothing more than emotional resonance. What children want at home is love, warmth, acceptance, trust, and support. Positive emotions Feedback will eventually turn into the confidence and courage for children to walk in the world. Parents with high emotional value have achieved these two points. According to mainstream psychology, only when parents have gazed at their children can they gaze at all things. True love is to inject psychological strength into children. , giving children the ability to achieve happiness. How can I be a parent with high emotional value? 1. Accept your children’s emotions and allow them to vent. Huo Siyan’s approach is textbook-level. In the show \”Superman\”, Huo Siyan stepped on a building block and started crying. The more he thought about it, the more angry he became, and he threw the toys all over the room. When Huo Siyan saw this, he did not blame him, but hugged him and checked on him. She asked whether her feet were injured. Then, she stepped on the blocks with her bare feet and said to Uhm: \”It really hurts when you step on the blocks. I understand how you feel.\” \”Empathy is not about giving advice or talking about right or wrong, but about standing in the child\’s position and understanding the child\’s feelings. Only by allowing the child to have emotions and giving the child a space to vent his emotions can the child feel safe. 2. Listen to the child and give him the right If you don’t listen to feedback, there will be no relationship; if you don’t respond, you will be in a desperate situation. In the process of educating children, you must open your ears and eyes to find your children’s strengths. I was very moved when I saw a video of a little boy doing a question. After doing it 14 times, she finally got it right. The mother was very happy to praise her child: \”You really didn\’t give up, you did.\”marvelous! \”And he also went out to tell his family that the boy got the question right. The children on the side had lights in their eyes and pride on their faces. They looked like they were nourished by love. Parents who know how to provide emotional value know how to praise in time. Patient education and permission to make mistakes will determine the kind of life the child will have. Negative emotional value will bring a child a life of low self-esteem, depression, and insecurity. The child is confident, sunny, and has a happy life.